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newburton13

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newburton13

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  • Number of visits : 8510
  • Number of comments : 748
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 55 posted

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newburton13's page activity

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Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

Keen reader – Level: godlike ninja

You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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newburton13's favorite FMLs

Today, a girl who has had a problem with me for as long as I can remember, tagged me in a Facebook status update in which she equated my intelligence to that of a mollusk and equated my weight to that of a hippopotamus. My boyfriend, as well as several of my "friends," liked it. FML

#13789800
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27431) - you deserved it (3981)

On 11/10/2010 at 12:33pm - misc - by smarter than a mollusk, skinner than a hippo - United States

Today, I was sitting at a traffic light when a cute girl appeared at the side of the road. I sat and watched her until she had crossed, when I realised that I had missed the light. A large queue of cars had built up behind me, yet none of them used their horn because I was driving my police car. FML

#13788956
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7513) - you deserved it (47114)

On 11/10/2010 at 10:29am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (York)

Today, I was at the doctors office after throwing up for the past week. My diagnosis? Apparently I'm the first pregnant man. After several minutes of freaking out and explaining on how it was possible, he told me he was joking and that I'm fine, but my reaction was best thus far. FML

#13787466
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47234) - you deserved it (17357)

On 11/10/2010 at 5:28am - health - by youreajoker (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was excited to hear that I received three of my grad school recommendations in the mail from a very busy professor. They need to be submitted sealed, and of course, my nosy mom decided to open them. FML

#13785439
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32344) - you deserved it (2291)

On 11/10/2010 at 12:30am - misc - by dcsunshine (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had a small gathering of family and friends over to celebrate my son's baptism. One of my friends happens to be a police officer. The entire event consisted of him arresting three of my family members. Don't worry, he came back to get some cake. FML

#13756380
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23826) - you deserved it (3788)

On 11/07/2010 at 8:09pm - misc - by jadehin (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I had a job interview. When I got there, the lady interviewing me shook my hand and said, 'Hello, I'm gay.' I found this strange and I didn't know what to say, so I stated, 'Aw, it's OK, I support you.' She looked pretty offended, and I realized why when I found out that her name was Gaye. FML

#13711659
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34672) - you deserved it (16308)

On 11/04/2010 at 5:18am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went to Ikea with my family. I was wearing a yellow polo that vaguely looked like the ones the Ikea employees were wearing. Two dozen people came up to me, complaining that I was staring at furniture instead of helping customers. FML

#13698709
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23486) - you deserved it (11232)

On 11/03/2010 at 6:43am - misc - by MissIsabel - Sent from mobile version

Today, our class was focusing on discrimination, and our teacher asked us if anyone had ever felt discriminated against. I put my hand up to share a story, and my teacher immediately said "It's because you're ginger, isn't it?" That's not what I was going to say. FML

#13688243
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39020) - you deserved it (6987)

On 11/02/2010 at 1:43pm - misc - by gingerninja (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was waiting for a friend to pick me up. It was after dark and I was nervous, so when he pulled up I immediately jumped in the car. The young girl in the driver's seat started freaking out, screaming and punching me in the face repeatedly. I'd accidentally gotten in the wrong car. FML

#13687636
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10502) - you deserved it (24396)

On 11/02/2010 at 12:26pm - misc - by blackandblue (man) - United States

Today, I wore my high school letterman jacket while I was out shopping. A man saw me and muttered to his wife about how sad it is some adults can't grow up and continue to wear their high school paraphernalia, constantly trying to relive their senior year. I am a senior. FML

#13662934
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25744) - you deserved it (2537)

On 10/31/2010 at 12:10pm - misc - by yeahno (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to see Paranormal Activity 2 with my boyfriend. In hopes of him putting his arm around me or holding my hand, I told him that I was very scared and pretended to cry a little. He told me to be quiet because I was ruining the movie for him. Then he moved seats. FML

#13645625
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21477) - you deserved it (37310)

On 10/30/2010 at 1:41am - love - by Samantha - United States (Washington)

Today, while on the bus, I began to fall asleep. Suddenly, a man next to me started laughing very loudly, scaring me and jolting me out from my nap. I was so scared, I reflexively punched the girl in front of me in the face. I was pinned down by three other men while the cops were called. FML

#13645028
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23066) - you deserved it (9037)

On 10/30/2010 at 12:52am - misc - by snoozlagist (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was on the phone with my girlfriend. Just as she said "I love you", the credit on my phone runs out. She now thinks that I've purposely hung up on her. She refuses to speak to me until I tell her the real reason I hung up. FML

#13634091
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26325) - you deserved it (3334)

On 10/29/2010 at 12:48am - love - by lovegotmehung (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend was seated in my section at work. As he sees me his face drops... he's on a date. He had forgotten I work there. I had to serve him and his date, and they didn't leave a tip. FML

#13621862
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43693) - you deserved it (3039)

On 10/28/2010 at 12:27am - love - by heshay - United States (Texas)

Today, I took a shower and right after I fell asleep on my bed wrapped in my towel. I awoke to find my dad slapping me in the face. He thought I had fainted because I'm a diabetic. FML

#13610970
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23066) - you deserved it (4887)

On 10/27/2010 at 2:07am - health - by haleyfml - United States (California)



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