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newburton13

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newburton13

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  • Number of visits : 8030
  • Number of comments : 747
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 55 posted

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Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

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You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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newburton13's favorite FMLs

Today, I had a plaster cast removed from my arm. After telling the nurse it felt like the saw was cutting my skin, she tells me there is no way that it could touch my skin and that I was being paranoid. She cracked open the cast. Burns, blisters and bleeding skin were revealed. FML

#14484091
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41699) - you deserved it (2419)

On 01/06/2011 at 9:54am - health - by omfgitburns (man) -

Today, I was in the elevator with my female coworker and a very attractive teen in front of us. My coworker reached out and grabbed the boobs of the teen in front of us, and blamed it on me. I got yelled at, kneed in the crotch, and punched in the face. My coworker couldn't stop laughing. FML

#14416914
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33233) - you deserved it (3389)

On 01/01/2011 at 12:06am - work - by Chris - United States (Illinois)

Today, a punk-looking college kid was making fun of my mentally handicapped son. Out of anger, I punched him in the face. I got handcuffed and thrown into a police car. The kid stood there laughing and pointing at me. FML

#14386924
249 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43268) - you deserved it (8838)

On 12/29/2010 at 9:12pm - misc - by ihateteenagers (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I spent the morning in the ER with a broken arm. My little brother was in such a rush to get his presents first, that he violently shoved me out of the way on the stairs. FML

#14335175
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25375) - you deserved it (2244)

On 12/25/2010 at 1:33pm - misc - by Connor - United States (New York)

Today, my mom gave me my Christmas gift. It was a letter containing $200 and a note saying, "Here's the down payment for your apartment, please just move out already." I turned 18 last week. Thanks mom. FML

#14331455
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24773) - you deserved it (2934)

On 12/25/2010 at 3:27am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my mother took a bunch of sleeping pills, then went driving. I followed her and dialed 911. Now she thinks that I was "trying to get her arrested," and she refuses to talk to me ever again. FML

#14300569
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27218) - you deserved it (4286)

On 12/22/2010 at 5:23pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I accidentally walked in on my roommate while she was changing clothes. She insisted on telling her boyfriend what had happened, because, "It wouldn't feel right" if she didn't. Her boyfriend is a MMA fighter/bodybuilder and has major jealousy issues. I'm screwed. FML

#14297992
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38943) - you deserved it (3724)

On 12/22/2010 at 12:56pm - misc - by screwed (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, one of my usually unpleasant managers offered me a slice of cheese cake for doing a good job. I declined, but after some pestering on his part I finally accepted it. I have been violently ill for the past 2 hours. FML

#14279972
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27019) - you deserved it (3337)

On 12/21/2010 at 12:43am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, a woman came to my counter and ordered 12 donuts. I said, "OK sure, a dozen donuts." She paused, looked at me with disgust and yelled, "I said 12, NOT a dozen." FML

#14277072
296 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44509) - you deserved it (3588)

On 12/20/2010 at 8:52pm - work - by morenita27 (woman) - Canada

Today, a woman came to my counter and ordered 12 donuts. I said, "OK sure, a dozen donuts." She paused, looked at me with disgust and yelled, "I said 12, NOT a dozen." FML

#14277072
296 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44509) - you deserved it (3588)

On 12/20/2010 at 8:52pm - work - by morenita27 (woman) - Canada

Today, I found out that my girlfriend's parents offered her a trip to Europe if she dumped me. She accepted, and broke up with me. Her parents were lying. FML

#14271579
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38050) - you deserved it (3361)

On 12/20/2010 at 11:15am - love - by pinkfloyd777 -

Today, while registering at the grocery store, a customer came into my lane with a 100 piece boiled shrimp platter. Feeling hungry, I muttered "nom nom" under my breath. The old man called my supervisor. Apparently I called him a moron. FML

#14266887
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13036) - you deserved it (25451)

On 12/20/2010 at 12:02am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, it's my sixteenth birthday. The only gift I got was a bill from my parents. Apparently, the rent is due on the 1st. FML

#14251637
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28969) - you deserved it (2781)

On 12/18/2010 at 8:02pm - misc - by Dopeboyfresh71 - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boyfriend and I were playing around. He threw me over his shoulder and turned around, smacking my face against the wall. Then he smacked my head into the fridge after turning round to see "what that loud bang" was. FML

#14244389
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33252) - you deserved it (3909)

On 12/18/2010 at 4:11am - love - by anonymous - United States (South Carolina)

Today, as I spent my last $6 on groceries, the woman at the register gave me a dirty look because I declined to donate $1 to a children's charity. My six year old son immediately chimed in with, "Mommy, why aren't you helping the poor children?" FML

#14220107
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36716) - you deserved it (4987)

On 12/16/2010 at 12:49am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)



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