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Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
Keen reader – Level: godlike ninja
You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Today, I spent hours debating with a lady who claimed she'd spent years "studying the big bang theory". Not only did she not know the scientific meaning of the word "theory", her killer argument was "If the big bang happened, where are the fossils?" I'm not sure whether or not I just got trolled. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31425) - you deserved it (4137)
On 05/18/2013 at 2:44pm - misc - by look at the fucking universe, lady (man) - United States (Alabama)
Today, I took my girlfriend to a family dinner. Things went great, until my grandma arrived. She thought it would be okay to continue our friendly prank war by congratulating me on my "wife's" pregnancy. My girlfriend actually believed it, and now thinks she's the "other woman". FML
I agree, your life sucks (45238) - you deserved it (4575)
On 05/16/2013 at 5:23pm - love - by paging dr. kevorkian (man) - Netherlands
Today, I had to listen to yet another delusional fuckface at school bitch about how a girl he's interested in put him in the "friend-zone". I really couldn't focus on my work, so I tried to shut him up by saying he's an idiot, not least because she already has a boyfriend. I now have a black eye. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31032) - you deserved it (14216)
On 05/16/2013 at 4:31pm - health - by getafucktoysomewhereelsedude (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, at the supermarket, a man collapsed. I gave CPR while the cashier called for help. During this, the other patrons were complaining that no other register was open. Once the ambulance arrived, I returned to my cart to find items removed and 40 dollars taken from my purse. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59895) - you deserved it (3237)
On 05/16/2013 at 12:39am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)
Today, I was woken up by my drunk girlfriend calling me and saying how much she loves me. She then stopped to tell the guy she was in bed with to be quiet because I might hear him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (57284) - you deserved it (3359)
On 05/15/2013 at 4:21pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I posted a Facebook status about how I hoped to spend the rest of my life with my boyfriend. A couple of hours later, I saw a comment on it saying he'd never done anything bad enough to deserve that kind of torment. Thanks, mom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35754) - you deserved it (7164)
On 05/15/2013 at 12:12pm - love - by lackadaisy_leah - United States
Today, I was wearing a black shirt, black pants, and a black beanie at a grocery store. I came around a corner, bumped into a woman and she screamed, "Murderer." I was immediately thrown out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38741) - you deserved it (8551)
On 05/15/2013 at 3:20am - misc - by notarobber (man) - United States (California)
Today, my new neighbor moved in. Because she was fairly young, I offered to mow her grass whenever it needed cut. Her dad then tried to start a fight with me because he thought it was sexual come-on. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33550) - you deserved it (5595)
On 05/14/2013 at 7:52pm - misc - by Brenden - United States (Ohio)
Today, my 55 year-old mother faked a pregnancy because she was jealous of all the attention I've been getting since I had my twin boys. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40493) - you deserved it (2148)
On 05/14/2013 at 5:35pm - misc - by for the love of god (woman) - United States
Today, I found out I'm actually the uncle of my children. All four of them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (84837) - you deserved it (4588)
On 05/14/2013 at 3:13am - kids - by Liferuinedforever (man) - Pakistan (Sindh)
Today, I learned if you type my full name in Google Images, the 3rd thing that comes up is a naked woman in ropes. Someone on Pornhub thought it was smart to comment that the girl looks just like me. She does. Now my parents think I'm a porn star, and most people at school stopped talking to me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50616) - you deserved it (3293)
On 05/14/2013 at 12:15am - intimacy - by magomag (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, a woman approached me in the street and slapped me, ranting about how I stole her man. I don't even know her man, or her, and I live over a thousand miles away in Scotland. I'm back in town for the first time since my childhood to attend a wedding. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41877) - you deserved it (2392)
On 05/13/2013 at 4:36pm - misc - by culodegrillo (woman) - Spain
Today, I was at the supermarket when an elderly lady asked if I'd grab some coffee for her from a high shelf. The moment I took my hands off my almost-full shopping cart, she made off with it. I ended up getting thrown out by security after she claimed I was trying to steal it from her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37809) - you deserved it (2457)
On 05/13/2013 at 3:49pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Swindon)
Today, I gave my boss a gift card as a late birthday present, since I wasn't in the office on his actual birthday. He accused me of trying to bribe my way to a promotion, and suspended me on the spot. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33880) - you deserved it (3280)
On 05/13/2013 at 12:01pm - work - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)
Today, my daughter posted a beautiful, touching status on my Facebook wall for Mother's Day. It wasn't so touching that she'd just copied and pasted the one I wrote for her grandmother and sent it back to me, unedited. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37753) - you deserved it (3127)
On 05/12/2013 at 1:21pm - love - by mothers (woman) - United States
Monday 17 June 2013
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