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newburton13

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newburton13

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  • Number of visits : 8709
  • Number of comments : 748
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 55 posted

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newburton13's page activity

Visits<b>EimP</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 8:12pm<b>KimmieHappyKat</b> - the 06/05/2014 at 12:51am<b>ArmenMM</b> - the 05/28/2014 at 12:43pm<b>SurfingPichu</b> - the 05/09/2014 at 6:29am<b>PierceTheSabrina</b> - the 05/05/2014 at 9:18pm<b>Hildy93</b> - the 04/29/2014 at 2:41am<b>Federgirl</b> - the 04/28/2014 at 6:58pm<b>hi_mynaneisslec</b> - the 04/20/2014 at 3:12am<b>Rizzen</b> - the 03/24/2014 at 9:08pm<b>Fatwahhh</b> - the 03/07/2014 at 6:10pm<b>sammyjo06</b> - the 02/22/2014 at 12:27am<b>Fidge86</b> - the 02/10/2014 at 1:40pm<b>ImposterDitto</b> - the 02/06/2014 at 5:03pm<b>alexmac222</b> - the 01/19/2014 at 6:20am<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 01/16/2014 at 9:11pm<b>rocker_chick105</b> - the 01/11/2014 at 8:59am<b>sarahperez</b> - the 12/23/2013 at 12:21pm<b>Poster976</b> - the 11/15/2013 at 1:23am

newburton13's FML badges

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

Keen reader – Level: godlike ninja

You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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newburton13's favorite FMLs

Today, I received a poorly-written letter from my asshole neighbor in which he threatened to "sew" me because my dog shat on his lawn again. I went over, asked if he needed some wool for his sewing, and told him to stop being an idiot. Now he's apparently hiring a lawyer for real. FML

#20981890
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38840) - you deserved it (21581)

On 12/05/2013 at 5:26pm - misc - by possibly a sweater (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that if you accidentally step on your boss's dog's tail, yes, you can get fired. But not because you stepped on the dog's tail. You didn't say sorry. FML

#20979207
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26110) - you deserved it (37393)

On 12/03/2013 at 9:04am - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my bandmate and I decided to propose to our girlfriends, who are also in the band, at the same time in the middle of a concert. His girlfriend said yes. Mine ran off the stage crying. FML

#20978799
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49605) - you deserved it (5749)

On 12/02/2013 at 10:42pm - love - by rock'n roller (man) -

Today, my girlfriend wants to make a video of us having sex for us to watch later and figure out how to improve our skills in bed. The problem is her choice of cameraman: her uncle. FML

#20978171
203 comments

Today, after being convinced that my cat had worms due to eating so much food and still looking really skinny, I found out that my neighbor secretly lets his dog in through my pet door while I'm at work. FML

#20977142
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37989) - you deserved it (2476)

On 12/01/2013 at 3:27pm - animals - by HereKittyKitty (man) - United States (California)

Today, during a job interview, I was offered a sandwich. I politely declined, explaining that I'm a coeliac and would probably get very sick. He said coeliac disease "isn't real" and that gluten-free eating is just a fad. I had to leave when he kept pushing me to accept it. FML

#20976563
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38953) - you deserved it (3363)

On 12/01/2013 at 1:02am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She asked if the ring was a temporary thing until I got a better one, saw my dumbfounded face, then played it off as a joke and said yes. I later found out she'd posted on Facebook bitching about the ring, but with the privacy setting set to hide it from me. FML

#20975896
322 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54643) - you deserved it (4944)

On 11/30/2013 at 3:29pm - love - by fuckface? I wish (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my mother in-law made dessert. It was a beautiful chocolate cake, chocolate cookies, and every other thing had chocolate in it. I'm deathly allergic to chocolate and she knows this. FML

#20975692
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46167) - you deserved it (3225)

On 11/30/2013 at 11:09am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I was proud when I started a confrontation with my best friend's brother because he is a sexist pig who treats women like crap. Six hours later my pride was gone: I made him an after-sex sandwich. FML

#20975509
100 comments

Today, I was cleaning a pocketknife when I noticed a spider on my leg. My first reaction was to stab it. FML

#20974086
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40709) - you deserved it (41286)

On 11/28/2013 at 9:05pm - misc - by OuchImAMoron (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, with my name sounding vaguely like 'Turkey' and being in the phonebook for business purposes, people keep calling, offering to stuff me for Thanksgiving. FML

#20973255
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35832) - you deserved it (3139)

On 11/28/2013 at 1:26am - animals - by NotTellingYouMyName (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I saw my long-distance boyfriend for the first time in 8 months. He dumped me on the spot because I was "uglier" than he remembered. FML

#20972385
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59256) - you deserved it (8927)

On 11/27/2013 at 11:28am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boss's obese bully of a grandson had a seizure. Being the only physician around, I had to rush in to tend to him. Except it wasn't a seizure as such. My daughter had found my taser and used it on him. FML

#20971381
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44811) - you deserved it (4725)

On 11/26/2013 at 2:05pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my mom visited. While she was using the bathroom, my man-child of a husband thought it would be funny to knock on the bathroom door with his penis, thinking it was me in there. She opened the door to find him standing there doing the "helicopter". FML

#20969751
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55017) - you deserved it (5811)

On 11/25/2013 at 12:22am - intimacy - by LadyLola (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I swallowed and nearly choked to death on the ring my boyfriend hid in my wine glass. It's still in me somewhere, and my doctor basically told me that I'll have to "keep an eye on things" if I want to find it. FML

#20967683
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44973) - you deserved it (5354)

On 11/23/2013 at 5:32am - love - by fecal romance (woman) - United States (Arizona)



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