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newburton13

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newburton13

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  • Number of visits : 9131
  • Number of comments : 749
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 55 posted

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newburton13's FML badges

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

Keen reader – Level: godlike ninja

You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of newburton13's badges

newburton13's favorite FMLs

Today, I had to explain to my sobbing teenage daughter why you can't get pregnant from masturbating. FML

#16331288
265 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53050) - you deserved it (8667)

On 05/24/2011 at 6:29pm - intimacy - by asnolt (man) - United States (California)

Today, my AP teacher once again accused me of plagiarism. Apparently the words "demise," "ultimately," and "rural," are too sophisticated for an 11th grade AP student to use and MUST have been copied from the Internet. FML

#16311438
281 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45544) - you deserved it (2825)

On 05/23/2011 at 10:35am - misc - by dumbteacher -

Today, I received a visit from a social worker. My son told his teacher I was starving him, all because I refused to let him eat pizza and ice cream for breakfast. FML

#16310426
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38941) - you deserved it (4097)

On 05/23/2011 at 7:58am - kids - by Bad Parent -

Today, I received a visit from a social worker. My son told his teacher I was starving him, all because I refused to let him eat pizza and ice cream for breakfast. FML

#16310426
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38941) - you deserved it (4097)

On 05/23/2011 at 7:58am - kids - by Bad Parent -

Today, I had my new girlfriend over for dinner. Halfway through the meal, my dad started poking her with his fork. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he barked back, "Just making sure she isn't a blow-up doll!" FML

#16271302
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39743) - you deserved it (4112)

On 05/20/2011 at 7:30pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, while driving, a minivan cut me off. Pissed, I started honking and cursing. I then went ballistic when the driver waved out the window, smiling. It wasn't until I was at a stoplight that I noticed their "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. FML

#16263941
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26491) - you deserved it (14161)

On 05/20/2011 at 6:07am - misc - by Max Flynn -

Today, I took my 6 year old son to meet our new neighbours. When we got home he packed his bags and headed for the door. Once he reached the door, I asked where he was going. He replied, "To the neighbours'. They have a bigger television." FML

#16256020
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25285) - you deserved it (4432)

On 05/19/2011 at 7:05pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador)

Today, I came home to my front door open and a homeless man taking a 'bath' in my sink. If this wasn't bad enough, he refused to leave because 'finders keepers!' FML

#16243559
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35443) - you deserved it (3584)

On 05/18/2011 at 9:07pm - misc - by Ally (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I went to my phone company and had my text history pulled. Why? Because a few days ago my 4 year old daughter told me that, "Daddy has a wife and a girlfriend." Turns out she was right. FML

#16176534
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43586) - you deserved it (3913)

On 05/14/2011 at 7:35pm - love - by Clueless (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while tanning on a family cruise, I woke up to a crowd of people staring at me in disgust. Apparently, I'd fallen asleep, developed a boner, and started french-kissing the air. I had to sit through both the surveillance tapes and a grand bollocking from security in the aftermath. FML

#16161351
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37696) - you deserved it (9741)

On 05/13/2011 at 7:07pm - intimacy - by f*cks_sake - United States (Ohio)

Today, my 12 year old son came home from school and informed me that he bought an air guitar for $20. He honestly thinks this is a good price. FML

#16113855
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34136) - you deserved it (11319)

On 05/10/2011 at 1:18am - kids - by Whatdididowrong? -

Today, I realized that I give the computer screen a thumbs up whenever I see something cool. I work on computers in front of people all day. FML

#16112747
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13146) - you deserved it (22455)

On 05/09/2011 at 11:44pm - work - by helen -

Today, I confided to my dad that since the recent breakup with my boyfriend of 3 months, I feel down all the time and life doesn't feel worth living anymore. His loving advice was for me to "grow the fuck up and get your sentimental head out of la-la land." FML

#16092460
525 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19618) - you deserved it (66269)

On 05/08/2011 at 3:21pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I discovered that my new boyfriend is the type of guy who, when there is a conflict, will just scream "I LOVE YOU" over and over hoping that it will solve itself instead of actually trying to work the problem out. FML

#16055177
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36410) - you deserved it (7212)

On 05/05/2011 at 10:40am - love - by sad (woman) - United Kingdom (Somerset)

Today, I brought my girlfriend of four months home for dinner to meet my parents. The first thing my mom says to her? "Oh my God, you're real!" FML

#16051471
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36269) - you deserved it (4432)

On 05/04/2011 at 11:30pm - misc - by Charlie (man) - United States (Texas)



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