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newburton13

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newburton13

2Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 14391
  • Number of comments : 756
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 55 posted

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newburton13's favorite FMLs

Today, my 70 year old grandma was yelling at me to take a pregnancy test, in the middle of Walmart. I'm 16, still a virgin and haven't had a boyfriend since I was 13. FML

#14693370
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32806) - you deserved it (3083)

On 01/24/2011 at 12:11am - intimacy - by andifalls -

Today, my 70 year old grandma was yelling at me to take a pregnancy test, in the middle of Walmart. I'm 16, still a virgin and haven't had a boyfriend since I was 13. FML

#14693370
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32806) - you deserved it (3083)

On 01/24/2011 at 12:11am - intimacy - by andifalls -

Today, my boyfriend tickled me. In between laughs, I warned him that I was going to pee myself. He didn't believe me. After I actually did, he suggested we use a "safety word" from now on so that he will know when I'm being serious. FML

#14691399
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25645) - you deserved it (4252)

On 01/23/2011 at 9:47pm - misc - by embarrassed2 (woman) - United States

Today, it was my daughter's birthday. She had been wanting a cat for a long time, so I went to the animal shelter and got an orange one. As soon as she saw it, she ran upstairs screaming, "GINGER! GINGER!" She refuses to come downstairs until I get rid of "the soulless creature." FML

#14644616
372 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35573) - you deserved it (7822)

On 01/19/2011 at 10:44pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I rode home alone on a train. I accidentally missed my stop, but wasn't worried about it. My mom did not share my optimism and actually called the train company, saying that I was "lost" and "special". They thought she meant I was retarded. They wouldn't believe me when I said I wasn't. FML

#14627865
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26223) - you deserved it (2866)

On 01/18/2011 at 4:23pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my girlfriend gave herself a black eye by running into a door. To avoid being teased about her clumsiness, she's telling everyone that I beat her. FML

#14616204
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43294) - you deserved it (3387) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/17/2011 at 5:50pm - misc - by SkinsCastSelection - France - Chosen by the cast of Skins

Today, I was on a plane. When my flight attendant brought me my drink, it had a lid and a straw. He told me, very seriously, "not to spill." No one else got a lid. I'm 18, and apparently I look spill-prone. FML

#14604912
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24913) - you deserved it (3216)

On 01/16/2011 at 8:37pm - misc - by thisisme (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I decided to play a friendly game of Clue with my family. This resulted in one kid crying, one dad with a broken nose, two broken plates and a trip to Walmart to get a new Clue game. FML

#14593657
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26586) - you deserved it (3858)

On 01/15/2011 at 8:50pm - misc - by fail (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my baby-crazy mother expressed her concerns that I haven't conceived after a whole two months of marriage. Her advice amounted to "get divorced while you're still hot, sleep around until you get pregnant, then marry the winner." When I complained to my father, he supported her. FML

#14545580
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34641) - you deserved it (2846)

On 01/11/2011 at 1:46pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my mum is convinced I'm a hoarder. While I was out of the house, she went through my room and threw out stuff I "don't need." This included $500 worth of textbooks, a flash drive with crucial work on it, and my phone charger. FML

#14518495
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37079) - you deserved it (2824)

On 01/09/2011 at 6:38am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I found out that my wife was having sex with my friend. It turned out that my genius cat realized it wasn't me there and attacked his balls, severely cutting them. I now have to kill my cat and pay for his medical bills to sew his balls back. FML

#14512160
469 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71748) - you deserved it (3839)

On 01/08/2011 at 8:11pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that the girl who my high school boyfriend cheated on me with is now the woman my husband is having an affair with. FML

#14503708
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65231) - you deserved it (3830)

On 01/08/2011 at 12:22am - misc - by sad (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I told my boyfriend about my foot phobia. To help me "get over it", he took his socks off, pinned me down, and rubbed his foot against my face until I started sobbing. FML

#14497431
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35248) - you deserved it (6848)

On 01/07/2011 at 2:10pm - misc - by BiteMe14 - United States

Today, I had a plaster cast removed from my arm. After telling the nurse it felt like the saw was cutting my skin, she tells me there is no way that it could touch my skin and that I was being paranoid. She cracked open the cast. Burns, blisters and bleeding skin were revealed. FML

#14484091
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44409) - you deserved it (2601)

On 01/06/2011 at 9:54am - health - by omfgitburns (man) -

Today, I was in the elevator with my female coworker and a very attractive teen in front of us. My coworker reached out and grabbed the boobs of the teen in front of us, and blamed it on me. I got yelled at, kneed in the crotch, and punched in the face. My coworker couldn't stop laughing. FML

#14416914
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33671) - you deserved it (3414)

On 01/01/2011 at 12:06am - work - by Chris - United States (Illinois)



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