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newburton13

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newburton13

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  • Number of visits : 9217
  • Number of comments : 749
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 55 posted

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Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

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You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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newburton13's favorite FMLs

Today, I was driving to work when I was almost hit by a teenage driver. I gave her the finger and shouted "F*** you!" making sure that she heard me. I then saw my boss glaring at me from the passenger seat. FML

#14855519
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14350) - you deserved it (36723)

On 02/05/2011 at 5:54pm - misc - by Zeco - United States

Today, I found out my dad ate my pet rabbit two years ago. He said he ran away. FML

#14847630
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47063) - you deserved it (3698)

On 02/05/2011 at 1:07am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, I got chickenpox. I'm 28 and having chickenpox as an adult is excruciatingly painful. When I told my boss I wasn't going to be at work today because of chickenpox he replied, "That's the worst excuse I've ever heard. Adults don't get chickenpox." He then fired me. FML

#14832801
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38328) - you deserved it (2600)

On 02/03/2011 at 10:19pm - health - by Pox (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend finally got me to orgasm, for the first time in my life, after trying for months. He started laughing when I climaxed. I asked why. Apparently I look like an Down's Syndrome child when I climax. FML

#14830027
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36647) - you deserved it (6071)

On 02/03/2011 at 7:28pm - intimacy - by Embarrassed -

Today, I was rudely stopped in the park by a woman screaming at me for being a slut for having a baby so young. She got so worked up that she started swearing. Not only was I just babysitting for a friend, I am unable to get the toddler to stop swearing. FML

#14772330
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41317) - you deserved it (2729)

On 01/30/2011 at 9:46am - kids - by QuicksilverMaximoff (woman) - United Kingdom (St. Helens)

Today, my brother and father thought it would be a good idea to wake me up by turning on a chainsaw and wearing hockey masks. FML

#14753442
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33080) - you deserved it (4162)

On 01/29/2011 at 2:29am - misc - by unlucky dudebag - United States (California)

Today, I got my wisdom teeth cut out. While my girlfriend was driving me home, I, still being high on the laughing gas, accidentally admitted to cheating on her. She was kind enough to wait until the numbness wore off before she punched me in the face. FML

#14747577
322 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8412) - you deserved it (104458)

On 01/28/2011 at 8:06pm - love - by peeoncarl1111 - United States

Today, I had a stranger scream at me that I was a whore and I was trying to steal her boyfriend. She then said my full name, stating my previous hair colour, my recent activities and that her boyfriend had been my year nine dance partner. I officially have a stalker. FML

#14728347
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36288) - you deserved it (3223)

On 01/27/2011 at 2:17am - love - by dadum (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my 4 year old cousin is staying overnight. Every time I fall asleep he wakes me up to tell me I fell asleep. FML

#14716778
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32979) - you deserved it (3388)

On 01/26/2011 at 2:48am - kids - by Braelynn -

Today, my college professor handed every student a note card and told us to rate his looks from 1 to 5. Is this what I pay $20,000 a year for? FML

#14716762
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28029) - you deserved it (3344)

On 01/26/2011 at 2:45am - misc - by SLOMan90 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I spent all day preparing a big, elaborate Italian dinner for my boyfriend, who recently discovered he was part Italian. He came home, turned up his nose and said "I was in the mood for Chinese". FML

#14712877
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24107) - you deserved it (3531)

On 01/25/2011 at 7:54pm - misc - by bluediva24 -

Today, I was grounded for not agreeing with an article on dating my mom found in a very strict magazine. The article told parents to monitor phone calls, make rumors about their children cheating on people and not allow their children anywhere but home. FML

#14694705
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39244) - you deserved it (2714)

On 01/24/2011 at 2:29am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Utah)

Today, my 70 year old grandma was yelling at me to take a pregnancy test, in the middle of Walmart. I'm 16, still a virgin and haven't had a boyfriend since I was 13. FML

#14693370
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32488) - you deserved it (3059)

On 01/24/2011 at 12:11am - intimacy - by andifalls -

Today, my 70 year old grandma was yelling at me to take a pregnancy test, in the middle of Walmart. I'm 16, still a virgin and haven't had a boyfriend since I was 13. FML

#14693370
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32488) - you deserved it (3059)

On 01/24/2011 at 12:11am - intimacy - by andifalls -

Today, my boyfriend tickled me. In between laughs, I warned him that I was going to pee myself. He didn't believe me. After I actually did, he suggested we use a "safety word" from now on so that he will know when I'm being serious. FML

#14691399
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25339) - you deserved it (4229)

On 01/23/2011 at 9:47pm - misc - by embarrassed2 (woman) - United States



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