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Mobility
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50 favourites
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It’s in the can
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Today, I went horseback riding with this guy I like. I asked him to help me get on the horse. I slipped, and while trying to keep my balance, I kicked him in the face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19188) - you deserved it (4542)
On 12/20/2010 at 1:22am - love - by Me -
Today, I went with my sister to her company Christmas party. They had a gift raffle, my number was called and I won $25 for a local restaurant. A few moments later, the manager came over and said, "You don't work here? You can't have that" and took it from me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19663) - you deserved it (5079)
On 12/15/2010 at 11:08pm - misc - by unlucky (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I came to the realization I make a living trimming the hair off dogs' privates. I've touched more dog penises than I have human ones, and sometimes the dogs get "excited" while I'm working. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25130) - you deserved it (5212)
On 12/15/2010 at 12:07pm - intimacy - by penisgrabber - United States (Louisiana)
Today, while giving a brief presentation at work, I blanked out on what I was going to say. I tried to make a joke and tell them I'd had a brain fart, but all I managed to say was "I farted". Well, at least they all laughed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22807) - you deserved it (6333)
On 12/15/2010 at 6:57am - work - by Mike -
Today, my toddler stood up in the shopping cart and fell giving himself a black eye. Later while at a restaurant he tried to stand up in his highchair. I quickly blurted out "Sit down! Do you want another one of those?" while pointing at his eye. Now the waiter wont stop glaring at me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33282) - you deserved it (7642)
On 12/15/2010 at 12:42am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nevada)
Today, I was driving with my dog. Looking out the half-open window he stepped on the switch, the window went up, causing his head to get stuck. I looked down and he had scared the shit out of himself, all over my shirt. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20977) - you deserved it (8541)
On 12/14/2010 at 11:24pm - animals - by fufu_mutt (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, whilst pleasuring myself in my bedroom, I began absent-mindedly staring at a spider on the ceiling. It wasn't until the point of climax that I realised that I was, in effect, masturbating over a spider. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18840) - you deserved it (16007)
On 12/14/2010 at 7:00pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Gloucestershire)
Today, I got home from work to find an eviction notice taped to my door, stating that I was a nuisance and had 30 days to vacate the property. I live at home with my parents. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19562) - you deserved it (6425)
On 12/14/2010 at 1:41pm - misc - by homeless (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to speak Parseltongue to my vagina to "prepare the Chamber of Secrets for entry". FML
I agree, your life sucks (33602) - you deserved it (8036)
On 12/13/2010 at 12:35pm - intimacy - by Wisconsin love - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I'm spending the night with the guy I've been interested in for a while. Instead of sleeping in the same bed together, he insists that I sleep in another room because he "doesn't want to be tempted to do anything." So, I'm alone, in my best lingerie, in his little brother's room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24663) - you deserved it (5732)
On 12/13/2010 at 9:57am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)
Today, after months of dieting, I finally reached my goal weight. Excitedly I told my boyfriend, who gave me a beautiful dress as an early Christmas present. It was a size too small. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21818) - you deserved it (4232)
On 12/12/2010 at 3:32pm - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Surrey)
Today, I accidentally ran over a squirrel on the road. I was late for work so I didn't stop. Later, someone keyed the word PETA into the side of my car. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23521) - you deserved it (9356)
On 12/12/2010 at 2:29am - animals - by riddick0846 (man) - United States (California)
Today, my wife was complaining she always has to put up the Christmas tree. So this year while she was out shopping, I decided to put it up. I set it too close to the fireplace and it caught fire. I'm a firefighter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9735) - you deserved it (32431)
On 12/10/2010 at 12:11am - misc - by 479firefighter -
Today, after playing on the same basketball team for eight years with the same coach, he kicked me off the team to make room for my younger brother, who I taught to play basketball in the first place. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23169) - you deserved it (3262)
On 12/09/2010 at 9:49pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, while walking past a homeless man, I heard him comment on the woman in front of me saying, "I should come to this side of town more often, there's some hotties here." Then he saw me and said, "Wait, no, I think I'll stay on the other side of town." FML
I agree, your life sucks (20430) - you deserved it (3103)
On 12/07/2010 at 8:49pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)
Monday 17 June 2013
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