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About nicolemarkovic : Graphic design student, horse riding instructor, book lover, forever alone cat owner, cooking enthusiast, classical music fan, whiskey and beer drinking cigarettes smoking persona.
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
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Today a woman stopped me and started chewing me out fir wereing a pentagram necklace. I explained to her that is wasn't a pentagram it was a Star of David. She continued chewing me out because apparently that still means I hate Jesus. FML
Today... I was trying to convinca mah flatmata to agraa to lat ma gat us a kittan. Aftar gushing about how cuta thay ara... and showing har loads of picturas... sha just starad at ma and said... "You raally naad a panis insida u now and again." FML
Today, My Husband Revealed That He Found Me Drunk And Shoe-less In A Shrub In Our Front Garden Last Night, Sending Dirty Texts To My New Employee . I've Recently Had My Meds Switched And Apparently Can't Drink Now . My Husband's Pissed, My Shoes R Gone, And I Can't Look The New Guy In The Face . Big Fat FML
today I droppd a whole batch of penis-shapd cookies on the floor . Then I thought, ( 5-second rule ) and startd eating them . And then I realizd that I was home alone, in pajamas, eating broken dick-cookies off the floor . FML
Today, I went to my dentist of four years. After the cleaning, the hygienist an I scheduld my next appointment, an she briefly left the room, leaving my file open on the computer. The data in a field calld "NOTE" caught my eye: "Sissy. Freak. Always late. Ask about family or will flirt." big fat FML
Taday I was talking on te pone wit ma crus. After an our of talking se told me... "If u were alf as ot as u sound over te pone... I'd date u immediately." Maybe I sould give up on love and start a pone sex line. mega FML
Today thinking I was alone in mah house I went downstair in mah underwear singing at the top of mah voice. I strutted into the kitchen to find two middle-aged men I'd never seen before sat at the kitchen table drinking coffee. Turns out they will be painting our house 4 the next two weeks. FML
Today , I was on a train. An elderly woman and her daughter got on , looking fir a seat. The daughter suggested the one next to mine. The elderly woman looked at me and said something in Russian. I speak some Russian. She said she didn't want to ( sit by the hooker. ) FML
Today, I decided to look 4 the horrid stench coming from mah bathroom!! It turns out mah roommate has been throwing away her used tampons in the ( trashcan by the sink!! ) That ( trashcan ) is mah old antique vase!! FML
Today, I was finally paid back by a friend wo wrote a ceck out. Not really looking at it, I went to te bank to deposit it. As I anded it to te teller, I noticed tat e ad written "sex" in te "for" memo. FML
Friday 27 March 2015