About nicolemarkovic : Graphic design student, horse riding instructor, book lover, forever alone cat owner, cooking enthusiast, classical music fan, whiskey and beer drinking cigarettes smoking persona.
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This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
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nicolemarkovic's favorite FMLs
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I cried and told him that I loved him. He gave me a quarter and told me to call someone who cared. I threw the quarter in his face and ran. I waited for the bus, but when I got on, I realized I was 25 cents short of the fare. I walked home in the rain. FML
by GD / 02/21/2009 at 5:11pm / Canada (Quebec) / Love
by AppoKing / 02/19/2009 at 4:14pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by swtkiss1 / 02/18/2009 at 5:26pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I finally hooked up with a boy I really liked. We were lying in bed and my panties were already off when he asked me : "Would you also have sex with me if you weren't drunk?". I responded "Yes!" and asked him the same question, at which he responded : "No, probably not." FML
by Dannylover / 02/17/2009 at 3:53pm / Netherlands (Noord-Holland) / Intimacy
by stillsingleladies / 02/17/2009 at 10:27am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML
by The Sbeak / 02/13/2009 at 10:54am / United States (Rhode Island) / Intimacy
by bittersweet / 02/07/2009 at 10:08pm / United States (New York) / Love
by God hates me / 01/25/2009 at 7:14pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I was hitting on a girl that was getting ready to walk into the same class as I. We were waiting outside the room, and I told her that I heard the Professor for the course was a total bitch. We walked into the room. I sat down in a desk. She stood behind the podium. FML
by footinmouth / 01/21/2009 at 6:15pm / United States (Iowa) / Love
Today, well actually last night, I did a full striptease for my girlfriend to "You can leave your hat on". When the song was over, I was then completely naked, she says to me : "Maybe we should have closed the shutters!" FML
Today, my dad surprised me by moving my bed (involving disassembling and reassembling it) in my new room, because I couldn't find how I wanted to set it up. He also took care of putting back my vibrator between the mattress and the base, where it was hidden. FML
Today, we had the (great?) idea of having sex on a bean bag before my roomate got back home. Result: thousands of small polystyrene balls all over the living room. And no, they can't be picked up in 30 minutes. FML
by AirOne / 11/12/2008 at 9:39am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, my mum was watching a program about sexually transmitted diseases. Later on she starts telling me that I should be careful and use the right protection when having sex. Suddenly she stops and says « Actually I don’t know why I’m telling you this, after all you don’t have a boyfriend! » and walks away. FML
- 1Today, I've stopped smoking, lost 30 pounds, taken several painful tests, and checked my ovulation… 2Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had… 3Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went…
- Today, I learned that a spontaneous romantic gesture of arriving home early with flowers and wine… Today, I asked my girl friend of a year and a half to give me a blow job. She replied okay and bent… Today, at my job as a cashier, a very old man came through my checkout. His purchase consisted of a…