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newburton13

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newburton13

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  • Number of visits : 9204
  • Number of comments : 749
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 55 posted

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Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

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You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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newburton13's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to work at a chemotherapy clinic. After explaining to a patient about the risks and benefits of chemotherapy for his underlying metastatic lung cancer, he asks is it OK to smoke during chemotherapy. FML

#15739241
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29818) - you deserved it (3352)

On 04/11/2011 at 11:08am - work - by Shamdog48 - United States (New York)

Today, I was on my way home on my bike when a lady in a 4WD cut me off while beeping her horn and calling me a "stupid f**ker who should get a proper education." In her car, she was smoking, and her three children weren't wearing seat belts. FML

#15661688
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35801) - you deserved it (3149)

On 04/06/2011 at 3:43am - misc - by faza4327 (man) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I found out that our neighbors told almost everyone on our street that I was mentally handicapped. All this time I wasn't sure why they would speak slowly and loudly at me. Now they won't believe me when I tell them I'm a 4.0 GPA student. FML

#15650544
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31730) - you deserved it (3157)

On 04/05/2011 at 12:40pm - misc - by Imslow (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I heard that one of our customers had passed away. Saddened, I told everyone who came into our shop about his death. Understandably, some customers got very upset and one even fainted. Suddenly, the 'dead' man walked into the shop. Turns out I got the name wrong. FML

#15640936
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10608) - you deserved it (36851)

On 04/04/2011 at 8:17pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland (Cavan)

Today, after a huge row with my best friend at school, I hid myself away in the bathroom and quietly sobbed to myself. A kid loudly busted into the stall next to me and took a minute-long shit that sounded like a hailstorm of bullets. The putrid stench made me retch and violently throw up everywhere. FML

#15580957
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32130) - you deserved it (6498)

On 03/31/2011 at 9:46pm - health - by Amy - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I wound up in hospital because my boyfriend covered my face in fake gore while I was sleeping, to see if I was really as scared of blood as I claimed. Sure enough, when I saw my reflection in the bathroom mirror, I fainted, smashing my head against the counter on the way down. FML

#15550416
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34237) - you deserved it (3490)

On 03/29/2011 at 7:58pm - health - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend and I were playfully arguing about who loved the other more. After about a minute of this, my girlfriend walked over and kicked me in the crotch as hard as she could. She then said, "There, now you don't love me as much. I win." FML

#15539670
276 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46132) - you deserved it (15415)

On 03/28/2011 at 11:33pm - love - by ouch - United States (Arizona)

Today, I discovered my boyfriend has been slipping me abortion pills to "supplement" my regular birth control. FML

#15525261
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43893) - you deserved it (4943)

On 03/28/2011 at 1:26am - love - by Username - United States (California)

Today, I joked with my dad, saying I'd gotten my boyfriend pregnant. In response, he slapped me, threw my phone across the room, smashed my laptop, and then took a moment for what I'd said to sink in. FML

#15514877
354 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42003) - you deserved it (28653)

On 03/27/2011 at 2:09pm - misc - by rowie1311 (woman) - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)

Today, I asked my friend what form of birth control she used the first time she had sex. She stared at me like I was from another planet and said, "You can't get pregnant the first time..." This moron is my best friend. FML

#15500038
274 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45212) - you deserved it (7242)

On 03/26/2011 at 3:29pm - intimacy - by Thatslife (woman) - Netherlands (Friesland)

Today, I went to the hospital as my girlfriends emergency contact. When I saw her, she was under a blanket because she had no pants. She had a seizure in a guy's bed and he brought her here. He's here and she wants us both to stay. FML

#15473081
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51636) - you deserved it (3988)

On 03/24/2011 at 9:30pm - love - by tannerpaul -

Today, I got a call from this drunk man, asking for Celeste. Since I don't know any Celestes, I told him that he had the wrong number. He kept calling for her. Apparently he can't take a hint that she didn't give him her real number, and I get to deal with him. FML

#15447160
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29553) - you deserved it (2829)

On 03/23/2011 at 10:58am - misc - by jeanstein -

Today, I called my mom to tell her that I'm coming over for a visit. She answered: 'Why? What do you need? Food? Money? I'm not going to help you! You're a grown woman!' And she hung up. I just found out that I'm pregnant and she was the first person I wanted to share it with. FML

#15411546
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44665) - you deserved it (4353)

On 03/21/2011 at 3:07am - misc - by kelly (woman) - Estonia (Harjumaa)

Today, in an attempt to get my son to stop playing Call of Duty, I threw his Xbox controller out the window. He was so desperate, he followed it. His bedroom is on the second floor. My son has 3 broken ribs, and no future. FML

#15405912
491 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34683) - you deserved it (48655)

On 03/20/2011 at 9:25pm - kids - by failureparent (man) - United States (California)

Today, in an attempt to get my son to stop playing Call of Duty, I threw his Xbox controller out the window. He was so desperate, he followed it. His bedroom is on the second floor. My son has 3 broken ribs, and no future. FML

#15405912
491 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34683) - you deserved it (48655)

On 03/20/2011 at 9:25pm - kids - by failureparent (man) - United States (California)



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