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newburton13

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newburton13

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  • Number of visits : 8047
  • Number of comments : 747
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 55 posted

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Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

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newburton13's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend of two years told me I was being too obsessive. This is the guy who has gone through my phone two separate times and deleted all of my male contacts. FML

#15833979
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37017) - you deserved it (7820)

On 04/18/2011 at 1:54pm - love - by alissa_roar - United States

Today, after receiving the third call this week from teachers about my son falling asleep in class, I decided that it would be a good idea to hide his Xbox controllers. He decided it would be a good idea to hide my diabetes medication. FML

#15805325
384 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44829) - you deserved it (17694)

On 04/16/2011 at 8:35am - health - by bbedlock (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my wife and I were planning our nursery for our future child. She said that we'd be painting it pink either way. I asked what would happen if we had a boy. She said "Oh, he'll be gay" with a menacing glare. I'm worried. FML

#15804993
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38791) - you deserved it (6341)

On 04/16/2011 at 6:59am - misc - by Worried (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I ran a red light in front of a cop and got pulled over. My friend thought it would be funny to throw a knife in my lap and scream "Help me officer, he has a knife!" FML

#15773415
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44377) - you deserved it (6712)

On 04/13/2011 at 6:57pm - misc - by FrOsTy25 -

Today, my high school guidance counselor tried to convince me NOT to go to college, mainly because it's been so long since someone from my high school went to college, that she got rid of all the college information she used to have. FML

#15768228
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40337) - you deserved it (3238)

On 04/13/2011 at 9:07am - misc - by CollegeBoy (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I went to work at a chemotherapy clinic. After explaining to a patient about the risks and benefits of chemotherapy for his underlying metastatic lung cancer, he asks is it OK to smoke during chemotherapy. FML

#15739241
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29062) - you deserved it (3286)

On 04/11/2011 at 11:08am - work - by Shamdog48 - United States (New York)

Today, I was on my way home on my bike when a lady in a 4WD cut me off while beeping her horn and calling me a "stupid f**ker who should get a proper education." In her car, she was smoking, and her three children weren't wearing seat belts. FML

#15661688
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35701) - you deserved it (3145)

On 04/06/2011 at 3:43am - misc - by faza4327 (man) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I found out that our neighbors told almost everyone on our street that I was mentally handicapped. All this time I wasn't sure why they would speak slowly and loudly at me. Now they won't believe me when I tell them I'm a 4.0 GPA student. FML

#15650544
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31640) - you deserved it (3154)

On 04/05/2011 at 12:40pm - misc - by Imslow (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I heard that one of our customers had passed away. Saddened, I told everyone who came into our shop about his death. Understandably, some customers got very upset and one even fainted. Suddenly, the 'dead' man walked into the shop. Turns out I got the name wrong. FML

#15640936
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10564) - you deserved it (36765)

On 04/04/2011 at 8:17pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland (Cavan)

Today, after a huge row with my best friend at school, I hid myself away in the bathroom and quietly sobbed to myself. A kid loudly busted into the stall next to me and took a minute-long shit that sounded like a hailstorm of bullets. The putrid stench made me retch and violently throw up everywhere. FML

#15580957
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32086) - you deserved it (6492)

On 03/31/2011 at 9:46pm - health - by Amy - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I wound up in hospital because my boyfriend covered my face in fake gore while I was sleeping, to see if I was really as scared of blood as I claimed. Sure enough, when I saw my reflection in the bathroom mirror, I fainted, smashing my head against the counter on the way down. FML

#15550416
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34133) - you deserved it (3486)

On 03/29/2011 at 7:58pm - health - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend and I were playfully arguing about who loved the other more. After about a minute of this, my girlfriend walked over and kicked me in the crotch as hard as she could. She then said, "There, now you don't love me as much. I win." FML

#15539670
276 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46015) - you deserved it (15395)

On 03/28/2011 at 11:33pm - love - by ouch - United States (Arizona)

Today, I discovered my boyfriend has been slipping me abortion pills to "supplement" my regular birth control. FML

#15525261
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43797) - you deserved it (4934)

On 03/28/2011 at 1:26am - love - by Username - United States (California)

Today, I joked with my dad, saying I'd gotten my boyfriend pregnant. In response, he slapped me, threw my phone across the room, smashed my laptop, and then took a moment for what I'd said to sink in. FML

#15514877
355 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41877) - you deserved it (28613)

On 03/27/2011 at 2:09pm - misc - by rowie1311 (woman) - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)

Today, I asked my friend what form of birth control she used the first time she had sex. She stared at me like I was from another planet and said, "You can't get pregnant the first time..." This moron is my best friend. FML

#15500038
274 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44868) - you deserved it (7210)

On 03/26/2011 at 3:29pm - intimacy - by Thatslife (woman) - Netherlands (Friesland)



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