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newburton13

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newburton13

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  • Number of visits : 8823
  • Number of comments : 748
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 55 posted

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Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

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You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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newburton13's favorite FMLs

Today, I finally decided to tell my parents I was a lesbian. They spent the next few hours reading me the bible. FML

#15377082
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48995) - you deserved it (21466)

On 03/19/2011 at 1:26am - love - by lezbplove - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I have a cat with separation anxiety. By this, I mean whenever I go in another room and shut the door with her outside, she uses her head as a battering ram to try and break down the door. It's fun trying to sleep too. FML

#15366508
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28915) - you deserved it (5798)

On 03/18/2011 at 11:54am - animals - by nosleeptilpissoff (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was woken up by my 5 year old daughter hitting me with a pillow because she had a dream that I was using her tooth brush on the dog. We don't have a dog. She is now refusing to brush her teeth. FML

#15364230
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30625) - you deserved it (3732)

On 03/18/2011 at 5:25am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, while at a school anti-drugs assembly, the speaker asked everyone to stand up if they knew someone who had died of an overdose. As I stood up, my friend hit me in the side, making me laugh. I stood frozen under accusing glares while the speaker bitched me out for a good 5 minutes. FML

#15323046
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29031) - you deserved it (11611)

On 03/15/2011 at 3:29pm - misc - by Embarassed (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I showed my colleagues how I could switch on my webcam at home from the office. That's how we all found out my wife is cheating on me. FML

#15309756
282 comments

I agree, your life sucks (107640) - you deserved it (6444) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 03/14/2011 at 5:26pm - love - by Albert06 - France

Today, I spent almost two hours cleaning my fish tank, only to find out that my cat had secretly eaten all of my fish while I was cleaning the tank. FML

#15309054
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32996) - you deserved it (7549)

On 03/14/2011 at 3:52pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was fired from the trucking company I work for, due to numerous complaints about my reckless driving. I don't even do driving work there, but my ex keeps calling in to report me, and my boss wanted the calls to stop. FML

#15285580
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36031) - you deserved it (2971)

On 03/12/2011 at 6:18pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was at Aéropostale with some friends when I noticed a woman glaring at me. When we got to the checkout, the woman still had her eyes on me, so I asked why she was staring. She snapped, "If you had kept your legs closed, you wouldn't be pregnant." I'm not pregnant. FML

#15284565
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42442) - you deserved it (5617)

On 03/12/2011 at 4:11pm - misc - by vlcardenx3 (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, it was the début of the high school musical I was in. When two others and I sang the word "Hell", my mother yelled at us for using that language, while the musical was still going, and dragged me off stage. FML

#15281209
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41646) - you deserved it (3348)

On 03/12/2011 at 12:14am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I caught my finger in a sliding door. It made me pass out and give myself a concussion. My genetics would rather slam my face into the floor than deal with a pinched finger. FML

#15273701
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23693) - you deserved it (4419)

On 03/11/2011 at 9:11am - health - by Pain_intolerant - Canada

Today, I bought my fiancée a dress for her birthday. She accused me of saying she was fat, because I bought it in medium rather than small. After trying on the dress, she's now not only mad at me for buying it, but also because the dress fits perfectly. FML

#15252423
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42134) - you deserved it (4085)

On 03/09/2011 at 5:27pm - love - by drebel (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, as I couldn't get the airplane seat buckle to buckle, I faced the fact that I've been in denial about how fat I have become. The people in my row faced it too as I began to sob uncontrollably. FML

#15240526
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17847) - you deserved it (32051)

On 03/08/2011 at 1:25pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I went snowboarding and fell backwards, hitting my head on a patch of ice. When I got home, I told my brother I thought I might have a concussion. He told me I should be a man and suck it, swiftly smacking my head, causing me to pass out. FML

#15221158
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33656) - you deserved it (3136)

On 03/06/2011 at 7:50pm - health - by milkndstufff (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I went snowboarding and fell backwards, hitting my head on a patch of ice. When I got home, I told my brother I thought I might have a concussion. He told me I should be a man and suck it, swiftly smacking my head, causing me to pass out. FML

#15221158
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33656) - you deserved it (3136)

On 03/06/2011 at 7:50pm - health - by milkndstufff (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I found out that my ferret, which my parents had told me ran away a few years ago, was actually given to my cousin while I was at a friend's house. My parents didn't want to deal with him anymore and gave him away for free. FML

#15197451
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25496) - you deserved it (4173)

On 03/04/2011 at 3:42pm - misc - by Person in Alaska with a Ferret - United States (Alaska)



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