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newburton13

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newburton13
  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 6729
  • Number of comments : 744
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 55 posted

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Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

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You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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newburton13's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out why I had been waking up feeling like crap for the past week. I found tufts of cat fur in my pillow case, and I am allergic to cats. My little brother thought I would get so sick, and he could have my XBox. FML

#12999181
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24821) - you deserved it (1960)

On 09/11/2010 at 1:31am - health - by fuzzy1895 (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I woke up very excited because I was going on my first date with this guy I really liked. I dressed very nicely and went to where we were supposed to meet. I waited for about 2 hours. I called him to ask him where he was. He got angry because he was still sleeping and I woke him up. FML

#12998632
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29062) - you deserved it (3137)

On 09/11/2010 at 12:47am - love - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, it was my birthday. But instead of a decent surprise, my friends decided to smash a cake on my face and unhook my dress, while taking a video of it. In a public shopping mall. FML

#12959590
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27356) - you deserved it (2732)

On 09/08/2010 at 3:35am - misc - by Nothingonyou - Sent from mobile version

Today, I found out that I'm a dad. My ex from 8 years ago contacted me through facebook. I'm happy I have a kid, but apparently she only contacted me because she wants me to start paying child support, now her boyfriend who provided for them left. FML

#12938106
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25244) - you deserved it (5084)

On 09/06/2010 at 7:21pm - kids - by newdad (man) - United States (California)

Today, after a few months of my neighbors friend parking outside his house and honking until he came outside, I happened to be out doing lawn work. I politely screamed "STOP HONKING YOUR F***ING HORN!" To which they responded by moving in front of MY house and holding down their horn. I hate people. FML

#12930514
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30650) - you deserved it (14579)

On 09/06/2010 at 6:45am - misc - by Myself - United States

Today, after nearly 2 years of continuous fighting in Afghanistan, my unit came home. We were booed at the airport. FML

#12810587
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (112673) - you deserved it (11184)

On 08/29/2010 at 8:39pm - misc - by soldierboy - United States

Today, I was riding the public bus and a really fat, smelly guy sat next to me. He put his arm around my shoulder and asked me if I was single. My stop wasn't for three more miles. FML

#12760106
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31143) - you deserved it (3049)

On 08/26/2010 at 7:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my parents threw out the beautiful birthday cake my aunt made me, and served celery sticks at my party because "I need to watch my weight." FML

#12716551
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32230) - you deserved it (5510)

On 08/24/2010 at 4:34am - misc - by jace17 - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was in a public restroom with my 4 year old daughter. I took her in the stall with me, and as I was using the restroom she looked down and loudly asked, "Mommy! Why do you have a beard on your peepee?!!" Then I heard everybody in the stalls next to us laughing. FML

#12677495
261 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39216) - you deserved it (11945)

On 08/22/2010 at 2:58am - kids - by Bailey - United States (Nebraska)

Today, my boyfriend started to kiss my boobs. I am pregnant and started my lactation period. Now every time he looks at me he calls me milky way. FML

#12674562
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24588) - you deserved it (4055)

On 08/22/2010 at 12:26am - intimacy - by ananomus - United States (Ohio)

Today, one of my mum's dinner guests walked in on me and my boyfriend kissing, only to let out a horrified scream. Apparently my mum had introduced my boyfriend as her son, as she is embarrassed of my real brother. FML

#12524990
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33164) - you deserved it (2314)

On 08/14/2010 at 7:23pm - love - by incestastic - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was supposed to be going on my first date with a guy I really liked. He never showed up. I just found out my dad was outside washing the car when my date showed up. He told him he didn't have a daughter and to never show up on his driveway again. FML

#12376475
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37902) - you deserved it (2645)

On 08/07/2010 at 7:41pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Utah)

Today, my 24 year old girlfriend plugged her ears and stomped her feet while making really loud noises in our local video store. She then refused to stop until I agreed to rent and watch The Notebook with her. FML

#12352177
270 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35560) - you deserved it (13513)

On 08/06/2010 at 12:34pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I got home from work to find the door locked and dead bolted, so I used my cell to call the home phone while banging on the door. My stepmom came out of her room, looked right at me, laughed, and went back to bed. This is the fifth time she's done this. FML

#12332951
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30891) - you deserved it (2447)

On 08/05/2010 at 2:38pm - misc - by Tired (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I went to an elementary school for volunteer work. I was asked to read to a group of kids during one of the classes. Before I started reading, a girl raised her hand and asked me if I had a boyfriend and if I was single. I asked her why and she said "My daddy wanted to know." I'm 16. FML

#12307637
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30798) - you deserved it (3369)

On 08/04/2010 at 10:40am - misc - by LaRae17 (woman) - United States (Maryland)



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