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newburton13

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newburton13

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  • Number of visits : 8883
  • Number of comments : 748
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 55 posted

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newburton13's FML badges

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

Keen reader – Level: godlike ninja

You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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newburton13's favorite FMLs

Today, my mother took a bunch of sleeping pills, then went driving. I followed her and dialed 911. Now she thinks that I was "trying to get her arrested," and she refuses to talk to me ever again. FML

#14300569
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27645) - you deserved it (4319)

On 12/22/2010 at 5:23pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I accidentally walked in on my roommate while she was changing clothes. She insisted on telling her boyfriend what had happened, because, "It wouldn't feel right" if she didn't. Her boyfriend is a MMA fighter/bodybuilder and has major jealousy issues. I'm screwed. FML

#14297992
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39348) - you deserved it (3749)

On 12/22/2010 at 12:56pm - misc - by screwed (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, one of my usually unpleasant managers offered me a slice of cheese cake for doing a good job. I declined, but after some pestering on his part I finally accepted it. I have been violently ill for the past 2 hours. FML

#14279972
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27215) - you deserved it (3365)

On 12/21/2010 at 12:43am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, a woman came to my counter and ordered 12 donuts. I said, "OK sure, a dozen donuts." She paused, looked at me with disgust and yelled, "I said 12, NOT a dozen." FML

#14277072
297 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44803) - you deserved it (3620)

On 12/20/2010 at 8:52pm - work - by morenita27 (woman) - Canada

Today, a woman came to my counter and ordered 12 donuts. I said, "OK sure, a dozen donuts." She paused, looked at me with disgust and yelled, "I said 12, NOT a dozen." FML

#14277072
297 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44803) - you deserved it (3620)

On 12/20/2010 at 8:52pm - work - by morenita27 (woman) - Canada

Today, I found out that my girlfriend's parents offered her a trip to Europe if she dumped me. She accepted, and broke up with me. Her parents were lying. FML

#14271579
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38126) - you deserved it (3364)

On 12/20/2010 at 11:15am - love - by pinkfloyd777 -

Today, while registering at the grocery store, a customer came into my lane with a 100 piece boiled shrimp platter. Feeling hungry, I muttered "nom nom" under my breath. The old man called my supervisor. Apparently I called him a moron. FML

#14266887
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13314) - you deserved it (25872)

On 12/20/2010 at 12:02am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, it's my sixteenth birthday. The only gift I got was a bill from my parents. Apparently, the rent is due on the 1st. FML

#14251637
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29382) - you deserved it (2820)

On 12/18/2010 at 8:02pm - misc - by Dopeboyfresh71 - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boyfriend and I were playing around. He threw me over his shoulder and turned around, smacking my face against the wall. Then he smacked my head into the fridge after turning round to see "what that loud bang" was. FML

#14244389
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33359) - you deserved it (3916)

On 12/18/2010 at 4:11am - love - by anonymous - United States (South Carolina)

Today, as I spent my last $6 on groceries, the woman at the register gave me a dirty look because I declined to donate $1 to a children's charity. My six year old son immediately chimed in with, "Mommy, why aren't you helping the poor children?" FML

#14220107
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36812) - you deserved it (4996)

On 12/16/2010 at 12:49am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my parents held an intervention for me. Apparently they think I'm turning into a goth. All because they saw me re-lacing my shoes with black shoelaces instead of white ones. FML

#14204770
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28371) - you deserved it (2642)

On 12/14/2010 at 6:24pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I got a call from a restricted number. When I answered, it was a prank call. The kids on the other end had porn on high volume and put the phone next to the speaker. Way to remind me that I'm still a virgin. FML

#14199734
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27636) - you deserved it (6960)

On 12/14/2010 at 6:00am - intimacy - by virginat16 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my six year old told me I have a big nose. When I told her that she hurt my feelings, she laughed and said "Don't be silly mummy, ugly people don't have feelings." FML

#14199055
291 comments

I agree, your life sucks (112612) - you deserved it (15243)

On 12/14/2010 at 3:21am - kids - by uglywoman - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I'm in a relationship with a guy who yells at me everyday for things I didn't do, is in a dead-end job and is not attractive whatsoever, but I can't bring myself to break up with him because he would get to keep the dog. FML

#14195303
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13381) - you deserved it (47231)

On 12/13/2010 at 9:01pm - love - by blahblah (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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