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nickellamelina's favorite FMLs
Today, my band and I played at our first ever real gig. Our drummer turned up high out of his damn mind. After ruining our act with his godawful performance, he screamed "HELL YEAH!" then ran and dove off the stage into a nearly non-existent audience. We were told to never come back. FML
by Anonymous / 06/07/2013 at 3:32pm / Canada (Quebec) / Work
by ._. / 06/04/2013 at 8:08pm / United Kingdom (Bedfordshire) / Intimacy
by tinypenis / 06/04/2013 at 8:15am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/03/2013 at 4:14pm / Poland (Kujawsko-Pomorskie) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 06/03/2013 at 1:47am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, my dad watched his first Lord of the Rings marathon. Now he keeps spouting lines from the movies, and thought it'd be funny to hide in my closet, just to jump out at me screaming, "My precious!" FML
by Anonymous / 06/02/2013 at 6:36pm / United Kingdom (Thurrock) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was walking down the stairs with my guitar in hand, singing "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" to my wife. I sang, "I don't wanna close my eyes, I don't wanna fall". Before I could say "asleep", I fell down the stairs. My wife almost pissed her pants laughing. My bum hurts. FML
by Anonymous / 05/28/2013 at 12:37pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
Today, a package was delivered to my house, addressed to me, clearly marked "sexual health products". Inside were condoms, birth control pills, and an invoice made out to me. My parents went ballistic and grounded me. Whoever staged this "hilarious" prank: well played, asshole. FML
by Anonymous / 05/24/2013 at 5:43pm / Iceland (Eyjafjardarsysla) / Intimacy
Today, while I was out shopping, a fairly hideous-looking woman stormed up to me and accused me of ogling her, saying, "As if I'd ever date you!" Less than a minute later, she'd somehow managed to bully me into falsely admitting to it and apologizing. FML
by walmart: first time, last time / 05/12/2013 at 12:37pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, it's my wedding day. I have a cold sore that makes me look like The Joker. Make-up won't cover it and the emergency medicine my doctor gave me only irritates it more. My future husband asks, "Why so serious?" and laughs whenever he sees me. Fantastic. FML
by sharibaby / 04/30/2013 at 5:26pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
by my dumb bro / 04/17/2013 at 12:13pm / United States (Arkansas) / Kids
by OPhere / 04/15/2013 at 3:37am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I baked my friend a cake for his 21st birthday. When I arrived at his house, his girlfriend, who hadn't made him anything, screamed at me for "making her look bad." She then took the cake, banned me from the party, and kicked me out. FML
by NZgirl92 / 04/14/2013 at 10:29pm / New Zealand (Wellington) / Miscellaneous
Today, my sister went into a blind rage at me for "upstaging" her by announcing that I'm pregnant, two months after she did the same. My husband and I have been trying for two years. She's in high school and doesn't even know who the father is. FML
by bntje / 04/14/2013 at 4:39pm / Netherlands (Overijssel) / Miscellaneous
Today, when I was talking to my younger brother, he suddenly said "Oh, I was supposed to tell you that there's this girl who has a huge crush on you!" I asked who and he answered, "I totally forgot her name, that was like 2 months ago." FML
by MissedTheBoat / 04/14/2013 at 3:28am / Canada (Alberta) / Love
- Today, it’s been a week since I arrived in Cuba. Gustav came to visit us. Now it’s Hannah’s turn.… Today, I sprayed pepper spray on a guy who appeared to be following me. He was really cute, and was… Today, I’m in Thailand and I met a monk. The conversation was so deep and interesting that, without…