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  • Number of visits : 15703
  • Number of comments : 762
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 55 posted

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newburton13's page activity

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newburton13's favorite FMLs

Today, a customer kept harassing me and threatening to sue me for all I'm worth because I wouldn't give her a free refill. Her reasoning was that it's "illegal" to deny people a free refill if there's still a little drink left in the cup. FML


I agree, your life sucks (47104) - you deserved it (3707)

On 09/07/2013 at 5:43pm - work - by goshoveafuckingfrappuccinoupyourvagyoupsychocunt (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I got home from work and found my dog missing. When I asked my neighbor if she saw what happened, I saw my dog sleeping on her couch. She tried to say it was hers. FML


I agree, your life sucks (52080) - you deserved it (2865)

On 09/05/2013 at 7:02am - animals - by GotMyBitchBack - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boyfriend took me to a very elegant and expensive restaurant to celebrate our anniversary. When it came to the check, I volunteered to pitch in half, which he rejected by saying "I got it". Little did I know was that "I got it" was short for "I got your credit card". FML


I agree, your life sucks (45247) - you deserved it (3369)

On 09/05/2013 at 3:24am - misc - by IGOTIT (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my dad told me I was folding my laundry all wrong. I said with a smirk, "A little clothes-minded, are we?" He slapped me. Hard. FML


I agree, your life sucks (53064) - you deserved it (11556)

On 09/03/2013 at 2:31am - misc - by fml (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I found out that my obese son, who is on a health-mandated diet and exercise plan, gorges on junk food whenever he has the chance. His logic? "It won't make you fatter if you crap it out." FML


I agree, your life sucks (43520) - you deserved it (6559)

On 09/02/2013 at 12:16am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I resigned from my job in favor of a higher-paying one. After I filled out and filed the necessary papers, my boss told me that I had been nominated to replace him when he retired in a month. His job pays at least twice what I'm now making. Thanks for telling me, asshat. FML


I agree, your life sucks (43247) - you deserved it (15037)

On 09/01/2013 at 11:18pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, while on vacation, I called my home phone to check the messages. Someone answered. FML


I agree, your life sucks (48733) - you deserved it (2661)

On 09/01/2013 at 7:55pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my parents told me that I had been accepted into my top two colleges, but they didn't show me the letters because they were worried that if they spent money on tuition, they wouldn't be able to keep BOTH of their brand new Mercedes. FML

Today, I went skinny-dipping with my friends. At one point, I jokingly pointed out how one of them had the smallest boobs of us all. She calmly got out of the pond, dried herself, scooped up our clothes and phones, and drove off in her car. The cops she called arrived soon after. FML


I agree, your life sucks (23781) - you deserved it (69403)

On 08/31/2013 at 12:25pm - misc - by criminal tit offender - United States (Alabama)

Today, my little sister opened a lemonade stand in front of our house. Surprisingly, she actually had a lot of customers, all kids. Two hours or so later, some parents came back complaining and threatening to sue my family. Turns out that what we thought was lemonade was actually beer. FML

Today, I was fired when a customer called corporate, saying I was unprofessional and rude. The "customer" in question was my little sister, who I would not let buy beer with a fake ID. FML

Today, I was formally diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive tendencies. My mom saw this as an excuse to make me clean the whole house top to bottom, because "Hey, you love to clean." FML


I agree, your life sucks (45461) - you deserved it (3681)

On 08/26/2013 at 4:05pm - misc - by ocdistheworst (woman) - United States (California)

Today, at work, I stepped out for a few minutes to use the bathroom. Shortly after returning, I found out the hard way that one of my coworkers had used my computer to send a profanity-filled email to our boss, calling him an asshole and telling him to go fuck himself. I'm now jobless. FML


I agree, your life sucks (47463) - you deserved it (5048)

On 08/25/2013 at 5:36pm - work - by jeed(1) (man) - France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur)

Today, I was at an amusement park with my kids, when a girl in line next to us slipped a hand down her boyfriend's pants and started groping him. I politely asked her to stop, to which she snorted, "Why? Your kids've gotta learn the birds and bees somehow." FML


I agree, your life sucks (50883) - you deserved it (4412)

On 08/24/2013 at 10:46pm - kids - by pda (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my boyfriend and I were discussing sports injuries, and I mentioned that I pulled a muscle in my crotch last year. He snorted and called me a clueless idiot because according to him, "girls don't have crotches". He's a med student. I sense malpractice lawsuits in our future. FML


I agree, your life sucks (46032) - you deserved it (3620)

On 08/23/2013 at 2:21pm - misc - by fucking financial ruin (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

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  • Hi gang! It’s a day of national pride over near the FML offices. There's a time for everything, and even if the desire to piss about to release the tension is huge, we mustn’t forget that we can…

Friday 27 November 2015

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