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I agree, their lives suck
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Today, I went to my cousin's wedding. The groom walked over when the two of us were talking, took one good look at me, slapped me on the ass, and said, "You know, if I wasn't marrying Rose here, you'd be next." Yeah, about that: I'm a 16-year old guy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28660) - you deserved it (2883)
On 01/30/2013 at 7:21am - love - by Denki (man) - China (Beijing)
Today, I went to my cousin's wedding. The groom walked over when the two of us were talking, took one good look at me, slapped me on the ass, and said, "You know, if I wasn't marrying Rose here, you'd be next." Yeah, about that: I'm a 16-year old guy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28660) - you deserved it (2883)
On 01/30/2013 at 7:21am - love - by Denki (man) - China (Beijing)
Today, I saw a lady who had fainted. I ran over to help, only to find out that she was unstable and had a knife in her hand. She was pointing it at me, and growled threateningly every time I tried to move away. It took the cops an hour to defuse the situation. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27824) - you deserved it (1582)
On 01/29/2013 at 4:48am - misc - by thegirlofthedad (woman) - India (Maharashtra)
Today, my sister's boyfriend called while she was out. The second I answered he tried to have phone sex with me. When I explained to him that I wasn't my sister and that we just sound the same on the phone, he replied, "Don't care, let's keep going." FML
I agree, your life sucks (33956) - you deserved it (2325)
On 01/29/2013 at 4:40am - intimacy - by Awkward... (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I almost died. How? I nearly suffocated after passing out while chewing an entire pack of gum. I should really drink less. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6068) - you deserved it (29169)
On 01/28/2013 at 11:23pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39613) - you deserved it (11316)
On 01/28/2013 at 12:03am - intimacy - by yourmainman (man) - Canada
Today, on my shift as a nurse, I asked a pregnant woman what she would name her child. She said she saw the name "Chlamydia" on a billboard and decided to name her daughter that, saying it was "beautiful." I informed her that it was an STD, and she replied, "Oh, well no one knows that!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (29786) - you deserved it (1426)
On 01/27/2013 at 11:36pm - kids - by andy (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I got a text from an unknown number saying, "You shouldn't be eating that." I was eating a piece of chocolate, cheating on my diet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25536) - you deserved it (15158)
On 01/27/2013 at 12:38am - misc - by LucidNightmare - United States (Colorado)
Today, I went shopping first thing in the morning to avoid the crowd. Having recently had surgery on my knee, I used an electric scooter to shop. The scooter died in the middle of the store. No one was around to help me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24036) - you deserved it (3045)
On 01/27/2013 at 12:23am - health - by crippled shopper - United States (Illinois)
Today, I heard an owl near my house. I got excited, as they are not common in the area, and I listened intently to try and locate the source of the sound. After a few minutes, I realized I was not listening to an owl, but to my mother's sex noises. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36360) - you deserved it (3149)
On 01/26/2013 at 6:50pm - intimacy - by movingout - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I was debating which hurts more: child-birth or a kick to the testicles. Some guy spouted the old urban legend that a nut-kick is 9000 "dels", and giving birth is 57, so I proved that no such measurement of pain exists. His comeback was to sucker-punch me to the floor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18747) - you deserved it (5790)
On 01/26/2013 at 4:51pm - misc - by go snope yourself (man) - United Kingdom
Today, during lunch, my coworker offered me her food, claiming she was full. I was still quite hungry, so I accepted it. Halfway through eating the sandwiches, my boss walked in and started interrogating people over who took his lunch. I quickly realized I was the one eating it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25802) - you deserved it (2450)
On 01/26/2013 at 3:44pm - work - by FUCK THE PIGS (man) - United States (California)
Today, I went on another date with a guy I've had a crush on for a long time. Afterwards, we went back to my place for the first time and things got heated. While taking my pants off, he recoiled and asked if I thought it was still No Shave November. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19340) - you deserved it (29875)
On 01/26/2013 at 12:20pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)
Today, I told my boyfriend about my upcoming mouth surgery. He freaked out. Not because he's worried about me, but because I told him I will not be able to give him head for two weeks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29816) - you deserved it (4755)
On 01/26/2013 at 2:18am - intimacy - by Lauren324 - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my mom barged into my room at three in the morning, demanding to know where I'd been. I'd been in my room sleeping since ten o'clock. In that time she had called the police, all of my friends, and my ex-boyfriend, asking if I was with them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27688) - you deserved it (1408)
On 01/26/2013 at 12:14am - misc - by Sarah - United States
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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