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newburton13

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newburton13

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  • Number of visits : 8075
  • Number of comments : 747
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 55 posted

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newburton13's FML badges

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

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You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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newburton13's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend smelt my penis after I got back from the gym. She was making sure it didn't smell like latex. I can't even go to the gym without her thinking I'm cheating on her. FML

#16700863
356 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42590) - you deserved it (9282)

On 06/16/2011 at 8:33pm - intimacy - by evomadrid24 - United States (California)

Today, I went from a party where both of my girlfriends decided to show, to a hospital bed with no girlfriends and a painful left testicle. FML

#16689937
491 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14971) - you deserved it (211909)

On 06/16/2011 at 2:20am - intimacy - by crushed dreams - United States

Today, I was in my family's hotel room taking a dump. The lock to the bathroom was broken so we had made a deal: when the door is closed, someone is using the toilet. The maid didn't know that. She punched me in the face because she claimed I scared her. FML

#16675127
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32418) - you deserved it (2863)

On 06/15/2011 at 9:37am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Denmark (Sjelland)

Today, I was swimming at the water park, when out of nowhere a lifeguard bombed into the pool, grabbed me, and hauled me to the surface, running his hands over my chest in the process. Apparently, the way I swim makes it look like I'm in my drowning death throes. FML

#16600238
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27818) - you deserved it (7071)

On 06/10/2011 at 8:14pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was under a building overhang to avoid getting drenched by the rain while waiting for the bus. Apparently that corner is notorious for drug dealing, I found this out when a man angrily demanded his drugs and chased me half a block. FML

#16568817
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28280) - you deserved it (2950)

On 06/08/2011 at 9:24pm - misc - by DrugDeal (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out my mom has notebooks with lists of everything she has bought for me ever since I was born. Apparently she is going to make me pay her back for all the money she spent on me once I'm an adult. FML

#16556165
258 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49975) - you deserved it (3423)

On 06/08/2011 at 12:35am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was taking a nap in our country house. I was sick with a fever of 101.3. When I woke up, I see that my family had left to go back to the apartment. They forgot me. FML

#16543151
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32395) - you deserved it (3166)

On 06/07/2011 at 6:27am - misc - by Sickinbed (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I just bought a car with all of my own money. Then, when I brought it home my dad informed me that my mom will be driving it to work every day. FML

#16522154
305 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43047) - you deserved it (3587)

On 06/05/2011 at 11:29pm - misc - by Username - United States

Today, while babysitting I decided to play with a children's puzzle to pass the time. Fifteen minutes in I gave up. The kid then came over and put it together in less than five. There were only ten pieces. FML

#16481636
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9800) - you deserved it (54041)

On 06/03/2011 at 10:04am - misc - by Username - United States

Today, I received a phone call from my old boss asking me why I wasn't at work, to which I responded, "Because you fired me yesterday". He didn't say anything, and hung up. FML

#16480266
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36565) - you deserved it (2972)

On 06/03/2011 at 5:57am - work - by xmeatballx21 - United States (South Dakota)

Today, a customer had an allergic reaction to the almonds in the sundae I made for her. We're supposed to put the almonds on unless the customer asks otherwise. She complained to my boss that I'd poisoned her. FML

#16462261
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30204) - you deserved it (3150)

On 06/02/2011 at 12:40am - work - by Unemployed (man) - United States

Today, I was slammed onto my car, thrown on the ground, and arrested for outstanding warrants from 1979. I was born in 1992. FML

#16449288
276 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65164) - you deserved it (3599)

On 06/01/2011 at 9:30am - misc - by aarone23 - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I found out that the school principal takes all the money from the school fund raisers to buy herself donuts. I'd donated over $100. FML

#16447988
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37386) - you deserved it (4871)

On 06/01/2011 at 5:20am - money - by Golden~ - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while at work, a rather large woman came in and ordered a cheeseburger. When asking if she would like to supersize it, she took her purse, smacked me, and told me she wasn't fat, and how rude I was for calling her supersized. I was just doing my job. FML

#16430748
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39465) - you deserved it (4248)

On 05/31/2011 at 2:49am - work - by Me - United States (Arizona)

Today, my girlfriend told me how she loves when I kiss her out of the blue. I don't have the heart to admit I only do it so I can get some peace and quiet for a few seconds. FML

#16429286
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16719) - you deserved it (34242)

On 05/31/2011 at 12:51am - love - by romantic84 (man) - Canada (Ontario)



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