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  • Number of visits : 15727
  • Number of comments : 762
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 55 posted

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newburton13's page activity

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newburton13's favorite FMLs

Today, in a queue to the ATM, a hot girl was standing in front of me. The girl's boyfriend grabbed her ass. She turned around and slapped me. FML

Today, my mum gave me half-raw chicken for dinner. After she refused to cook it again, I threw it away saying that I didn't want to get salmonella. She told to be more grateful, and that I was an idiot for trying to use salmonella as an excuse because 'it's chicken, not salmon'. FML


I agree, your life sucks (40739) - you deserved it (3673)

On 08/29/2011 at 4:33am - health - by SoupCanoe - United Kingdom (Hampshire)

Today, while bitching some girl out for spilling coffee all over me, she looks at me with accepting eyes and says after I'd finished, "I can understand your anger, big girls like you get grumpy when they're hungry." FML


I agree, your life sucks (14469) - you deserved it (46220)

On 08/28/2011 at 5:41pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I had an interview for an internship at an independent lawyer's office. Hoping to increase my chances of being hired, I dressed up sexily with a short skirt, high heels, and ample cleavage. Turns out his wife handles the interviews. FML


I agree, your life sucks (10387) - you deserved it (101803) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/25/2011 at 5:45pm - love - by santa_maria - Reunion

Today, I was out shopping when an old lady bumped into me and dropped her purse. Trying to help, I bent over to pick it up, at which point she battered the shit out of me, called me a "filthy thief" and threatened to open an umbrella in my ass. What the fuck has the world come to? FML


I agree, your life sucks (39249) - you deserved it (2864)

On 08/25/2011 at 5:17pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I started my new job as a teacher. Worried about how I looked, I asked a coworker if I looked okay. She said, "You look fine. Just like a normal high school kid." I spent the next half hour convincing her that I was not a student, but a teacher. FML


I agree, your life sucks (28011) - you deserved it (3469)

On 08/24/2011 at 4:33pm - work - by Meagan smith - United States (Colorado)

Today, my obnoxious mother-in-law berated me in front of my husband's family for still working while pregnant. She says I'm harming the baby by not quitting. I'm only 4 months pregnant and I work as a nurse at a hospital. FML


I agree, your life sucks (32926) - you deserved it (2475)

On 08/23/2011 at 10:51am - health - by monsterinlaw (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, my grandpa told me what he'd do if he was president. I sat there for 30 minutes listening to how he'd get rid of prisons, send all the prisoners to a desert for 5 years and give them a gun to fight over. And then he'd surgically attach child molesters' penises to their foreheads. FML


I agree, your life sucks (33852) - you deserved it (6138)

On 08/23/2011 at 10:46am - intimacy - by Andrew (man) - United States

Today, I watched my neighbor bring his dogs into my yard to let them empty their piss-pipes and poop-chutes. He does this twice a day. I put a "cut it out" sign up. His dogs peed on the sign and knocked it down. My lawn is a landmine of dog logs and I don't know what to do, besides installing actual landmines. FML

Today, my brother told the family that if you pull on the dog's back foot then she always obeys. I later found my mom tugging on the dog's foot whispering "jump off a cliff" repeatedly. FML


I agree, your life sucks (29879) - you deserved it (2396)

On 08/20/2011 at 7:02pm - misc - by lala7 - United States

Today, while riding in the car with my mother, we got into an argument, at which point she pulled the vehicle over, took the key out of the ignition and used it to turn off the passenger airbag. She then continued driving in silence. FML


I agree, your life sucks (36779) - you deserved it (4816)

On 08/20/2011 at 2:23am - misc - by W1D0 - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was at Target deciding what chap-stick to get when an old lady violently hit me with her umbrella and kept yelling at me saying, "You are too young for this! Think twice!" FML


I agree, your life sucks (31258) - you deserved it (2676)

On 08/20/2011 at 12:44am - misc - by anonymous22kittylicklick (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I had a cop pull me over because he claimed that he saw me taking a bunch of colorful pills at the previous stop sign. I was eating skittles. FML


I agree, your life sucks (41997) - you deserved it (3075)

On 08/17/2011 at 5:50pm - misc - by candymansvan17 - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I got my tongue pierced, then went to a pet store. A clerk came up to ask if I needed help. I showed him I already had some fish, and said, "No thanks." He must have thought I was "special," as he bent down and in a baby voice, said "You got fishy? FISHY FISHY FISHY!" while poking the bag. FML


I agree, your life sucks (27719) - you deserved it (12043)

On 08/17/2011 at 4:13am - misc - by aprilfools22 - United States (California)

Today, two Jehovah's Witnesses rang my doorbell for the 10th time. This time they asked me whether I knew Faith's greatest enemy. I replied, "Basic reasoning?" A copy of The Watchtower can really hurt when it hits you in the eye. FML


I agree, your life sucks (38141) - you deserved it (10213)

On 08/14/2011 at 7:20am - misc - by Goaway (man) - United States (Connecticut)

C comme Line's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

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FML's blog

  • The Best of the Worst #20
  • Here we are in November! Winter is here, for most of us, it's dark, grey and depressing and if you're the kind of person who watches network news 24/7, you're probably going to need some cheering up.…

Monday 30 November 2015

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