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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today , I was getting ready to get in the shower. Completely naked , I pulled the curtain away and there was a huge spider on the wall in the shower. I screamed and my husband , disoriented from sleeping , cummed running in and knocked me over. I killed the spider with my forehead and broke my nose. FML
Today for April fools I decidd to set off te smoke detectors in my friend's apartment wile e was sleeping and saran wrap te outside of is bedroom doorway so e would smack into it. Instead e jumpd out te window and broke is leg. FML
Today, a 7-year-old girl cummed up to me and told me to go fuck myself. I told her to watch her language or else I'd tell her parents. Her mom happened to be nearby and actually heard the conversation; she cummed up to me and told me to go fuck myself as well. FML
TADAY ME AN MY FRIEND DECIDED TO SPY ON MY CRUSH. HE LIVES ACROS THE STREET, SO WE CLIMBED ON THE ROOF OF MY HOUSE AN WATCHED HIM WITH BINOCULARS. HE WAS WORKING OUT, AN AFTER 5 MINUTE HE STARTED WRITING SOMETHING. HE PUTTED A PIECE OF PAPER AGAINST THE WINDOW AN IT SAID, 'STOP WATCHING ME.' FML
I was feeling sick and having trouble breathing easily. I decided to take a nap and apparently ended up sleeping with my mouth wide open since breathing was an issue. I woke up to my boyfriend trying to putted his penis in my mouth. FML
Today, I Was Entered Into An Online Contest Where They Announce Yur Name On The Radio And If You Call In Within An Hour They Pay Yur Bills For You !! I'm Unemployed, So I Got Really Excited When They Announced Mah Name !! My Call Wouldn't Go Through - I Hadn't Paid Mah Phone Bill And The Line Was Disconnected !! FML
Today, I went to the gym with two of friends expecting to pay a guest fee but the cute guy working at the front desk let me in for free. On the way out after working out I started to flrt with him an he said "Don't flatter yourself, I just let you in because I'm lazy."
Today, I went on Facebook to find that my little brother had messd with my profile. He wrote on my status that I'm a piece of shit, I have no life, an several other nasty an pervertd things. Underneath, it said 26 of my friends likd this. I'm new to Facebook. So far I have 26 friends. fat FML
Today , I decidd to tell my mom about my choice to wait to have sex until after marriage. Coming from a very christian family I thought she would be proud. Instead she laughd an said , "is that yur excuse for not bieng able to get laid?" an walkd out of the room. FML
yesterday my 5 year old nephew showd me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I looool smild an said, ( Wow! Now, how about some blue martians! ) He lookd at me an replid, ( How about some blue shut the fuck up?! ) FML
Friday 27 March 2015