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newburton13

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newburton13

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  • Number of visits : 9214
  • Number of comments : 749
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 55 posted

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You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

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You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

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newburton13's favorite FMLs

Today, I went snowboarding and fell backwards, hitting my head on a patch of ice. When I got home, I told my brother I thought I might have a concussion. He told me I should be a man and suck it, swiftly smacking my head, causing me to pass out. FML

#15221158
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33690) - you deserved it (3139)

On 03/06/2011 at 7:50pm - health - by milkndstufff (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I went snowboarding and fell backwards, hitting my head on a patch of ice. When I got home, I told my brother I thought I might have a concussion. He told me I should be a man and suck it, swiftly smacking my head, causing me to pass out. FML

#15221158
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33690) - you deserved it (3139)

On 03/06/2011 at 7:50pm - health - by milkndstufff (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I found out that my ferret, which my parents had told me ran away a few years ago, was actually given to my cousin while I was at a friend's house. My parents didn't want to deal with him anymore and gave him away for free. FML

#15197451
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25517) - you deserved it (4175)

On 03/04/2011 at 3:42pm - misc - by Person in Alaska with a Ferret - United States (Alaska)

Today, surprisingly, my roommate made a nice meal. Within an hour, I started throwing up. When I confronted her, she confessed that she'd used long expired ingredients, including meat, because she didn't want the garbage men to think she's "the type that wastes food." FML

#15166184
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33501) - you deserved it (2774)

On 03/01/2011 at 7:11pm - health - by stillsick (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I told my boyfriend I was leaving him because he's cheating on me. He then told me he will die without me. When I said that I didn't care, he said 'OK. I'll kill myself!' and then held his breath in attempt to suffocate himself. I can't believe I dated this idiot. FML

#15161095
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47919) - you deserved it (13776)

On 03/01/2011 at 8:24am - intimacy - by WhyMe? -

Today, I ran into one of my teachers from high school. When I told her I just recently graduated college and was starting graduate school in the fall, she said "you don't have to lie, some people just are not cut out for college. There is no shame." I wasn't lying, I graduated with honors too. FML

#15142777
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30853) - you deserved it (2533)

On 02/27/2011 at 7:29pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while waiting in line for the ski lift, the lady behind me kept stepping on my skis. Annoyed, I turned around and shouted at her "Get the f*ck off my skis!" Just as the last word escaped my mouth, I noticed that my skis were crossed and it was actually me stepping on them. FML

#15127985
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6408) - you deserved it (56419)

On 02/26/2011 at 4:36pm - misc - by bitchyskier - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I got stuck in a small elevator. It started to violently judder up and down after I pressed the 'Help' buzzer. The man on the intercom wouldn't stop laughing at how my voice was jumpy from the juddering movements before he called for help. FML

#15019943
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23711) - you deserved it (2493)

On 02/17/2011 at 8:31pm - misc - by stuckinalift (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I was working as an intern at a day care. One of the kids touched my chest a couple of times, and I jokingly told him that he shouldn't touch old and ugly women like me. So he started groping the little girls instead. When the other teachers asked him why, he said I had told him to. FML

#14974014
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30581) - you deserved it (11400)

On 02/14/2011 at 1:51pm - kids - by Mikabe (woman) - Sweden (Varmlands Lan)

Today, I was busily having fun with my girlfriend, when suddenly the bedroom door opened and a man walked in, picked me up, and threw me outside the apartment. I was naked and didn't even know she was into men, much less had a husband. FML

#14961230
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41833) - you deserved it (8707)

On 02/13/2011 at 5:32pm - intimacy - by Katrina (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I cut my finger deep on an envelope at work and started bleeding profusely. When I asked my co-worker for a band-aid, she told me to get back to work and stop making up excuses to try and hit on her. FML

#14932173
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28535) - you deserved it (3522)

On 02/11/2011 at 3:27am - work - by alliwantisabandaid -

Today, I got slapped in the face by my girlfriend with a banana skin, because I finished up the chocolate cake. FML

#14921394
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10783) - you deserved it (34099)

On 02/10/2011 at 11:09am - misc - by Jaws (man) - France (Alsace)

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by creating an account on Runescape; his favorite game. After finding him in-game, I started talking to him, not revealing who I was. After a while, I asked him if he had a girlfriend. He promptly said no and asked me for nude pics. FML

#14909703
336 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51401) - you deserved it (13556)

On 02/09/2011 at 2:22pm - love - by Samyett (woman) - United States

Today, I wanted to propose to my girlfriend, so I bought M and M's which I had customized with the words "Will you marry me?" on them. She ate them all without reading them. FML

#14895043
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41510) - you deserved it (13650)

On 02/08/2011 at 11:57am - love - by Username - United States (Nevada)

Today, I went to go use an automatic cart in Walmart because I broke my hip in January. They were all being used by morbidly obese people throughout the store. I asked a manager if she could get me one, but apparently their weight issues are more impeding than my broken hip. FML

#14873123
257 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35044) - you deserved it (3119)

On 02/06/2011 at 9:36pm - misc - by LimpMcgee (man) - United States (Maryland)



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