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Mobility
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50 favourites
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It’s in the can
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Today, I ate at Chipotle. There was a girl sitting alone, so I asked if I could eat lunch with her. She said yes, and as I sat down I tried to open my bag of chips. When trying to do so, my hand slipped, and I punched myself in the face. She laughed, and promptly left. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21068) - you deserved it (5604)
On 02/17/2011 at 10:02pm - misc - by justmyluck? -
Today, I got stuck in a small elevator. It started to violently judder up and down after I pressed the 'Help' buzzer. The man on the intercom wouldn't stop laughing at how my voice was jumpy from the juddering movements before he called for help. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19077) - you deserved it (2153)
On 02/17/2011 at 8:31pm - misc - by stuckinalift (woman) - United Kingdom
Today, my boyfriend renamed all the contacts in my phone to see if I'd notice. Thanks to him, I've been sending dirty texts to my boss. The worst part is my boss was responding back. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39366) - you deserved it (4213)
On 02/17/2011 at 1:37pm - intimacy - by fmylife117 - United States
Today, I was thinking about my new diet and workout plan as I was getting dressed in the morning, feeling much thinner and more energetic. Just as the thought passed through my brain, the button on my skirt popped off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19711) - you deserved it (4221)
On 02/17/2011 at 6:12am - health - by stillchubby (woman) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, I ran out of toilet paper in the bathroom. I was forced to use tissues to do the job. As if that wasn't bad enough, the sanitizer in the tissues gave me a rash that made me have to stand up frequently in the lecture hall. Several people asked if I had Tourette's. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19736) - you deserved it (2871)
On 02/17/2011 at 1:22am - health - by no more tp -
Today, I went to the vending machine, put in a dollar, and reached down to grab my snack. The slot door wouldn't open, so I pushed it harder. I got my hand in, but the door got stuck again, this time with my hand inside. I tried to push with my other hand. It got stuck too. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20272) - you deserved it (8032)
On 02/16/2011 at 6:58pm - misc - by CandyMachine (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, at the library, somebody left themselves logged in to Facebook on a public computer after they had left. Trying to teach them a lesson, I updated their Facebook status to something outrageous. That's when they came back to the computer after getting something from the printer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5003) - you deserved it (53796)
On 02/16/2011 at 6:16pm - misc - by fail (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I have a condition that, when I pull my foreskin back, it looks as if a rubber band has been put on it. The doctor told me the only way to fix it was to have me circumcised. My mum laughed, then asked him if he had a magnifying lens to do it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31463) - you deserved it (3473)
On 02/16/2011 at 7:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I fell down some steps, and my dad laughed at me. He then changed his facebook status to "My kid's an idiot." FML
I agree, your life sucks (24825) - you deserved it (5190)
On 02/15/2011 at 9:32pm - misc - by Ihavealisp (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, while sitting on the couch, my boyfriend came over, pulled his penis out of his fly, and started stabbing me in the face with it while humming the Jaws theme. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38803) - you deserved it (10398)
On 02/15/2011 at 2:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I got a ticket for vandalizing public property. I decided to draw a cat on the street outside my house in sidewalk chalk. I'm 20, and I have to explain to my parents why I'm playing with chalk instead of studying. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11897) - you deserved it (16650)
On 02/15/2011 at 2:03pm - animals - by AliRocks (woman) - United States (California)
Today, the lady running the pastry shop asked who I buy the second pastry for every day. I lied and told her that it's for a coworker. I eat them both. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7113) - you deserved it (23739)
On 02/15/2011 at 1:25am - misc - by a fatty -
Today, the only person to wish me a Happy Valentine's day was a wrong number calling my cell phone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25116) - you deserved it (3089)
On 02/14/2011 at 10:07pm - love - by moe (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I dreamed I was getting married. I was wearing a white dress, had incredible cleavage and perfectly done makeup. Just one problem. I'm a guy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40124) - you deserved it (7612)
On 02/14/2011 at 1:24am - misc - by bride (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, a man pulled me violently into an alleyway and informed me I was being mugged. Being a body-builder, I said, "Oh yeah? I dare you." He kicked my ass in a matter of seconds, stole my wallet, then farted on my bruised face. He called me a wimp. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10942) - you deserved it (42166)
On 02/13/2011 at 10:25pm - misc - by NotAsToughAsHeThinks (man) - United States (Montana)
Monday 17 June 2013
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