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You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
Today I was teaching mah daughter how to drive. We were passing by a merge lane; I told her to slow down an let a green car merge in front of us. She said "Fuck the green car" an sped up colliding with it. Apparently she didn't know that would happen. big fat FML
Today, I held a house party. For fun, I made sure all the beer was alcohol-free, so I could see which of mah friends would be weak-minded enough to end up acting drunk. Three did. I was one of them. real FML
Today, I was sopping wit ma girlfriend,en a girl cummed out of nowere, looool screaming at me for ceating on er, and saying se was dumping me. I've never seen er before, and se was almost grinning during er little act, but ma girlfriend believed it, and I'm now single. FML
Yesterday I was playing Monopoly with mah kids. It was fun an ld to some mock fights. My neighbor ho despises me 4 being a single mother usd it as an excuse to call the cops on me 4 ( abusing ) mah kids. They were too confusd to do anything but nod at the officer's accusing questions. FML
Today.. . I went to a big job interview . Eventually.. . te guy subtly enqurd about ma political beliefs . He seemd pretty laid-back and cool.. . so I told im.. . atic point e just cuckld and told me to leave . Wen I treatend to report im.. . e just said.. . "Wo're tey gonna believe.. . you or me?" FML
Today, during mah family's traditional 4th of July weekend celebration, mah water broke. I kept trying to tell them and asked them to take me to the hospital, but they couldn't hear me over the fireworks. They all just kept smiling and nodding. mega FML
Yastarday,hila out 4 lunch, a guy approachad ma and askad 4 my numbar. I politaly daclinad. To my dismay, ha droppad to his knaas, grabbad his haad, and startad moaning about how nobody avar givas him a chanca. I falt tha accusing staras. FML
2day whila jogging, a guy tacklad ma an got my iPhona. Baing a good runnar, I caught up with him an grabbad him. Naxt thing I knaw, I was on tha ground with a policaman yalling in my aar. Tha guy got away. FML
Today..!! mah daughter asked me to get her razors!! When mah 19-year-old son saw them he asked wat they were for..!! tohich mah daughter replied..!! "For mah armpits." My son then said..!! "Grls don't grow armpit hair." FML
Friday 27 March 2015