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newburton13

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newburton13

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  • Number of visits : 8730
  • Number of comments : 748
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 55 posted

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Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

Keen reader – Level: godlike ninja

You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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newburton13's favorite FMLs

Today, while babysitting I decided to play with a children's puzzle to pass the time. Fifteen minutes in I gave up. The kid then came over and put it together in less than five. There were only ten pieces. FML

#16481636
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9815) - you deserved it (54108)

On 06/03/2011 at 10:04am - misc - by Username - United States

Today, I received a phone call from my old boss asking me why I wasn't at work, to which I responded, "Because you fired me yesterday". He didn't say anything, and hung up. FML

#16480266
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36622) - you deserved it (2975)

On 06/03/2011 at 5:57am - work - by xmeatballx21 - United States (South Dakota)

Today, a customer had an allergic reaction to the almonds in the sundae I made for her. We're supposed to put the almonds on unless the customer asks otherwise. She complained to my boss that I'd poisoned her. FML

#16462261
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30498) - you deserved it (3175)

On 06/02/2011 at 12:40am - work - by Unemployed (man) - United States

Today, I was slammed onto my car, thrown on the ground, and arrested for outstanding warrants from 1979. I was born in 1992. FML

#16449288
277 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65273) - you deserved it (3606)

On 06/01/2011 at 9:30am - misc - by aarone23 - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I found out that the school principal takes all the money from the school fund raisers to buy herself donuts. I'd donated over $100. FML

#16447988
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37448) - you deserved it (4873)

On 06/01/2011 at 5:20am - money - by Golden~ - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while at work, a rather large woman came in and ordered a cheeseburger. When asking if she would like to supersize it, she took her purse, smacked me, and told me she wasn't fat, and how rude I was for calling her supersized. I was just doing my job. FML

#16430748
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39810) - you deserved it (4269)

On 05/31/2011 at 2:49am - work - by Me - United States (Arizona)

Today, my girlfriend told me how she loves when I kiss her out of the blue. I don't have the heart to admit I only do it so I can get some peace and quiet for a few seconds. FML

#16429286
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16749) - you deserved it (34272)

On 05/31/2011 at 12:51am - love - by romantic84 (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend in a crowded mall. I thought this was a good idea, until she went ballistic, began screaming and crying, and then stabbed me in the stomach with a ballpoint pen. I got banned from the mall. FML

#16411283
255 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21172) - you deserved it (47467)

On 05/30/2011 at 12:29am - love - by kingpin9219 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I went to a restaurant and sat at the last available table, which had a seat available across from me. A cute girl approached and asked if she could sit down, so I said "Sure" and made some room. She then asked "You're leaving, right?" FML

Today, I found out my mom intentionally puts extra butter and oil in the food she cooks for me because she wants me to be fatter than her. FML

#16355568
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53113) - you deserved it (3374)

On 05/26/2011 at 10:24am - health - by fatteningmeup (woman) - United States

Today, my dad came to my graduate art show wearing a t-shirt saying "My other daughter is a science major". He'd had it specially made. FML

#16341041
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38048) - you deserved it (6820)

On 05/25/2011 at 10:06am - misc - by art_major (woman) - United Kingdom (Sheffield)

Today, I had to explain to my sobbing teenage daughter why you can't get pregnant from masturbating. FML

#16331288
265 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52623) - you deserved it (8610)

On 05/24/2011 at 6:29pm - intimacy - by asnolt (man) - United States (California)

Today, my AP teacher once again accused me of plagiarism. Apparently the words "demise," "ultimately," and "rural," are too sophisticated for an 11th grade AP student to use and MUST have been copied from the Internet. FML

#16311438
281 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45517) - you deserved it (2821)

On 05/23/2011 at 10:35am - misc - by dumbteacher -

Today, I received a visit from a social worker. My son told his teacher I was starving him, all because I refused to let him eat pizza and ice cream for breakfast. FML

#16310426
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38237) - you deserved it (4045)

On 05/23/2011 at 7:58am - kids - by Bad Parent -

Today, I received a visit from a social worker. My son told his teacher I was starving him, all because I refused to let him eat pizza and ice cream for breakfast. FML

#16310426
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38237) - you deserved it (4045)

On 05/23/2011 at 7:58am - kids - by Bad Parent -



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