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Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
Keen reader – Level: godlike ninja
You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Today, my husband called me, saying he was in the hospital with a friend who'd just broken his arm. Too bad I then heard a female voice in the background mutter, "She'll never buy that". FML
I agree, your life sucks (48635) - you deserved it (2559)
On 03/27/2013 at 3:55pm - love - by soontobesingle (woman) - United Kingdom (Dorset)
Today, I went to the bank to find out why they've taken $200 from me. By the time I show them my bank card, ID and tell them my problem, they accuse me of stealing my own identity, and refuse to give me my money back. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26504) - you deserved it (1215)
On 03/26/2013 at 9:37pm - money - by arsenicalhumor (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, a man attempted to sue my business for giving him food poisoning. I make soap. When I called the cops on him for disturbing the peace, I was told, "Maybe next time you'll put 'not edible' on your label." FML
I agree, your life sucks (26926) - you deserved it (2195)
On 03/26/2013 at 8:10pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I woke up next to my girlfriend. I was woken up by my mother breaking into my house to tell me I need to get ready for work. Then she got mad that I had a girl over. I'm 20. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32605) - you deserved it (3419)
On 03/26/2013 at 4:20pm - misc - by holycommander - United States
Today, my boss threatened to fire me because of a tattoo I have. It's a small teddy bear on my leg with my parents' names on it. My workplace has no problems with tattoos, but my boss said it was "unoriginal and lame." It's a memorial tattoo; my parents died last year. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42604) - you deserved it (2615)
On 03/26/2013 at 10:54am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Finland (Southern Finland)
Today, I found out that what my husband meant by "we should try swinging" is "I really want to have sex with this one friend of yours, and if you so much as make eye contact with any guy I'm going to totally flip out and threaten to kill him and you." FML
I agree, your life sucks (37825) - you deserved it (3893)
On 03/26/2013 at 8:07am - intimacy - by SwinginSolo (woman) - United States
Today, whilst texting my boyfriend on the train, I noticed the woman sitting next to me staring intently at my phone. After letting my boyfriend know, he sent a message saying, "Are we gonna involve the dog again? Last night was fun." She gasped and screamed that I'm a "twisted dog-humping bitch." FML
I agree, your life sucks (31867) - you deserved it (4581)
On 03/25/2013 at 8:28pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)
Today, I was at my job, waiting tables. A fellow server and myself were given a party of 14 Bible thumpers. They left us $9.00 and a mini Bible after awesome service, telling us we did a great job. Unfortunately, Religion doesn't pay my car payment. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27316) - you deserved it (4313)
On 03/25/2013 at 4:48am - money - by PrayingForMoney - United States (California)
Today, I was feeling sick and fainted while teaching my kindergarten class. I came to when one boy poured a cup of water on my face. Three kids were crying into my walkie talkie telling the office I was dead, and the rest of the class had disappeared. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36294) - you deserved it (2253)
On 03/23/2013 at 9:25am - kids - by kindergarten teacher - United States (California)
Today, my psycho abstinence-only sex ed teacher claimed condoms give 50% protection at most against pregnancy. I couldn't help but correct her. She apologized for her "mistake", saying, "It's just that we're not ALL sluts, Kara." Now everyone thinks I'm a raging whore. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34713) - you deserved it (5203)
On 03/22/2013 at 8:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, on Facebook, I mentioned that I'd just finished reading the novel Pet Sematary. Two hours later, I'd lost two friends and my boyfriend, after they commented "learn to spell, dumbass", "u illiterate fucker", and "well, I'm not dating you for your brains, am I?" I hate humanity. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26894) - you deserved it (5219)
On 03/22/2013 at 8:02pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)
Today, I went out to a restaurant to meet a girl that I met online. When I arrived I texted her and she said she she was wearing a blue shirt. The only person that was wearing anything blue was a fat man smiling in the corner. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31514) - you deserved it (7163)
On 03/20/2013 at 5:16pm - misc - by bobthenun - United States (California)
Today, I went out to Applebees with a girl I like and a group of friends. Someone asked if the girl and I were dating. She instantly replied with a bit of disgust "What? No way, never!" It would have been nice to know before paying for the last ten or so dates we went on. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32881) - you deserved it (3484)
On 03/20/2013 at 1:38pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, as I was walking with my boyfriend, holding hands, a woman began screaming at us about how we "f*ggots" are "ruining America." I'm a girl. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30942) - you deserved it (2754)
On 03/20/2013 at 12:54am - love - by Too manly (woman) - United States (California)
Today, at a science-fiction convention, a woman came up to me and told me that my white face paint was a mess, my contacts looked cheap, and my costume was an all-round failure. I wasn't wearing a costume, I'm an albino. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38096) - you deserved it (1903)
On 03/19/2013 at 10:16pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)
Friday 24 May 2013
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