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newburton13

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newburton13

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  • Number of visits : 8786
  • Number of comments : 748
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 55 posted

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Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

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You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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newburton13's favorite FMLs

Today, I took my 16 year-old daughter to get a bank account, taking her birth certificate with us as requested. When the teller wrote her name down on a piece of paper, my daughter said "How do you know my name?" The teller just looked at her and held up her birth certificate. I raised a nitwit. FML

#17063705
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29517) - you deserved it (11308)

On 07/11/2011 at 5:25am - kids - by Mothering (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, at work, I told a lady checking out to sign her name after sliding her credit card. After she started signing her name, she threw the pen down in frustration saying that the pen was out of ink. We use electronic pin pads. FML

#17057819
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26394) - you deserved it (2373)

On 07/10/2011 at 9:13pm - work - by asianjoe (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, after spending 6 months and $15,000 on lawyer fees at my 13 year old son's request, his abusive, alcoholic father no longer has any legal right to see him. How did my son repay me? He ran away to live with his father the very first time I told him he couldn't have friends sleep over. FML

#17057009
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41492) - you deserved it (7009)

On 07/10/2011 at 8:01pm - kids - by tomcat69 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my daughter asked why there was an X marked on a telephone pole. I told her they were going to remove it. She started crying and saying, "They can't kill the tree!" She is 16. FML

#17036042
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30051) - you deserved it (6847)

On 07/09/2011 at 12:48am - misc - by anon - Australia (Victoria)

Today, a business man in his forties tackled me to the ground in an attempt to take my seat on a crowded train. When that didn't work, he called me a fat bitch and gave me the finger. The seat was given up for me because I'm seven months pregnant. FML

#17017856
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53217) - you deserved it (3097)

On 07/07/2011 at 6:52pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my wife actually had the balls to tell me that we can't have sex for the rest of her nine month pregnancy, because according to her, "I don't want twins." FML

#17004643
391 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39722) - you deserved it (10800)

On 07/06/2011 at 7:35pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my mother insisted I thoroughly water all the plants in and around my house before some people turned up. This would be fine except 90% of them are fake. She is convinced it will make them look "realer." FML

#16984836
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27029) - you deserved it (2637)

On 07/05/2011 at 10:32am - misc - by omfgfmlife - United States (Texas)

Today, my boss fired me for dating a co-worker. There's no policy forbidding it; he just thought it was unfair that I could get with the "hottest girl who works here" but he can't. I live in an at-will employment state. FML

#16960895
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28048) - you deserved it (2830)

On 07/03/2011 at 12:21pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, the driver's side window of my car was busted, and inside was a note that said, "Sorry, thought this was my car." FML

#16932864
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32238) - you deserved it (2137)

On 07/01/2011 at 4:31am - misc - by Rick - United States (California)

Today, I began to walk across the street when I saw a very familiar old lady struggle across it. I walked over to help her, and only after she had blown her rape whistle and socked me in the nuts did she realize I was her grandson. FML

#16919201
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39555) - you deserved it (3200)

On 06/30/2011 at 4:18am - misc - by John - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to tell me that he was worried our child might not be mine because he was cheating on me when I got pregnant. FML

#16912974
444 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63297) - you deserved it (6610)

On 06/29/2011 at 7:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I got asked on a date. I was later told we had to cancel. Why? My ex is parked in front of his house and he is afraid to leave. FML

#16911050
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40026) - you deserved it (3488)

On 06/29/2011 at 4:41pm - love - by nolove4me (woman) - United States (Alaska)

Today, my boyfriend of five years proposed to me in front of my entire family. He later confessed that it was part of a dare with his friends because, "There was no way you'd say yes." Guess who has to explain this to all my relatives? FML

#16882542
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39456) - you deserved it (3185)

On 06/27/2011 at 2:38pm - love - by mavstrr1764847 - United States (Colorado)

Today, my extremely in-shape boyfriend told me he hasn't had a chance to work out lately. I jokingly poked him in the belly saying he's getting chunky and winked. He burst into tears. FML

#16871149
293 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23086) - you deserved it (35831)

On 06/26/2011 at 9:08pm - health - by kaplwv116 - United States (Illinois)

Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend told me he was too busy studying for finals, but that he'd take me out another day instead. He later drunk-dialled me from a party demanding a lift back home. FML

#16838665
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38136) - you deserved it (3786)

On 06/24/2011 at 7:36pm - love - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Devon)



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