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newburton13

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newburton13

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  • Number of visits : 8023
  • Number of comments : 747
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 55 posted

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Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

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newburton13's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to boxing and this hot chick asked me if I was wearing a sports cup. I replied yes, when I wasn't. I thought she was going to check with her hand and feel. She checked with her knee. FML

#11442644
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8171) - you deserved it (63177)

On 06/25/2010 at 1:09am - health - by Gbeat411 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, we had guests coming over. My dad wanted me to make some bacon, but I refused because I'm a vegetarian, and don't like to touch meat. His response? 'Good joke honey, now make the bacon.' FML

#11238681
320 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30702) - you deserved it (16706)

On 06/16/2010 at 10:42am - health - by Joy (woman) - Denmark (Staden Kobenhavn)

Today, my boss fired me because he said I was spending too much time surfing the internet. When I reminded him that my work computer isn't even networked, he said, "Oh, sorry, you're the one who takes too many smoke breaks." When I told him that I don't even smoke, he said, "Just go..." FML

Today, my dad found and read my diary. Most of the entries were about how my father didn't respect my privacy. Then he phoned my aunt and read her passages from it. FML

#10994237
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35608) - you deserved it (3440)

On 06/05/2010 at 7:49pm - misc - by ugh (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I got a huge bill through the post. It turns out that my elderly mother made the vet come out to my house to see the dog while I was out, because she was scared of the little growths she had found on his body. They were nipples. FML

#10925593
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29695) - you deserved it (2277)

On 06/02/2010 at 7:15pm - money - by dogshavenipples (man) - United Kingdom (Hampshire)

Today, I went to the supermarket; it was taking me ages to walk home because of the heavy food bags. Halfway home, I realised I had gone in my car. I had to walk all the way back to get my car. FML

#10906033
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10137) - you deserved it (52762)

On 06/01/2010 at 11:59am - misc - by Lou (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, my very handsome, fit, Russian boyfriend tried to make me feel better about being a little overweight by telling me, "It's okay, you're American, everyone expects you to be fat." FML

#10696817
247 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32762) - you deserved it (14453)

On 05/22/2010 at 7:24pm - love - by ChubbyAmerican (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I learned two important facts: #1 A grown man can, in fact, get beaten up by a teenage girl, and #2 If someone is convinced you are someone else, there is no telling them otherwise. FML

#10661974
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26906) - you deserved it (3761)

On 05/21/2010 at 1:04am - health - by mrmidi - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was at a concert. During the concert, my shoelaces went undone, so I bent down to tie them. Not two seconds later, the girl behind me jumped on my shoulders and refused to get down. She said "tall guys" are the best to ride on during concerts. My name is Maria. FML

#10612063
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31363) - you deserved it (3568)

On 05/18/2010 at 2:57pm - health - by tallwoman (woman) - Denmark (Arhus)

Today, I was with my girlfriend, thinking we were alone in the house. Her little brother found us having sex on the couch, took a pic and said, "You are now both my slaves." He ran upstairs and locked his bedroom door. FML

#9797503
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17189) - you deserved it (40914)

On 04/11/2010 at 4:11am - intimacy - by junior - United States (Arizona)

Today, my shrink diagnosed me as severely depressive, due to a lot of stress and yells at home. After the session, my parents argued about whose fault it was and then went on to yell at me for being depressive and wasting their money. FML

#9647002
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39781) - you deserved it (3397)

On 04/05/2010 at 6:14am - misc - by blah. - Thailand (Krung Thep)

Today, fifteen minutes after dinner was served, my blind date says "It's good that you're smart. Not to be rude, but most girls aren't. I mean, at some point, I'm going to pull my dick out of your mouth and then it's good if you have something interesting to say." Check please. FML

#9643258
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40744) - you deserved it (7560)

On 04/05/2010 at 1:14am - intimacy - by Hate2Date (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I got dumped because I was on my period. Apparently he was pissed because I have one "like, every single month." FML



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