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newburton13

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newburton13

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  • Number of visits : 8057
  • Number of comments : 747
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 55 posted

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newburton13's FML badges

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

Keen reader – Level: godlike ninja

You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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newburton13's favorite FMLs

Today, my parents held an intervention for me. Apparently they think I'm turning into a goth. All because they saw me re-lacing my shoes with black shoelaces instead of white ones. FML

#14204770
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28295) - you deserved it (2640)

On 12/14/2010 at 6:24pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I got a call from a restricted number. When I answered, it was a prank call. The kids on the other end had porn on high volume and put the phone next to the speaker. Way to remind me that I'm still a virgin. FML

#14199734
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27537) - you deserved it (6954)

On 12/14/2010 at 6:00am - intimacy - by virginat16 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my six year old told me I have a big nose. When I told her that she hurt my feelings, she laughed and said "Don't be silly mummy, ugly people don't have feelings." FML

#14199055
291 comments

I agree, your life sucks (112070) - you deserved it (15210)

On 12/14/2010 at 3:21am - kids - by uglywoman - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I'm in a relationship with a guy who yells at me everyday for things I didn't do, is in a dead-end job and is not attractive whatsoever, but I can't bring myself to break up with him because he would get to keep the dog. FML

#14195303
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13345) - you deserved it (47155)

On 12/13/2010 at 9:01pm - love - by blahblah (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my dad came up behind me with a pair of scissors, and pretended to snip away at my hair. I was sure he was joking, so I just sat there and didn't react. Later, I felt the back of my head and looked at my hand. Suffice it to say, I now have a large bald patch on the back of my head. FML

#14155752
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30550) - you deserved it (6059)

On 12/10/2010 at 4:59pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - New Zealand (Hawke's Bay)

Today, while playing soccer, I was kicked so hard in the shin that my tibia snapped. The snap was so loud that even the audience heard. As we waited for an ambulance, my mom started yelling for me to get off the field so the game could continue. FML

Today, while playing soccer, I was kicked so hard in the shin that my tibia snapped. The snap was so loud that even the audience heard. As we waited for an ambulance, my mom started yelling for me to get off the field so the game could continue. FML

Today, I went to my local pharmacy. Walking in, the security guard rudely asked me what I was going to buy. I brushed him off and walked in. I was paying and told the cashier what happened. She said "Sorry, we get a lot of hobos, they tend to steal." FML

#14151481
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25192) - you deserved it (4503)

On 12/10/2010 at 6:37am - misc - by iamnotuseless -

Today, my husband ran at me, groaning like a zombie. I was so startled that I screamed, punched him, and started sobbing. Now he won't talk to me because this is 'the first step on the road of domestic violence'. FML

#14142147
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26573) - you deserved it (10267)

On 12/09/2010 at 12:15pm - love - by katy (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I learned that what happens in Vegas doesn't always stay in Vegas. This includes my one night stand who turned up outside my front door with a suitcase in her hand. FML

#14140366
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17370) - you deserved it (38432)

On 12/09/2010 at 7:31am - intimacy - by NeverDrinkingAgain - Canada

Today, I realized that before I can legally drink, I will have been married, divorced, and pregnant. FML

#14095149
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13807) - you deserved it (75692)

On 12/05/2010 at 12:04pm - misc - by Username - United States

Today, while shopping, a few giggling girls came up to me and asked why I was wearing a dress in public. Highly confused, I didn't answer. When they walked away laughing, I realized they thought I was a man. I'm a woman. FML

#13987730
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31641) - you deserved it (3605)

On 11/26/2010 at 2:17pm - misc - by what (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, a car hit me. I didn't get hurt, but someone called 911. The old woman who had hit me got out of the car with no problem to look at me, and gets back into the car. When the police arrive, she pulls out crutches and said I made strange faces and made her hit me. I got blamed. FML

#13972453
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32024) - you deserved it (2159)

On 11/25/2010 at 8:28am - misc - by Tom -

Today, while at work, I got fired because I was 'hitting' on my boss's wife who also works in the same company. Since when does 'asking for paper clips' mean 'hitting on'? FML

#13971755
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27254) - you deserved it (2405)

On 11/25/2010 at 5:25am - work - by Peter -



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