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Mobility
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50 favourites
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Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. He's been calling his penis "fun-sized" for a while now, but I didn't know he meant it really was the size of a fun-size candy bar. I'm pretty sure I'm still technically a virgin. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41070) - you deserved it (6575)
On 01/05/2011 at 3:49pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I realised it takes me longer to take a dump than it does to have sex with my boyfriend. I also realised taking a dump is more satisfying. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28872) - you deserved it (4571)
On 01/02/2011 at 8:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)
Today, after spotting my ex-boyfriend's truck in a desolate parking lot, I decided to "decorate" the muddy side of it with a rather large male appendage. After checking around me to make sure there were no witnesses, I got to work. I probably should have made sure he wasn't sitting in the truck. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5057) - you deserved it (31326)
On 12/30/2010 at 7:07pm - love - by lululee53 (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my boyfriend asked me to 'spice things up in the bedroom'. When I asked how, he said I could try wearing a paper bag over my head. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29263) - you deserved it (4392)
On 12/30/2010 at 9:09am - intimacy - by georgiahick -
Today, I rented a copy How To Train Your Dragon for my young son to watch. I put the DVD in, hit play without paying attention, and went off to make lunch. A few minutes later, my son ran into the kitchen screaming. Apparently, there was a mix up at the rental store and I got a copy of Saw IV. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31106) - you deserved it (8146)
On 12/25/2010 at 6:21pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I spent the morning in the ER with a broken arm. My little brother was in such a rush to get his presents first, that he violently shoved me out of the way on the stairs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19955) - you deserved it (1688)
On 12/25/2010 at 1:33pm - misc - by Connor - United States (New York)
Today, I gave my wife a $900 necklace as a special Christmas gift. She gave me a set of Star Wars pajamas. As it turns out, I was more excited to wear my gift than she was to wear hers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21990) - you deserved it (4084)
On 12/25/2010 at 2:31am - love - by ima nerd - United States (Alabama)
Today, I was wrapping Christmas presents for my family. I got a huge paper cut on the webbing of my fingers, the pain of which caused me to scream out loud. My whole family heard and came rushing to my room. My grandma took one look, and scoffed, "Oh suck it the f*ck up, princess." FML
I agree, your life sucks (8862) - you deserved it (18739)
On 12/25/2010 at 2:08am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I was at the dentist's, getting my teeth cleaned. He thought it would be funny to suddenly go on in detail about the fantastic sex he and his wife had the night before. I was unable to speak the entire time. The dentist is my grandpa. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32644) - you deserved it (2442)
On 12/24/2010 at 4:14pm - intimacy - by notsoclean (man) - United States (California)
Today, I used the restrooms at the shopping mall. The cleaning lady stepped in after me, immediately turned around and very demonstratively started spraying air freshener. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15032) - you deserved it (4539)
On 12/24/2010 at 5:52am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Netherlands
Today, the grades for one of my courses were released. The class average was higher than that which the department allowed, so the professor had to scale everyone's marks down to meet the policy. I ended up failing because my class was too smart. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25454) - you deserved it (4345)
On 12/23/2010 at 4:01pm - misc - by dumb4$$0rz - United States
Today, I overheard my husband telling my step-dad that I have the same ability to sniff out chocolate in a house as a certain animal has to find truffles in the woods. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13488) - you deserved it (4457)
On 12/22/2010 at 3:01am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I went and bought my wife a new cell phone for a Christmas present. She called me five minutes later saying she got a notification e-mail thanking her for her purchase. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17875) - you deserved it (9034)
On 12/21/2010 at 3:51pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I looked deep into my wife's eyes and told her how much I loved her and how much she meant to me. Her reply was "Clean your glasses." FML
I agree, your life sucks (21838) - you deserved it (2922)
On 12/21/2010 at 12:25pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom
Today, an attractive guy told me he wanted to get to know me and see me again. When I told my boyfriend, in hopes of stirring up some jealousy, he said "he'll regret it when he finds out what you're like in bed, trust me." FML
I agree, your life sucks (17015) - you deserved it (28732)
On 12/21/2010 at 4:38am - intimacy - by fail (woman) - United States (New York)
Friday 24 May 2013
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