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newburton13

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newburton13

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  • Number of visits : 8770
  • Number of comments : 748
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 55 posted

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Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

Keen reader – Level: godlike ninja

You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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newburton13's favorite FMLs

Today, a woman came to my counter and ordered 12 donuts. I said, "OK sure, a dozen donuts." She paused, looked at me with disgust and yelled, "I said 12, NOT a dozen." FML

#14277072
296 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44787) - you deserved it (3619)

On 12/20/2010 at 8:52pm - work - by morenita27 (woman) - Canada

Today, I found out that my girlfriend's parents offered her a trip to Europe if she dumped me. She accepted, and broke up with me. Her parents were lying. FML

#14271579
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38117) - you deserved it (3364)

On 12/20/2010 at 11:15am - love - by pinkfloyd777 -

Today, while registering at the grocery store, a customer came into my lane with a 100 piece boiled shrimp platter. Feeling hungry, I muttered "nom nom" under my breath. The old man called my supervisor. Apparently I called him a moron. FML

#14266887
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13060) - you deserved it (25494)

On 12/20/2010 at 12:02am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, it's my sixteenth birthday. The only gift I got was a bill from my parents. Apparently, the rent is due on the 1st. FML

#14251637
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29368) - you deserved it (2818)

On 12/18/2010 at 8:02pm - misc - by Dopeboyfresh71 - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boyfriend and I were playing around. He threw me over his shoulder and turned around, smacking my face against the wall. Then he smacked my head into the fridge after turning round to see "what that loud bang" was. FML

#14244389
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33345) - you deserved it (3916)

On 12/18/2010 at 4:11am - love - by anonymous - United States (South Carolina)

Today, as I spent my last $6 on groceries, the woman at the register gave me a dirty look because I declined to donate $1 to a children's charity. My six year old son immediately chimed in with, "Mommy, why aren't you helping the poor children?" FML

#14220107
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36798) - you deserved it (4994)

On 12/16/2010 at 12:49am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my parents held an intervention for me. Apparently they think I'm turning into a goth. All because they saw me re-lacing my shoes with black shoelaces instead of white ones. FML

#14204770
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28354) - you deserved it (2642)

On 12/14/2010 at 6:24pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I got a call from a restricted number. When I answered, it was a prank call. The kids on the other end had porn on high volume and put the phone next to the speaker. Way to remind me that I'm still a virgin. FML

#14199734
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27617) - you deserved it (6960)

On 12/14/2010 at 6:00am - intimacy - by virginat16 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my six year old told me I have a big nose. When I told her that she hurt my feelings, she laughed and said "Don't be silly mummy, ugly people don't have feelings." FML

#14199055
291 comments

I agree, your life sucks (112526) - you deserved it (15239)

On 12/14/2010 at 3:21am - kids - by uglywoman - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I'm in a relationship with a guy who yells at me everyday for things I didn't do, is in a dead-end job and is not attractive whatsoever, but I can't bring myself to break up with him because he would get to keep the dog. FML

#14195303
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13375) - you deserved it (47222)

On 12/13/2010 at 9:01pm - love - by blahblah (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my dad came up behind me with a pair of scissors, and pretended to snip away at my hair. I was sure he was joking, so I just sat there and didn't react. Later, I felt the back of my head and looked at my hand. Suffice it to say, I now have a large bald patch on the back of my head. FML

#14155752
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30605) - you deserved it (6063)

On 12/10/2010 at 4:59pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - New Zealand (Hawke's Bay)

Today, while playing soccer, I was kicked so hard in the shin that my tibia snapped. The snap was so loud that even the audience heard. As we waited for an ambulance, my mom started yelling for me to get off the field so the game could continue. FML

Today, while playing soccer, I was kicked so hard in the shin that my tibia snapped. The snap was so loud that even the audience heard. As we waited for an ambulance, my mom started yelling for me to get off the field so the game could continue. FML

Today, I went to my local pharmacy. Walking in, the security guard rudely asked me what I was going to buy. I brushed him off and walked in. I was paying and told the cashier what happened. She said "Sorry, we get a lot of hobos, they tend to steal." FML

#14151481
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25544) - you deserved it (4546)

On 12/10/2010 at 6:37am - misc - by iamnotuseless -



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