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nihongoso

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nihongoso
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nihongoso's favorite FMLs

Today, marks the fourth straight night that my girlfriend has screamed and cried in fear, scratching and kicking me in her sleep. The reason? I took her to see Paranormal Activity 3. FML

#18061589
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12454) - you deserved it (42176)

On 10/24/2011 at 5:47am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was at a shooting range with my father. The target was a creepy poster of a man. My father said, "This one is for your boyfriend." Perfect groin shot. FML

#18057000
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20201) - you deserved it (2916)

On 10/23/2011 at 7:08pm - love - by Mrs. Terrified - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my husband and I were getting intimate when a notification for a game popped up on his iPad. He immediately shoved me aside so he could take care of his baby dragon. FML

#18052733
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30938) - you deserved it (3869)

On 10/23/2011 at 8:38am - love - by mrs.nerd - United States

Today, I was sitting in my room while my mom was talking to my uncle. I had my door open. She said "Yeah my son doesn't know I have his phone password. Girls nowadays are real sluts." FML

#18051184
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25024) - you deserved it (7569)

On 10/23/2011 at 1:30am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, while at my job as a hostess, I was seating a couple and their adorable little girl. I tried to ask how old she was, but what came out was, "Aww, what breed is she?" FML

#18039986
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15111) - you deserved it (28069)

On 10/21/2011 at 5:27pm - work - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I ate a bowl of my girlfriend's homemade chili. She went a little heavy on the spices, but I ate it anyway. An hour later, I can now say that if it burns going in, it will explode coming out your rear. FML

#18038631
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24307) - you deserved it (4017)

On 10/21/2011 at 1:19pm - health - by DMStarsky - United States (Texas)

Today, I was chaperoning at my local high school's Homecoming dance. Outside the gym, I saw some kids drinking, so I walked over to stop them. One of them promptly spun around and punched me in the mouth. I had my ass handed to by a drunk 9th grader. FML

#18034298
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21915) - you deserved it (5237)

On 10/20/2011 at 9:17pm - misc - by smeeagain - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. After we finished, he went under the covers and started touching me. At first I thought he was trying to give me "oral pleasure". It turns out he lost the condom inside of me and was trying to fish it out before I noticed. FML

Today, I came home crying and informed my mother that someone had called me a 'fat bitch' today. She held me at arms length, looked me straight in the eyes, and lovingly said, "You can't change who you are." FML

#18030878
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28085) - you deserved it (5573)

On 10/20/2011 at 12:16pm - misc - by Anonymous - Ireland (Meath)

Today, it was our 5th anniversary, so I decided to play a little joke on my girlfriend. Before I gave her the real present, an engagement ring, I gave her a gift-wrapped rolling pin instead. I ended up in the hospital. FML

#18029483
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24385) - you deserved it (16784)

On 10/20/2011 at 4:26am - love - by Awie (man) - Austria (Wien)

Today, this weird girl started texting me. I really didn't want to talk to her, so I texted back, "This message could not be delivered because of a temporery network setup error. Error 2128-226110." She replied, "You spelt temporary wrong." FML

#18026685
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9557) - you deserved it (57317)

On 10/19/2011 at 9:38pm - misc - by tommyboy783 - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I learned that the only reason most of my students come to lecture is that they have a running bet on how many times I say "OK" in two hours. It was 137 last week. FML

#18025254
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20219) - you deserved it (8610)

On 10/19/2011 at 6:42pm - work - by Habit - United Kingdom (Leeds)

Today, I went out shopping. When I left the store, I saw my ex, who I'm still crazy about. He helped me carry my bags out to the car. When I leaned in to give him a hug goodbye, he stepped aside, and I fell face-first into a puddle. He walked away laughing. FML

#18015819
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28100) - you deserved it (8481)

On 10/18/2011 at 3:36pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, while performing a rectal exam on my female patient, I inadvertently said, "Okay, you're going to feel some pleasure now." I meant "pressure". Her husband was in the room. FML

#18014569
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39276) - you deserved it (8141)

On 10/18/2011 at 11:01am - intimacy - by imy - United States (Texas)

Today, my mom left for a business trip. Thinking it was a good time to throw a party, I mass messaged everyone on my contact list. I thought it was going to be a success. The problem with this? My mom is on my contacts list. She replied "I'll be home in an hour. You're grounded." FML

#17992894
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6208) - you deserved it (56210)

On 10/15/2011 at 8:47pm - misc - by mass message (woman) - Canada (Alberta)



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