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newburton13

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newburton13

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  • Number of visits : 10386
  • Number of comments : 752
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 55 posted

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newburton13's page activity

Visits<b>kelseysking</b> - the 11/15/2014 at 2:52pm<b>taintedtruffle</b> - the 10/18/2014 at 11:35pm<b>EimP</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 8:12pm<b>KimmieHappyKat</b> - the 06/05/2014 at 12:51am<b>ArmenMM</b> - the 05/28/2014 at 12:43pm<b>SurfingPichu</b> - the 05/09/2014 at 6:29am<b>PierceTheSabrina</b> - the 05/05/2014 at 9:18pm<b>Hildy93</b> - the 04/29/2014 at 2:41am<b>Federgirl</b> - the 04/28/2014 at 6:58pm<b>hi_mynaneisslec</b> - the 04/20/2014 at 3:12am<b>Rizzen</b> - the 03/24/2014 at 9:08pm<b>Fatwahhh</b> - the 03/07/2014 at 6:10pm<b>sammyjo06</b> - the 02/22/2014 at 12:27am<b>Fidge86</b> - the 02/10/2014 at 1:40pm<b>ImposterDitto</b> - the 02/06/2014 at 5:03pm<b>alexmac222</b> - the 01/19/2014 at 6:20am<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 01/16/2014 at 9:11pm<b>rocker_chick105</b> - the 01/11/2014 at 8:59am

newburton13's FML badges

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

Keen reader – Level: godlike ninja

You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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newburton13's favorite FMLs

Today, I pulled up next to a lady who was trying to text, smoke, and drive. My brother said that she was probably going to cause an accident. He was right. At the next light she hit us. She then yelled that I purposely caused the accident because, "that's how teenagers are". FML

#21129304
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46981) - you deserved it (3052)

On 05/03/2014 at 1:00am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I took my girlfriend out for lunch, and I asked her if I could have a bite of her meal. She took it to mean I was calling her fat, and stormed out. FML

#21125215
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41887) - you deserved it (4814)

On 04/28/2014 at 11:38am - love - by salad - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I realised that when I asked my girlfriend 4 months ago if was she on the pill, she thought I meant hay fever tablets. I'm going to be a father. FML

#21123315
274 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54799) - you deserved it (25517)

On 04/26/2014 at 8:28am - intimacy - by Sniffles (man) - Ireland

Today, I took my 12 year-old to the orthodontist. While I was talking to the dentist about what was needing to be done, my daughter listened. With a straight face, the dentist joked, "Yeah, we're going to need to rip off her entire jaw." My daughter won't leave her room anymore. FML

#21098025
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38453) - you deserved it (4765)

On 03/27/2014 at 8:09pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my neighbor called the police for the seventh time because he's convinced I'm a vampire. He's also gotten in the habit of leaving garlic cloves in my yard. My parents come next week. FML

#21095586
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37218) - you deserved it (2852)

On 03/24/2014 at 9:52pm - misc - by Vampprobs - United States (Michigan)

Today, an American lady here in Ireland asked me if I was a Leprechaun. Thinking she was joking, and me being quite "vertically challenged," I decided to just say yes. She then grabbed me and made me endure photographs, cuddles and pats on the head from all her fellow tourists. FML

#21082683
188 comments

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time, and I tried to be sexy by raking my nails down his back. I guess I did it a little too hard, because he shrieked in pain, leapt off me, and limped around the room cursing and whimpering. Mood ruined. FML

#21080573
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43675) - you deserved it (22931)

On 03/07/2014 at 2:47pm - intimacy - by onepussytwopussy (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, while having a sneak through my brother's browser, I found a bookmark for a Google Docs file. It was a short story involving him horrifically killing our entire family. It ended with the words: "And that is what happens when people don't respect the author's privacy." FML

#21073315
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25325) - you deserved it (55622)

On 02/27/2014 at 4:46pm - misc - by well SHIT (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I talked to my husband about his lack of interest in sex. Apparently his definition is polar to mine; his is along the lines of cuddling. Not only did I wait until marriage to have sex with this man, apparently he prefers a permanent roommate without benefits. FML

#21071417
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50078) - you deserved it (9964)

On 02/25/2014 at 5:24pm - intimacy - by OverIt (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was back home from work drinking coffee when I heard someone open the door with a key. It was my boyfriend, who obviously didn't expect to see me home. We don't live together, and I never gave him a key. FML

#21067356
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46931) - you deserved it (3752)

On 02/21/2014 at 4:59am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Russian Federation (Lipetsk)

Today, I'm stuck in a hotel with my psychotic mom, all because she swore there were "demonic" noises coming from our oven. Yeah, our oven is totally possessed, you idiot. FML

#21061598
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37675) - you deserved it (4317)

On 02/15/2014 at 3:51pm - misc - by fuck my goddamn life (man) - United States

Today, a guy called customer support, claiming his internet wasn't working. I asked for his customer details, and he gave his name as Mike Hunt. I recognized the old joke, called him an idiot, and hung up on him. It turned out that was his real name. I'm now on suspension. FML

#21060478
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26234) - you deserved it (32208)

On 02/14/2014 at 4:39pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out the real reason my boyfriend kept starting fights with me, and why my best friend kept telling me to break up with him. It was so they could turn their affair into a proper relationship, then twist it around to make me look like a bitch for dumping him. FML

#21058247
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60497) - you deserved it (4476)

On 02/12/2014 at 4:25pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, my house is on lockdown. I recently moved to Georgia from Rhode Island to be with my boyfriend. The state is on high alert for an ice storm. I'm stuck inside with my terrified boyfriend, who's calling it "the storm of the century". I used to walk to school in this weather. FML

#21058111
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47357) - you deserved it (5432)

On 02/12/2014 at 1:25pm - misc - by Stuck - United States (Georgia)



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