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nikkipettyfer

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nikkipettyfer

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nikkipettyfernikkipettyfer
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 6295
  • Number of comments : 89
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 30 posted

About nikkipettyfer : 😈

nikkipettyfer's page activity

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nikkipettyfer's favorite FMLs

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. All the magic vanished when I kept queefing every time he thrust into me. We made it about 10 seconds before he broke down into hysterical laughter and lost his boner. FML

#21436148
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18456) - you deserved it (2494)

On 07/04/2015 at 1:02am - intimacy - by alison (woman) - United States

Today, when I turned on the TV, there was a picture of a wanted murderer. The picture looked just like my boyfriend. FML

#21430015
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27201) - you deserved it (2366)

On 06/22/2015 at 7:26am - misc - by 1234 - United States (Florida)

Today, I heard my sister screaming from the basement, "Don't you hit me, you asshole!" Knowing her boyfriend was over, I ran downstairs with my baseball bat, ready to smash the fucker hitting my sister. Turns out they were just playing Mario Kart and he rammed her off the edge of a bridge. FML

#21428714
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26669) - you deserved it (3689)

On 06/19/2015 at 6:21pm - misc - by baberuth - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I woke up to the sound of 4 gunshots from downstairs. I screamed, hid under the bed in tears and called the cops. Turned out my boyfriend hadn't been murdered by a burglar like I thought - he'd found a tarantula in our living room and decided to feed it a face full of lead. FML

#21428622
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27165) - you deserved it (3151)

On 06/19/2015 at 3:00pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML

#21428553
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28512) - you deserved it (11647)

On 06/19/2015 at 12:17pm - intimacy - by shmarf (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my mother got heartburn. She claimed she only gets heartburn when she is near a pregnant woman. She threatened to kick me out of the house if I didn't take a pregnancy test, despite there being no way I was pregnant. Turns out, I am pregnant, and my mother's ego has never been bigger. FML

#21427606
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29990) - you deserved it (8546)

On 06/17/2015 at 2:09pm - kids - by RecentCollegeGrad (woman) -

Today, I was on a boat and I thought I saw a towel fly off, but it was actually my fricken dog. FML

#21426414
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31177) - you deserved it (4739)

On 06/15/2015 at 10:49am - animals - by justin Bieber - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had to wait for my daughter's pet python to finish taking a bath before I could take a shower and go to work. FML

#21425623
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23853) - you deserved it (3376)

On 06/13/2015 at 9:27pm - animals - by patient_mom - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I tried talking to my wife about our sexless marriage. Her only response was to toss me a sock and say "Knock yourself out, fuckstick." FML

#21422165
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28169) - you deserved it (3134)

On 06/07/2015 at 3:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got kicked out of McDonalds for "skating" on the floor. The skating was actually me slipping on the wet floor and smacking my head into a table then getting bitched at for leaving blood on the floor. FML

#21420967
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31528) - you deserved it (2296)

On 06/04/2015 at 11:01pm - misc - by jared576 -

Today, I learned I'm claustrophobic by having a raging oh-god-I'm-gonna-fucking-die panic attack while I was stuck inside an MRI scanner. FML

#21408444
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25203) - you deserved it (1995)

On 05/11/2015 at 3:39pm - health - by birchbeer - United States (California)

Today, due to awkward circumstances, I am living with my ex-girlfriend and her new girlfriend. FML

Today, I was staying at my boyfriend's house while he was at work, and put on his pants to make some tea. As I took my hot tea and laptop upstairs, the pants slowly started to fall down. I had to keep climbing with my pants around my knees, and shuffle awkwardly past my boyfriend's father. FML

#21399154
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25068) - you deserved it (7710)

On 04/24/2015 at 6:38pm - misc - by Bullet4MyChemaMo - Ireland (Cork)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was so sleep-deprived, I thought a white car driving toward me was a polar bear. I screamed like a little girl and started panicking. I live in California. FML

#21396178
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26698) - you deserved it (6883)

On 04/19/2015 at 11:06am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, a friendly game of Cards Against Humanity somehow ended in a screaming match, my best friend's mother pulling out her tits, and me getting bit in the foot by a dog. FML



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