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newburton13

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newburton13

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  • Number of visits : 12462
  • Number of comments : 752
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 55 posted

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newburton13's favorite FMLs

Today, while driving, a minivan cut me off. Pissed, I started honking and cursing. I then went ballistic when the driver waved out the window, smiling. It wasn't until I was at a stoplight that I noticed their "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. FML

#16263941
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26615) - you deserved it (14191)

On 05/20/2011 at 6:07am - misc - by Max Flynn -

Today, I took my 6 year old son to meet our new neighbours. When we got home he packed his bags and headed for the door. Once he reached the door, I asked where he was going. He replied, "To the neighbours'. They have a bigger television." FML

#16256020
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25445) - you deserved it (4439)

On 05/19/2011 at 7:05pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador)

Today, I came home to my front door open and a homeless man taking a 'bath' in my sink. If this wasn't bad enough, he refused to leave because 'finders keepers!' FML

#16243559
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37211) - you deserved it (3730)

On 05/18/2011 at 9:07pm - misc - by Ally (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I went to my phone company and had my text history pulled. Why? Because a few days ago my 4 year old daughter told me that, "Daddy has a wife and a girlfriend." Turns out she was right. FML

#16176534
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43706) - you deserved it (3922)

On 05/14/2011 at 7:35pm - love - by Clueless (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while tanning on a family cruise, I woke up to a crowd of people staring at me in disgust. Apparently, I'd fallen asleep, developed a boner, and started french-kissing the air. I had to sit through both the surveillance tapes and a grand bollocking from security in the aftermath. FML

#16161351
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38710) - you deserved it (9898)

On 05/13/2011 at 7:07pm - intimacy - by f*cks_sake - United States (Ohio)

Today, my 12 year old son came home from school and informed me that he bought an air guitar for $20. He honestly thinks this is a good price. FML

#16113855
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35218) - you deserved it (11553)

On 05/10/2011 at 1:18am - kids - by Whatdididowrong? -

Today, I realized that I give the computer screen a thumbs up whenever I see something cool. I work on computers in front of people all day. FML

#16112747
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13623) - you deserved it (23343)

On 05/09/2011 at 11:44pm - work - by helen -

Today, I confided to my dad that since the recent breakup with my boyfriend of 3 months, I feel down all the time and life doesn't feel worth living anymore. His loving advice was for me to "grow the fuck up and get your sentimental head out of la-la land." FML

#16092460
526 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19728) - you deserved it (66446)

On 05/08/2011 at 3:21pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I discovered that my new boyfriend is the type of guy who, when there is a conflict, will just scream "I LOVE YOU" over and over hoping that it will solve itself instead of actually trying to work the problem out. FML

#16055177
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37472) - you deserved it (7343)

On 05/05/2011 at 10:40am - love - by sad (woman) - United Kingdom (Somerset)

Today, I brought my girlfriend of four months home for dinner to meet my parents. The first thing my mom says to her? "Oh my God, you're real!" FML

#16051471
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37081) - you deserved it (4498)

On 05/04/2011 at 11:30pm - misc - by Charlie (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my psycho stepmother and I got into an argument, and she started to get physical. After calling the police, and a cop showing up at the door, he took her side because she said it was "discipline". I'm a 29 year old man. FML

#16029650
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32349) - you deserved it (4775)

On 05/03/2011 at 4:19am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after being annoyed one too many times by my students' whiney attitudes, I accidentally blurted out, "Quit being such a bitch," to the superintendent's daughter. FML

#16017887
256 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21718) - you deserved it (41388)

On 05/02/2011 at 10:30am - work - by MathTeacher (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I sent a kinky text message to my boyfriend. Within minutes I got a reply of 'whoever this is, fuck off and give my girlfriend's phone back.' Apparently I'm so bad at writing sexy messages that my boyfriend thought it was a prank from someone who'd stolen my phone. FML

#16016307
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37199) - you deserved it (9721)

On 05/02/2011 at 4:34am - intimacy - by ohtheshame -

Today, I realized that the black leggings I wear quite often become see-through when I bend over. I have been showing the world my ass as well as my thong for over a month now. FML

#16015656
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11239) - you deserved it (52025)

On 05/02/2011 at 2:39am - misc - by ChrissySoltys (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I once again told my son he needed a job and a girlfriend because I simply could not keep him in my house anymore. He yelled, "No, I can do whatever I want!" Then went back to playing video games. He's 38. FML

#15960842
373 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30119) - you deserved it (42528)

On 04/28/2011 at 7:07am - kids - by oldmama728 -



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