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nihongoso's FML badges
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nihongoso's favorite FMLs
Today, my girlfriend tried to justify having a one night stand with some other guy, with the words, "I'm on my period, okay?!" She acted like I was crazy when I asked how the fuck that made any sense. FML
by Anonymous / 02/06/2015 at 3:10pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, my mom accused me of smoking weed. Truth is, I'd just ripped the quietest and weirdest smelling fart of my life. She wouldn't believe me, accused me of making stupid excuses up, and grounded me. FML
by valarmorgoolies / 02/06/2015 at 1:51pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by fucked / 02/06/2015 at 3:06am / Singapore / Work
by ZAnon / 02/06/2015 at 2:06am / United States (Texas) / Animals
by Milked Richard / 02/05/2015 at 11:14pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, in an effort to avoid my school's strict no-gum policy as my teacher made a b-line to me, I swallowed it. By the time the teacher reached me, the gum was on my desk, as well as my breakfast, thanks to my overactive gag reflex. FML
by gumchuck / 02/05/2015 at 4:03pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by DreamsDontComeTrue / 02/05/2015 at 1:15am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by jamienicole1993 / 02/04/2015 at 8:21pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
Today, my date dropped me off at home and briefly met my parents. As he was leaving he whispered into my ear, "I want to feel the inside of your vagina with the outside of my penis." My parents totally heard. FML
by MIB thingy please... / 02/04/2015 at 8:21pm / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
Today, I got a wedgie after a workout class. As I was walking, I used my gym bag to discreetly unwedgie it, and then turned around to check that no one was there. The cute guy that I had a crush on last year was right behind me, and by the look on his face, it wasn't discreet. FML
by nooo / 02/04/2015 at 7:00pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love
Today, I was talking to my friend in Spanish because he understands it better than English. We were in the middle of a discussion about a TV show when some guy from our school ran up, spat on my shoes and screamed, "I SPEAK SPANISH, STOP TALKING ABOUT ME!" and ran away. FML
by marigoldcobain / 02/04/2015 at 6:11pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, my fiancée told me about her new diet. Apparently, she is only going to drink water and tan in a tanning bed so she can photosynthesise. She thinks this will help her lose weight, since she doesn't have to eat anything. I'm dating a dumbass. FML
by lucas90 / 02/04/2015 at 4:42pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Love
by No thank you / 02/04/2015 at 3:17pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
Today, at work, I sneezed so hard that I hit my head on my cash register. A second later, I heard roaring laughter from the security room, followed by someone saying to play it back. I'd almost convinced myself it wasn't about me, when one of the guys came out and gave me a thumb up. FML
by Grrrreat / 02/04/2015 at 10:16am / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…