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nickellamelina's favorite FMLs
Today, I had my first kiss with this guy that I really liked. We started making out and he stopped and had this bizarre look on his face. I thought he was liking it, so I said, "You're a good kisser, you wanna go to the bedroom?" He replied with, "I'll pass, you have really bad breath". FML
by kelscait / 07/01/2009 at 6:26pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I was at my job at an old folks home, and I was cleaning off a table when one old lady looks up at me and says "I've been a dirty dirty girl" in a seductive tone, I thought she meant about the table so I said "yes you have" then she winked at me, I walked away fast. FML
by Anonymous / 06/12/2009 at 3:53am / Canada (Alberta) / Work
by Anonymous / 06/02/2009 at 7:05am / Australia (Queensland) / Love
by AquaRevolver / 05/25/2009 at 6:35am / New Zealand (Wellington) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend who has been overseas the last four months broke up with me. I sent him a care package two days ago. He'll get homemade cookies (his mom's recipe), naughty videos of me and a letter telling him how much I love him in about a week. FML
by bettycrocker / 05/14/2009 at 2:16pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, I was on a date with this girl I actually like. The date was going really well and it seemed like it would be a good night. Well while in the movie theater I went to hold her hand and instead she gave me a hand shake and said "You're so funny I'm so glad we're friends". FML
by heartbreakkid21 / 05/14/2009 at 11:22am / United States (Illinois) / Love
Today, my football club gave us all jerseys with our last names on them. My last name is 'Flicker'. The letters are all in uppercase. And the 'L' and the 'I' are joined together at the bottom. My jersey reads 'FUCKER'. FML
by Flicker / 05/14/2009 at 3:23am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I really get off on hearing her say my name so I was imagining her doing so more often than she actually was. I then called out my own name by accident. FML
by eeh / 05/07/2009 at 10:45am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
Today, I was in spanish class, having a debate about the death penalty. When I went to make a point, I meant to say "La pena de muerte", which means "The death penalty". I said, "La pene de muerte". Turns out that means, "The penis of death". FML
by Señor Guapo / 03/04/2009 at 12:42pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
by LonelyInLA / 02/16/2009 at 4:45pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was watching 'Tool Academy' with my girlfriend. When asked which Tool I would be, I replied with Power Tool. She then stated I would be 'Tiny Tool'. I'm 240 pounds. I don't know if she was calling me fat, or saying I have a small penis. My best guess would be both. FML
by soundbox / 01/26/2009 at 7:21pm / United States (Florida) / Love
Today, I invited a girl I really like to spend the afternoon at my place. Everything went great... with my sister. They became really good friends, and me, well, I tried to alleviate my boredom in front of my computer. FML
Today, I began to undress my wife, who was watching TV, and gave her a massage to relax her while she watched her soap. 20 minutes later, when the programme came to an end, she said "I wish you'd let me watch TV in peace!". FML
by Noname / 11/25/2008 at 1:05pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Love