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newburton13

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newburton13
  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Number of visits : 6633
  • Number of comments : 744
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 55 posted

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Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

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newburton13's favorite FMLs

Today, I brought my girlfriend of four months home for dinner to meet my parents. The first thing my mom says to her? "Oh my God, you're real!" FML

#16051471
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30396) - you deserved it (3430)

On 05/04/2011 at 11:30pm - misc - by Charlie (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my psycho stepmother and I got into an argument, and she started to get physical. After calling the police, and a cop showing up at the door, he took her side because she said it was "discipline". I'm a 29 year old man. FML

#16029650
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28928) - you deserved it (4462)

On 05/03/2011 at 4:19am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after being annoyed one too many times by my students' whiney attitudes, I accidentally blurted out, "Quit being such a bitch," to the superintendent's daughter. FML

#16017887
255 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20473) - you deserved it (39736)

On 05/02/2011 at 10:30am - work - by MathTeacher (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I sent a kinky text message to my boyfriend. Within minutes I got a reply of 'whoever this is, fuck off and give my girlfriend's phone back.' Apparently I'm so bad at writing sexy messages that my boyfriend thought it was a prank from someone who'd stolen my phone. FML

#16016307
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35742) - you deserved it (9491)

On 05/02/2011 at 4:34am - intimacy - by ohtheshame -

Today, I realized that the black leggings I wear quite often become see-through when I bend over. I have been showing the world my ass as well as my thong for over a month now. FML

#16015656
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9893) - you deserved it (48707)

On 05/02/2011 at 2:39am - misc - by ChrissySoltys (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I once again told my son he needed a job and a girlfriend because I simply could not keep him in my house anymore. He yelled, "No, I can do whatever I want!" Then went back to playing video games. He's 38. FML

#15960842
365 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27410) - you deserved it (39621)

On 04/28/2011 at 7:07am - kids - by oldmama728 -

Today, a kid with severe Down's came into my workplace, as he does every day. He's has an obsession with me, sitting at a table, staring and taking photos of me all day. His parents have no problem with this, because they think it's a miracle that he can focus so much attention on me for so long. FML

#15935397
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29471) - you deserved it (4611)

On 04/26/2011 at 3:25pm - misc - by notimpressed (woman) - United Kingdom (East Sussex)

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in front of an entire street of people. We've only been dating for a week. One of the women in the crowd then called me heartless and threw a hamburger at me when I turned him down. FML

#15917797
242 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47282) - you deserved it (8894)

On 04/25/2011 at 9:49am - love - by Jade (woman) - United Kingdom (Lancashire)

Today, at work my boss told me I have been late, under-productive, and using up a lot of sick days. He says my job is on the line. My reason for barely showing up at work: I've been on maternity leave for 6 weeks. FML

#15917081
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31099) - you deserved it (3130)

On 04/25/2011 at 7:41am - work - by Aginsafa (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up to find a parking ticket on my car. My car was in my driveway and the cop who wrote it is my ex-boyfriend. This is the third time. FML

#15914349
279 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39470) - you deserved it (6025)

On 04/25/2011 at 12:24am - misc - by neverdatingacopagain (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I shaved my head because I heard that one of my good friends got cancer. I went to visit her in the hospital. She's not bald. FML

#15907460
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18053) - you deserved it (52180)

On 04/24/2011 at 10:06am - health - by nohair (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my boyfriend of two years told me I was being too obsessive. This is the guy who has gone through my phone two separate times and deleted all of my male contacts. FML

#15833979
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35537) - you deserved it (7633)

On 04/18/2011 at 1:54pm - love - by alissa_roar - United States

Today, after receiving the third call this week from teachers about my son falling asleep in class, I decided that it would be a good idea to hide his Xbox controllers. He decided it would be a good idea to hide my diabetes medication. FML

#15805325
384 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41413) - you deserved it (16676)

On 04/16/2011 at 8:35am - health - by bbedlock (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my wife and I were planning our nursery for our future child. She said that we'd be painting it pink either way. I asked what would happen if we had a boy. She said "Oh, he'll be gay" with a menacing glare. I'm worried. FML

#15804993
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37528) - you deserved it (6173)

On 04/16/2011 at 6:59am - misc - by Worried (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I ran a red light in front of a cop and got pulled over. My friend thought it would be funny to throw a knife in my lap and scream "Help me officer, he has a knife!" FML

#15773415
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38523) - you deserved it (5132)

On 04/13/2011 at 6:57pm - misc - by FrOsTy25 -



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