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nihongoso's FML badges
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nihongoso's favorite FMLs
Today, my car went missing. My sister constantly asks to borrow it, so I called her and asked if she had it. She swore blind that she didn't, so I called the cops and reported it stolen. They soon caught her driving the stolen vehicle. She blames me and is now telling everyone I set her up to be arrested. FML
by Anonymous / 08/14/2015 at 6:57am / Ukraine (Donets'ka Oblast') / Transportation
Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex, and he asked me to tell him what I wanted him to do. I said I wanted him to make me scream and cum. To which he replied, "Okay, be realistic now". FML
by imonfmlnow / 08/13/2015 at 12:24pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I quit my job so I wouldn't have to work with this one complete fuck-wit anymore. I told him what I thought of him, and then walked away giving him the middle finger. Turns out, he is a regular customer at my new job. Everyone loves him and thinks he's awesome. FML
by Anonymous / 07/02/2015 at 12:49am / Australia (Queensland) / Work
by Smeagogole / 07/02/2015 at 12:30am / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Miscellaneous
Today, my flight was at the other side of the airport. I ran to the gate, to find that the flight had moved to the other side of the airport. So I ran again to miss my plane by a minute. However I did get a new flight... at the other end of the airport. FML
by Anonymous / 07/01/2015 at 3:09pm / United States (Florida) / Transportation
by Iarla_ceapaire93 / 06/16/2015 at 1:27pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Health
by poorlyparented / 06/16/2015 at 8:05am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, after 5 years in a row of my family doing absolutely nothing to even acknowledge my birthday, I got train tickets to see my boyfriend for the weekend and celebrate with him. I woke up to 6 angry texts about how I'm 'selfish' for not staying at home with my family. FML
by happy21sttome / 06/15/2015 at 9:39am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
Today, I opened my front door to be greeted by what I can only describe as the stink of death. After moving furniture and lifting floorboards, frantically searching for whatever had died, I finally discovered the actual source of the stench - my girlfriend's feet. FML
by Gagging / 06/15/2015 at 7:57am / United Kingdom (Glasgow City) / Miscellaneous
Today, at the supermarket, a woman came up to me and said I looked just like her son, who was killed in Afghanistan. She tearfully asked if she could hug me "one last time". It was a little weird, but I let her. 10 minutes later, at the checkout, I realized she'd pickpocketed my wallet. FML
by Justin 'Cuntface' Bieber III / 06/14/2015 at 9:41am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Money
Today, I tried to get a piece of glass out of my big toe. After an hour of poking and prodding, I finally got it out only for it to fall on the floor where I couldn't find it. Not five minutes later, I stepped on it again. FML
Today, I started my new job at a haunted house. I figured I'd change clothes when I got home, since my bloody shirt and zombie makeup were blatantly just an outfit. I barely made it 10 minutes before I was pinned to the ground at gunpoint, cuffed, and needing new underwear. FML
by Anonymous / 06/13/2015 at 11:47am / United States (Arkansas) / Work
by Anonymous / 06/13/2015 at 10:26am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Real Life Sucks / 05/26/2015 at 12:50pm / United States / Money
Today, I was looking at old pictures with my mom and saw one of myself crying in kindergarten. I asked why I was crying. She said that was the day a boy kissed me on the cheek, and I thought I'd gotten pregnant. She then decided to give me the sex talk. FML
by shitty shit / 05/26/2015 at 11:40am / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy
- Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, and she asked me if I ever get made… Today, in an attempt to spice up our relationship, I tied my boyfriend up and did a strip tease for… Today, I put some of my wife's eucalyptus oil in my bath to make it relaxing. I soon found out the…