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newburton13

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newburton13

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  • Number of visits : 9151
  • Number of comments : 749
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 55 posted

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Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

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You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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newburton13's favorite FMLs

Today, my psycho stepmother and I got into an argument, and she started to get physical. After calling the police, and a cop showing up at the door, he took her side because she said it was "discipline". I'm a 29 year old man. FML

#16029650
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32161) - you deserved it (4762)

On 05/03/2011 at 4:19am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after being annoyed one too many times by my students' whiney attitudes, I accidentally blurted out, "Quit being such a bitch," to the superintendent's daughter. FML

#16017887
256 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21611) - you deserved it (41247)

On 05/02/2011 at 10:30am - work - by MathTeacher (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I sent a kinky text message to my boyfriend. Within minutes I got a reply of 'whoever this is, fuck off and give my girlfriend's phone back.' Apparently I'm so bad at writing sexy messages that my boyfriend thought it was a prank from someone who'd stolen my phone. FML

#16016307
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37057) - you deserved it (9705)

On 05/02/2011 at 4:34am - intimacy - by ohtheshame -

Today, I realized that the black leggings I wear quite often become see-through when I bend over. I have been showing the world my ass as well as my thong for over a month now. FML

#16015656
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10790) - you deserved it (51039)

On 05/02/2011 at 2:39am - misc - by ChrissySoltys (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I once again told my son he needed a job and a girlfriend because I simply could not keep him in my house anymore. He yelled, "No, I can do whatever I want!" Then went back to playing video games. He's 38. FML

#15960842
371 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28960) - you deserved it (41382)

On 04/28/2011 at 7:07am - kids - by oldmama728 -

Today, a kid with severe Down's came into my workplace, as he does every day. He's has an obsession with me, sitting at a table, staring and taking photos of me all day. His parents have no problem with this, because they think it's a miracle that he can focus so much attention on me for so long. FML

#15935397
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34468) - you deserved it (5929)

On 04/26/2011 at 3:25pm - misc - by notimpressed (woman) - United Kingdom (East Sussex)

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in front of an entire street of people. We've only been dating for a week. One of the women in the crowd then called me heartless and threw a hamburger at me when I turned him down. FML

#15917797
244 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48961) - you deserved it (9068)

On 04/25/2011 at 9:49am - love - by Jade (woman) - United Kingdom (Lancashire)

Today, at work my boss told me I have been late, under-productive, and using up a lot of sick days. He says my job is on the line. My reason for barely showing up at work: I've been on maternity leave for 6 weeks. FML

#15917081
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32704) - you deserved it (3252)

On 04/25/2011 at 7:41am - work - by Aginsafa (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up to find a parking ticket on my car. My car was in my driveway and the cop who wrote it is my ex-boyfriend. This is the third time. FML

#15914349
279 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41834) - you deserved it (6246)

On 04/25/2011 at 12:24am - misc - by neverdatingacopagain (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I shaved my head because I heard that one of my good friends got cancer. I went to visit her in the hospital. She's not bald. FML

#15907460
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18804) - you deserved it (54013)

On 04/24/2011 at 10:06am - health - by nohair (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my boyfriend of two years told me I was being too obsessive. This is the guy who has gone through my phone two separate times and deleted all of my male contacts. FML

#15833979
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37541) - you deserved it (7884)

On 04/18/2011 at 1:54pm - love - by alissa_roar - United States

Today, after receiving the third call this week from teachers about my son falling asleep in class, I decided that it would be a good idea to hide his Xbox controllers. He decided it would be a good idea to hide my diabetes medication. FML

#15805325
385 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44957) - you deserved it (17713)

On 04/16/2011 at 8:35am - health - by bbedlock (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my wife and I were planning our nursery for our future child. She said that we'd be painting it pink either way. I asked what would happen if we had a boy. She said "Oh, he'll be gay" with a menacing glare. I'm worried. FML

#15804993
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39059) - you deserved it (6354)

On 04/16/2011 at 6:59am - misc - by Worried (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I ran a red light in front of a cop and got pulled over. My friend thought it would be funny to throw a knife in my lap and scream "Help me officer, he has a knife!" FML

#15773415
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44476) - you deserved it (6717)

On 04/13/2011 at 6:57pm - misc - by FrOsTy25 -

Today, my high school guidance counselor tried to convince me NOT to go to college, mainly because it's been so long since someone from my high school went to college, that she got rid of all the college information she used to have. FML

#15768228
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40426) - you deserved it (3245)

On 04/13/2011 at 9:07am - misc - by CollegeBoy (man) - Canada (Alberta)



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