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newburton13

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newburton13

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  • Number of visits : 11125
  • Number of comments : 752
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 55 posted

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You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

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You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

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newburton13's favorite FMLs

Today, the driver's side window of my car was busted, and inside was a note that said, "Sorry, thought this was my car." FML

#16932864
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33136) - you deserved it (2197)

On 07/01/2011 at 4:31am - misc - by Rick - United States (California)

Today, I began to walk across the street when I saw a very familiar old lady struggle across it. I walked over to help her, and only after she had blown her rape whistle and socked me in the nuts did she realize I was her grandson. FML

#16919201
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39702) - you deserved it (3204)

On 06/30/2011 at 4:18am - misc - by John - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to tell me that he was worried our child might not be mine because he was cheating on me when I got pregnant. FML

#16912974
444 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64620) - you deserved it (6748)

On 06/29/2011 at 7:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I got asked on a date. I was later told we had to cancel. Why? My ex is parked in front of his house and he is afraid to leave. FML

#16911050
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40749) - you deserved it (3546)

On 06/29/2011 at 4:41pm - love - by nolove4me (woman) - United States (Alaska)

Today, my boyfriend of five years proposed to me in front of my entire family. He later confessed that it was part of a dare with his friends because, "There was no way you'd say yes." Guess who has to explain this to all my relatives? FML

#16882542
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40442) - you deserved it (3253)

On 06/27/2011 at 2:38pm - love - by mavstrr1764847 - United States (Colorado)

Today, my extremely in-shape boyfriend told me he hasn't had a chance to work out lately. I jokingly poked him in the belly saying he's getting chunky and winked. He burst into tears. FML

#16871149
294 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23166) - you deserved it (35950)

On 06/26/2011 at 9:08pm - health - by kaplwv116 - United States (Illinois)

Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend told me he was too busy studying for finals, but that he'd take me out another day instead. He later drunk-dialled me from a party demanding a lift back home. FML

#16838665
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38288) - you deserved it (3796)

On 06/24/2011 at 7:36pm - love - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Devon)

Today, my mom decided to do something new and borrowed some of my clothes. She's currently wearing a very small pair of short shorts and a very tight tank top. We're going to a very prestigious golf course and she won't change. FML

#16833815
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29260) - you deserved it (4452)

On 06/24/2011 at 1:00pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my boss gave me a speech about my "motivation issues". I've been working for him for 2 months, the commissions I've made for him paid off his bills, so what are my motivation issues? I turned down his offer of a date. I have a boyfriend. He keeps asking. FML

#16827644
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29251) - you deserved it (2256)

On 06/24/2011 at 1:11am - work - by Leah (woman) - United States

Today, I couldn't prove my son has had chickenpox, so his school gave us the option of getting a potentially dangerous shot he didn't need, pay for an expensive blood test to show that he previously had the virus, or sign a waiver stating I'm a religious nut refusing medical treatment. FML

#16822119
347 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28555) - you deserved it (6865)

On 06/23/2011 at 7:58pm - health - by CallMeJesusFreak (woman) - United States (California)

Today, it was my first day at my new job. My new boss asked me if I was single. After telling him I have been happily married for 6 years, he fired me on the spot. FML

#16793164
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50126) - you deserved it (3530)

On 06/22/2011 at 1:35am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I was using the restroom when a little girl tried to open my stall. It was locked, so she slid under the door and tried to have a conversation with me while I was pooping. FML

#16767931
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40674) - you deserved it (3482)

On 06/20/2011 at 6:42pm - misc - by shyshy96679 - United States

Today, at the DMV, I was told to push my forehead against a vision testing device on the counter to activate a blinking light. When nothing happened, the employee started yelling for me to push harder. I tried again, only to knock the whole thing into her. FML

#16745803
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26502) - you deserved it (2868)

On 06/19/2011 at 1:51pm - misc - by sabadaba - United States (Arizona)

Today, my boyfriend told me why he stood me up last night instead of coming over to visit. Apparently me telling him I couldn't wait for him to do naughty things to me turned him off, and made him feel like a piece of meat. FML

#16717127
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34727) - you deserved it (10344)

On 06/17/2011 at 7:32pm - intimacy - by Willow - United States

Today, my girlfriend smelt my penis after I got back from the gym. She was making sure it didn't smell like latex. I can't even go to the gym without her thinking I'm cheating on her. FML

#16700863
355 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43256) - you deserved it (9376)

On 06/16/2011 at 8:33pm - intimacy - by evomadrid24 - United States (California)



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