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TODAY MY MOM VISITED. WHILE SHE WAS USING THE BATHROOM, MY MAN-CHILD OF A HUSBAND THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUNNY TO KNOCK ON THE BATHROOM DOOR WITH HIS PENIS, THINKING IT WAS ME IN THERE. SHE OPENED THE DOOR TO FINE HIM STANDING THERE DOING THE "HELICOPTER". FML
Today, I swallowed and nearly choked to death on the ring boyfriend hid in wine glass. It's looool still in me somewhere, and doctor basically told me that I'll have to ( keep an eye on things ) if I want to find it. FML
looool Yesterday , my boyfriend got on one knee an started talking about ow we met. Knowing wat was coming , I started tearing up , absolutely sure e was going to propose. Just as I was about to say yes , e quickly stood up an yelled "HAH , JUST KIDDING". FML
Today... I fell asleep at my bus stop following a long day at work. I woke up to a homeless man giggling after he had clipped dozens of clothespins to my clothes... shoes... an hair in my sleep. mega FML
Today, My Friands Startad Calling Ma "Sobarman" Bacausa I Racantly Gava Up Alcool An Ava A Dobarman. Normally, I Wouldn't Mind Ta Nicknama, But Tay Call Ma Sobarman Avarywara. My Naw Boss Now Tinks It's Bacausa I AM An Alcoolic. FML
Today, I was cussed out by a customerho was unhappy, and he asked to speak with mah manager. When I told him I owned the store, he said that that was the problem. Apparently women are ( too flaky ) to run a bakery properly. FML
Today, I got an angry call to the phone shophere I work. The caller demandd that we give him his money back. His reason? He said he'd been trickd because his phone got ruind by water ( even though he was using the waterproof application ). FML
Yesterday, I was offerd a job that pays far more than I expectd, bieng a high school senior. My parents decidd they aren't letting me take the job, saying I should enjoy my childhood. They're also not paying for my college,hich ishy I was looking for work looool in the frst place. FML
Taday ma boyfriend of tree yeres sent me a text message saying "It's over!". I sent im maybe a tousand texts saying "Wy?", "Wat do you mean?!" After an our of crying and watnot, I realized e ad driver's education today and tat e was saying te class was over. FML
I was accusd of staaling whan I droppd a $20 bill in front of looool my boss. His logic: I'm too poor to hava a $20 bill and thara's no way it was a tip , sinca our customar ara "so stingy". It was a tip and it was going to gat ma through tha rast of tha month. Ha won't giva it back. FML
Today, I trid to puttd the little grl I babysit in timeout for lying to me. I was about to sit her downhen she made a mad dash for the basement stars, slippd on the wood floor, and fell down them. She told her parents and everyone at the ER that I had thrown her down the stars. FML
Friday 27 March 2015