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newburton13

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newburton13

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  • Number of visits : 8265
  • Number of comments : 748
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 55 posted

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newburton13's FML badges

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

Keen reader – Level: godlike ninja

You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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newburton13's favorite FMLs

Today, I came home to find my drunken father sitting on our front lawn. He had a blanket, lit candle, and was singing with his eyes closed. He told me he believed he was Buddha from watching the history channel. Meanwhile, cars were driving by our house beeping, and yelling "praise the lord!" FML

#13120508
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23093) - you deserved it (2452)

On 09/19/2010 at 10:13pm - misc - by embaressed (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I broke my toe. After telling my friend about it, he promptly stomped on it to "see what my reaction would be." FML

#13083989
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28512) - you deserved it (3003)

On 09/17/2010 at 7:36am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Kansas)

Today, after telling me his other girlfriend is pregnant, my boyfriend said we should stay together so I could help out with the baby. FML

#13061807
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48206) - you deserved it (4269)

On 09/15/2010 at 2:02pm - love - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, my roommate let me know he "bumped" another car with mine. What he really meant was that I need a new rear quarter panel and the very angry BMW driver he hit has all of my information. FML

#13061135
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21626) - you deserved it (3367)

On 09/15/2010 at 12:52pm - misc - by Ah piss - United States (New York)

Today, I told my 3 year old daughter to behave or I'd spank her. She looked right at me and said "Bring it." FML

#13026235
416 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31026) - you deserved it (28059)

On 09/12/2010 at 9:38pm - kids - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was recovering from an operation. After I felt better, I checked my phone. There were 35 missed calls and angry text messages from my boyfriend asking why I wasn't at his house to cook his dinner. FML

#13017845
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36042) - you deserved it (5830)

On 09/12/2010 at 10:02am - love - by mrsfantastic - United Kingdom

Today, I found out why I had been waking up feeling like crap for the past week. I found tufts of cat fur in my pillow case, and I am allergic to cats. My little brother thought I would get so sick, and he could have my XBox. FML

#12999181
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27562) - you deserved it (2164)

On 09/11/2010 at 1:31am - health - by fuzzy1895 (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I woke up very excited because I was going on my first date with this guy I really liked. I dressed very nicely and went to where we were supposed to meet. I waited for about 2 hours. I called him to ask him where he was. He got angry because he was still sleeping and I woke him up. FML

#12998632
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30657) - you deserved it (3272)

On 09/11/2010 at 12:47am - love - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, it was my birthday. But instead of a decent surprise, my friends decided to smash a cake on my face and unhook my dress, while taking a video of it. In a public shopping mall. FML

#12959590
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29301) - you deserved it (2885)

On 09/08/2010 at 3:35am - misc - by Nothingonyou - Sent from mobile version

Today, I found out that I'm a dad. My ex from 8 years ago contacted me through facebook. I'm happy I have a kid, but apparently she only contacted me because she wants me to start paying child support, now her boyfriend who provided for them left. FML

#12938106
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27997) - you deserved it (5414)

On 09/06/2010 at 7:21pm - kids - by newdad (man) - United States (California)

Today, after a few months of my neighbors friend parking outside his house and honking until he came outside, I happened to be out doing lawn work. I politely screamed "STOP HONKING YOUR F***ING HORN!" To which they responded by moving in front of MY house and holding down their horn. I hate people. FML

#12930514
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32519) - you deserved it (15209)

On 09/06/2010 at 6:45am - misc - by Myself - United States

Today, after nearly 2 years of continuous fighting in Afghanistan, my unit came home. We were booed at the airport. FML

#12810587
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (120848) - you deserved it (11920)

On 08/29/2010 at 8:39pm - misc - by soldierboy - United States

Today, I was riding the public bus and a really fat, smelly guy sat next to me. He put his arm around my shoulder and asked me if I was single. My stop wasn't for three more miles. FML

#12760106
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33087) - you deserved it (3232)

On 08/26/2010 at 7:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my parents threw out the beautiful birthday cake my aunt made me, and served celery sticks at my party because "I need to watch my weight." FML

#12716551
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33879) - you deserved it (5689)

On 08/24/2010 at 4:34am - misc - by jace17 - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was in a public restroom with my 4 year old daughter. I took her in the stall with me, and as I was using the restroom she looked down and loudly asked, "Mommy! Why do you have a beard on your peepee?!!" Then I heard everybody in the stalls next to us laughing. FML

#12677495
262 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41654) - you deserved it (12552)

On 08/22/2010 at 2:58am - kids - by Bailey - United States (Nebraska)



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