About nicolemarkovic : Graphic design student, book lover, forever alone cat owner, cooking enthusiast, classical music fan, whiskey and beer drinking cigarettes smoking persona.
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Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
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Today, I had to bail on yet another date with an awesome guy. Every time I make a date, my hateful mother slips laxatives into my food so I'm glued to the shitter until 2am. This is the fourth time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24492) - you deserved it (2349)
On 08/19/2012 at 11:53pm - love - by Lauren - United States (Iowa)
Today, I had to bail my boyfriend out of jail. He got arrested because he was tugging his man-meat in the drive-thru at a McDonald's. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17882) - you deserved it (3520)
On 08/19/2012 at 10:05pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, as I was riding my bike, my foot slipped and I did a slow speed-tumble over the top, ripping my balls wide open. Number of stitches: too many to count. Size of balls: softball. Color: blue. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31144) - you deserved it (1491)
On 08/18/2012 at 1:15am - health - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I was so bored that I actually read the iTunes store's terms and conditions. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24884) - you deserved it (5475)
On 08/16/2012 at 3:50pm - misc - by cardsftw - United States (California)
Today, I realized why it's not a good idea to sleep with your boyfriend when he still lives with his mom. She may walk in, make you get dressed, and demand what you have to say for yourself. Trust me, "Your son is good at sex" is not the right answer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12182) - you deserved it (27861)
On 08/15/2012 at 12:31pm - intimacy - by shelby124 (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I witnessed my girlfriend and best "friend" getting intimate. In a dim-witted attempt to cover up, my best friend proclaimed, "This isn't what it looks like!" I might have given him the benefit of the doubt, had he not still been inside my girlfriend at the time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26298) - you deserved it (1196)
On 08/15/2012 at 12:04am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Australia
Today, I woke up to find my cat has gone into heat. Her favorite thing to do right now is sticking her ass in my face and howling like a Nazgûl. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13965) - you deserved it (2879)
On 07/30/2012 at 2:05pm - animals - by soph511 (woman) - France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur)
Today, due to my boyfriend teasing me about me possibly having been conceived on a beach because I was born in Hawaii, I finally asked my mom if I really was. She said no, but then told me in detail how much sex on a beach hurts when you get sand up your ass. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18123) - you deserved it (4969)
On 07/30/2012 at 1:56am - intimacy - by skyplaysguitar - United States (New Mexico)
Today, I went to the store to buy some new shirts. I tried them on and none of them fit. When I walked out to return the shirts, everybody was staring at me. I looked down to see why. I'd forgotten to put my original shirt back on. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6332) - you deserved it (13049)
On 07/30/2012 at 12:40am - misc - by hoaloha - United States (Arizona)
Today, I began to daydream about going on a diet and losing some weight. As I did so, I unknowingly reached for a giant bag of chips and ate the whole thing. Now, I have stopped daydreaming and am sitting alone and depressed. And I'm all out of chips. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7480) - you deserved it (20232)
On 07/29/2012 at 1:12am - misc - by daydreamer (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8843) - you deserved it (31189)
Today, my boyfriend and I broke up after three years. I came home and when my dad asked what was wrong, I told him. His first reaction was, "Well damn it. Who'll go fishing with me now?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (18015) - you deserved it (1679)
On 07/17/2012 at 3:19am - love - by lovealways22 (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, my girlfriend got a tattoo of a Rainbow Dash over her pubic mound. Now whenever I go down on her, I'll be eye-to-eye with an adorable pony that shits rainbows. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22925) - you deserved it (3474)
On 07/02/2012 at 3:53pm - intimacy - by nobrony (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I realized just how much of a bitch I am when I grounded my son for not telling me what he got me for my birthday. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4278) - you deserved it (57275)
On 06/28/2012 at 4:29pm - kids - by MeanMother - United States (Missouri)
Today, I confronted my daughter about the various drug-associated items I found in her room. She then confronted me about going in her room and invading her privacy, to the point where I forgot the main issue and apologised to her. I just got outsmarted by a teenage pothead. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7312) - you deserved it (25551)
On 06/27/2012 at 7:28pm - kids - by apparantlyStupid - Canada (Alberta)
Monday 20 May 2013
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