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newburton13

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newburton13

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  • Number of visits : 8039
  • Number of comments : 747
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 55 posted

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newburton13's page activity

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newburton13's FML badges

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

Keen reader – Level: godlike ninja

You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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newburton13's favorite FMLs

Today, after telling me his other girlfriend is pregnant, my boyfriend said we should stay together so I could help out with the baby. FML

#13061807
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48052) - you deserved it (4245)

On 09/15/2010 at 2:02pm - love - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, my roommate let me know he "bumped" another car with mine. What he really meant was that I need a new rear quarter panel and the very angry BMW driver he hit has all of my information. FML

#13061135
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21600) - you deserved it (3366)

On 09/15/2010 at 12:52pm - misc - by Ah piss - United States (New York)

Today, I told my 3 year old daughter to behave or I'd spank her. She looked right at me and said "Bring it." FML

#13026235
418 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30999) - you deserved it (28051)

On 09/12/2010 at 9:38pm - kids - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was recovering from an operation. After I felt better, I checked my phone. There were 35 missed calls and angry text messages from my boyfriend asking why I wasn't at his house to cook his dinner. FML

#13017845
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36007) - you deserved it (5829)

On 09/12/2010 at 10:02am - love - by mrsfantastic - United Kingdom

Today, I found out why I had been waking up feeling like crap for the past week. I found tufts of cat fur in my pillow case, and I am allergic to cats. My little brother thought I would get so sick, and he could have my XBox. FML

#12999181
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27530) - you deserved it (2162)

On 09/11/2010 at 1:31am - health - by fuzzy1895 (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I woke up very excited because I was going on my first date with this guy I really liked. I dressed very nicely and went to where we were supposed to meet. I waited for about 2 hours. I called him to ask him where he was. He got angry because he was still sleeping and I woke him up. FML

#12998632
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30627) - you deserved it (3269)

On 09/11/2010 at 12:47am - love - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, it was my birthday. But instead of a decent surprise, my friends decided to smash a cake on my face and unhook my dress, while taking a video of it. In a public shopping mall. FML

#12959590
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29278) - you deserved it (2883)

On 09/08/2010 at 3:35am - misc - by Nothingonyou - Sent from mobile version

Today, I found out that I'm a dad. My ex from 8 years ago contacted me through facebook. I'm happy I have a kid, but apparently she only contacted me because she wants me to start paying child support, now her boyfriend who provided for them left. FML

#12938106
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27902) - you deserved it (5408)

On 09/06/2010 at 7:21pm - kids - by newdad (man) - United States (California)

Today, after a few months of my neighbors friend parking outside his house and honking until he came outside, I happened to be out doing lawn work. I politely screamed "STOP HONKING YOUR F***ING HORN!" To which they responded by moving in front of MY house and holding down their horn. I hate people. FML

#12930514
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32379) - you deserved it (15165)

On 09/06/2010 at 6:45am - misc - by Myself - United States

Today, after nearly 2 years of continuous fighting in Afghanistan, my unit came home. We were booed at the airport. FML

#12810587
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (119768) - you deserved it (11810)

On 08/29/2010 at 8:39pm - misc - by soldierboy - United States

Today, I was riding the public bus and a really fat, smelly guy sat next to me. He put his arm around my shoulder and asked me if I was single. My stop wasn't for three more miles. FML

#12760106
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33061) - you deserved it (3225)

On 08/26/2010 at 7:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my parents threw out the beautiful birthday cake my aunt made me, and served celery sticks at my party because "I need to watch my weight." FML

#12716551
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33836) - you deserved it (5688)

On 08/24/2010 at 4:34am - misc - by jace17 - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was in a public restroom with my 4 year old daughter. I took her in the stall with me, and as I was using the restroom she looked down and loudly asked, "Mommy! Why do you have a beard on your peepee?!!" Then I heard everybody in the stalls next to us laughing. FML

#12677495
262 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41622) - you deserved it (12546)

On 08/22/2010 at 2:58am - kids - by Bailey - United States (Nebraska)

Today, my boyfriend started to kiss my boobs. I am pregnant and started my lactation period. Now every time he looks at me he calls me milky way. FML

#12674562
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29395) - you deserved it (5219)

On 08/22/2010 at 12:26am - intimacy - by ananomus - United States (Ohio)

Today, one of my mum's dinner guests walked in on me and my boyfriend kissing, only to let out a horrified scream. Apparently my mum had introduced my boyfriend as her son, as she is embarrassed of my real brother. FML

#12524990
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36540) - you deserved it (2548)

On 08/14/2010 at 7:23pm - love - by incestastic - Canada (Ontario)



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