Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
This member hasn't filled in the description.
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Up and coming moderator
It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Her huge, ex-Marine father took me out back, saying he wanted to show me something. That something was a machete. He savagely buried it in a tree stump and said, "Son, if you break my daughter's heart, that'll be your dick." FML
Today, my dad was driving me to college. I'd cracked a joke about how old people like him shouldn't be allowed to drive, and I guess he took it personally, what with him speeding straight up to the parking lot wall, and only braking after I started shrieking in terror. FML
Today, I found out that my resume contained the word "masturbation" in the skills section, courtesy of a practical joke by my best friend. I have been using this CV unsuccessfully for over two months. FML
Today, I was jamming out and playing some air guitar. I somehow managed to knee myself directly in my left eye socket. I now have a hideously swollen face and a black eye. When people ask me what happened, I'll be hesitant to tell the truth. FML
Today, I went swimming in a pond. I came out covered in leeches. Terrified, I screamed, flailed about and cried out for help until half a dozen people ran over. One of them was kind enough to point out that those leeches I was so afraid of were actually patches of mud. FML
Today, I choked on a gummy bear and ended up in the emergency room. The first thing the doctor said to me was, "Well, that must have been 'beary' uncomfortable." The entire room burst into laughter. FML
Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML
Friday 24 October 2014