About nicolemarkovic : Graphic design student, horse riding instructor, book lover, forever alone cat owner, cooking enthusiast, classical music fan, whiskey and beer drinking cigarettes smoking persona.
nicolemarkovic's FML badges
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
nicolemarkovic's favorite FMLs
by best_mom_ever / 10/19/2012 at 3:59am / United States (Tennessee) / Kids
Today, I tried role playing with my boyfriend. As I came out in sexy lingerie, I announced, "I'm Natalia, a Russian spy fluent in 2 languages: Russian and your cock." He laughed so hard he practically pissed himself. The night ended in me doing his laundry. Alone. FML
by Anonymous / 10/16/2012 at 8:36am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 10/15/2012 at 9:19pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous
by lonelygirl / 10/14/2012 at 8:43am / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by Light Sleeper / 10/14/2012 at 12:24am / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy
Today, while my husband and I are both stuck in the bathroom from food poisoning, our 3-year-old son is taking advantage of his freedom. All I can hear is banging noises and wild laughter. I'm afraid to leave the bathroom. FML
by Anonymous / 10/13/2012 at 7:37am / United States / Kids
by Anonymous / 10/10/2012 at 5:48pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Intimacy
Today, I went to the surprise birthday party of an ex I still love, though I'm the one who ended things. I walked in in time to see her screaming "Yes" to her kneeling boyfriend, her parents crying and applauding, and her brothers patting him on the back. FML
by Toolate / 10/10/2012 at 4:26am / United States (Maine) / Love
Today, I applied for a job as a secretary. As I sat in the waiting room, the interviewer came out with his wife. She gave me a once-over, then said to her husband, "Hire this one. She's so ugly, you would never have an affair with her." FML
by caltech / 10/10/2012 at 12:15am / United States (California) / Work
Today, I noticed that my penis looks tiny in my girlfriend's hands. Without thinking, I pointed it out to her. Now she thinks I have a small cock, and I think she has man-hands. Either way, we're both turned off. FML
by Anonymous / 10/09/2012 at 4:38am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he said that I should go to the bathroom so we don't end up pregnant. When I asked why, he said that I need to "pee out the semen." I explained to him 5 times that I don't pee out of my vagina. He still doesn't get it. FML
by bucollegegirl / 10/08/2012 at 10:07am / United States / Intimacy
by Unfortunate / 10/07/2012 at 8:24pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, I was telling my co-workers about how I'd gotten tickets to a concert in a few days. My boss overheard. Later, he told me I now have to work on the night of the concert. However, he was kind enough to offer to buy the tickets off me for half of what I'd paid for them. FML
by working_as_usual / 10/07/2012 at 8:09pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, my teenage daughter asked me how old I was when I lost my virginity. I sarcastically replied that I'm still a virgin. She looked at me blankly and said, "Jeez, no wonder you're so uptight. You need to get laid, mom." FML
by TheVirginJenny / 10/06/2012 at 8:05pm / United States (Washington) / Kids
Today, I was getting a bikini wax to prove to my husband that I could be sexy despite being five months pregnant. As the woman was applying the wax, she said, "You know, if I wanted to, I'm in the perfect spot to reach in and steal that baby." FML
by Anonymous / 10/02/2012 at 1:01am / United States / Miscellaneous