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newburton13

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newburton13

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  • Number of visits : 11996
  • Number of comments : 752
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 55 posted

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newburton13's favorite FMLs

Today, I woke up to a scream downstairs. My 13 year-old daughter was trying to bite her little brother's neck. No matter how hard I try, she will not believe that she is NOT and NEVER WILL BE a vampire. FML

#17162129
472 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38307) - you deserved it (5707)

On 07/18/2011 at 11:17am - kids - by xBubbles38 - United States

Today, in an amphitheater, someone hit the back of my head. As I turned around, the guy apologized and said he mistook me for his friend. I changed seats, and after a while, I got hit a second time. He was wrong again. FML

#17159323
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29188) - you deserved it (3382)

On 07/18/2011 at 3:09am - misc - by fthislyfe (woman) - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)

Today, we found out why we were getting notes on our door telling us to "move out or else." As my mom works for the government and we have a direct-TV dish on our roof, our neighbor thinks we were sent to listen to his phone calls and read his mind. We were here before he was. FML

#17154480
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29783) - you deserved it (2398)

On 07/17/2011 at 9:51pm - misc - by SonOfaSpy (man) - United States

Today, my husband decided that the best way to deal with me eating the last chocolate chip muffin was to give me the silent treatment. Normally, I'd just get over his childish behavior, but we're on a fifteen hour car trip back home with our one year old. FML

#17148653
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23521) - you deserved it (5156)

On 07/17/2011 at 12:00pm - misc - by twelfinity - United States (California)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She was so happy that she began flapping her hands around and screaming. She was flapping her hands so hard she smacked herself in the face and started crying. FML

#17131113
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35562) - you deserved it (5495)

On 07/16/2011 at 1:38am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She was so happy that she began flapping her hands around and screaming. She was flapping her hands so hard she smacked herself in the face and started crying. FML

#17131113
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35562) - you deserved it (5495)

On 07/16/2011 at 1:38am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, my tonsils swelled to roughly the size of golf balls. My mom refuses to take me to the hospital because she's convinced I got it from kissing someone, and until I "fess up", she's not budging. FML

#17109448
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36560) - you deserved it (2824)

On 07/14/2011 at 4:21pm - health - by Eden - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I awoke to banging at my door. It was my neighbor, accusing me of stealing her mail to spy on her, because apparently she thinks I must be some sort of secret agent. The cops don't believe me when I call, and she won't go away. FML

#17093832
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27484) - you deserved it (2411)

On 07/13/2011 at 12:26pm - misc - by MIB (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I took my 16 year-old daughter to get a bank account, taking her birth certificate with us as requested. When the teller wrote her name down on a piece of paper, my daughter said "How do you know my name?" The teller just looked at her and held up her birth certificate. I raised a nitwit. FML

#17063705
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30212) - you deserved it (11439)

On 07/11/2011 at 5:25am - kids - by Mothering (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, at work, I told a lady checking out to sign her name after sliding her credit card. After she started signing her name, she threw the pen down in frustration saying that the pen was out of ink. We use electronic pin pads. FML

#17057819
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26558) - you deserved it (2378)

On 07/10/2011 at 9:13pm - work - by asianjoe (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, after spending 6 months and $15,000 on lawyer fees at my 13 year old son's request, his abusive, alcoholic father no longer has any legal right to see him. How did my son repay me? He ran away to live with his father the very first time I told him he couldn't have friends sleep over. FML

#17057009
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42531) - you deserved it (7126)

On 07/10/2011 at 8:01pm - kids - by tomcat69 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my daughter asked why there was an X marked on a telephone pole. I told her they were going to remove it. She started crying and saying, "They can't kill the tree!" She is 16. FML

#17036042
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30838) - you deserved it (6917)

On 07/09/2011 at 12:48am - misc - by anon - Australia (Victoria)

Today, a business man in his forties tackled me to the ground in an attempt to take my seat on a crowded train. When that didn't work, he called me a fat bitch and gave me the finger. The seat was given up for me because I'm seven months pregnant. FML

#17017856
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55127) - you deserved it (3220)

On 07/07/2011 at 6:52pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my wife actually had the balls to tell me that we can't have sex for the rest of her nine month pregnancy, because according to her, "I don't want twins." FML

#17004643
392 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39933) - you deserved it (10844)

On 07/06/2011 at 7:35pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my mother insisted I thoroughly water all the plants in and around my house before some people turned up. This would be fine except 90% of them are fake. She is convinced it will make them look "realer." FML

#16984836
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27184) - you deserved it (2646)

On 07/05/2011 at 10:32am - misc - by omfgfmlife - United States (Texas)



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