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newburton13

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newburton13

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  • Number of visits : 9296
  • Number of comments : 749
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 55 posted

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Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

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You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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newburton13's favorite FMLs

Today, I bought a new, expensive dress for a date. I left the tag on and hidden in hopes of returning it later. Someone saw it and ripped it off for me to "save me from embarrassment." FML

#21031476
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25337) - you deserved it (51711)

On 01/18/2014 at 3:33am - money - by unicorn_skies - United States (California)

Today, I was walking home from a horrible day at work, when some idiot emptied a trashcan on my head from his apartment balcony. He cried "Oh shit!" and apologized because I wasn't his intended target. FML

#21025526
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45768) - you deserved it (3346)

On 01/12/2014 at 12:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, like every day since my wife was prescribed antibiotics for an infection, I had to hide one of the pills inside her food, because she'd apparently rather fall seriously ill than swallow them like an adult. FML

#21022498
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41837) - you deserved it (4132)

On 01/09/2014 at 2:02pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to explain to one of my high school students that the importance of Pearl Harbor was not, in fact, because the Japanese stole the US pearl supply. FML

#21020544
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41512) - you deserved it (3584)

On 01/07/2014 at 7:00pm - work - by tpj24 - United States (Iowa)

Today, my daughter started speaking with hashtags. I told her to knock it off, to which she replied, "You don't get it, mom - hashtag white girl probs." Hashtag FML

#21016204
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51508) - you deserved it (5897)

On 01/04/2014 at 1:06am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up to every window in my house packed with snow. It was so bad that I thought I'd been snowed-in, and I started freaking out. It took two hours and multiple phone calls before I found out that my neighbor had taken our prank war too seriously and staged the whole thing. FML

#21015630
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36706) - you deserved it (11917)

On 01/03/2014 at 4:04pm - misc - by thanks.... (man) - United States

Today, my neighbor's sons decided it would be funny to throw rocks at my house. I went outside to scold them and saw my other neighbors gathered around, watching. They didn't stop them because they thought I wasn't home. FML

#21014729
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37524) - you deserved it (3296)

On 01/02/2014 at 9:24pm - misc - by Frustrated (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was T-boned at an intersection. My wife got pissed when I didn't immediately check on her, but rather the other driver. That other driver was my daughter. FML

#21012945
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54289) - you deserved it (4843)

On 01/01/2014 at 1:21pm - love - by Crashed - United States (Georgia)

Today, my 11 month-old son started viciously biting whatever part of my anatomy he can sink his teeth into. He thinks it is hysterical to latch on while I scream helplessly in pain for him to let go. FML

#21012312
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36898) - you deserved it (5728)

On 01/01/2014 at 12:38am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my 12-year-old daughter glued her left eyelid shut with fake eyelash glue. After spending 4 hours in the ER, I asked her why she did it. "I wanted to get Blake to notice me," she said. Blake is our neighbor's convict son. FML

Today, my 4-year-old daughter figured out how to set a parental code lock on our television so we can't watch football because it scares her when we scream. She won't tell us no matter what we bribe her with. FML

#21010264
307 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45018) - you deserved it (23417)

On 12/30/2013 at 7:10am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I found out that my mom isn't coming to see me for Christmas. Instead she'll be spending it in jail for a DUI and battery. Thank you to my cocklick of an aunt for taking a recovering alcoholic to a bar and pressuring her into relapse. FML

#21003791
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44149) - you deserved it (2888)

On 12/24/2013 at 3:48pm - misc - by jhulich (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, I got my period, and had to rush to my parents' bathroom for some pads. They'd put all our wrapped presents in their bathroom. As I was looking, my dad thought I was opening presents and barged in, only to see me with my pants around my ankles. Now he won't stop laughing. FML

#21003547
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39942) - you deserved it (3575)

On 12/24/2013 at 12:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, a guy punched me in the subway for staring at his girlfriend. I had dark glasses on, and was fast asleep. FML

#21002133
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42836) - you deserved it (3205)

On 12/23/2013 at 3:24am - misc - by GogglesGoggles - United States

Today, a guy punched me in the subway for staring at his girlfriend. I had dark glasses on, and was fast asleep. FML

#21002133
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42836) - you deserved it (3205)

On 12/23/2013 at 3:24am - misc - by GogglesGoggles - United States



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