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newburton13

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newburton13

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  • Number of visits : 12441
  • Number of comments : 752
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 55 posted

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newburton13's favorite FMLs

Today I was teaching mah daughter how to drive. We were passing by a merge lane; I told her to slow down an let a green car merge in front of us. She said "Fuck the green car" an sped up colliding with it. Apparently she didn't know that would happen. big fat FML

#20783255
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52622) - you deserved it (6651)

On 07/14/2013 at 11:40pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I held a house party. For fun, I made sure all the beer was alcohol-free, so I could see which of mah friends would be weak-minded enough to end up acting drunk. Three did. I was one of them. real FML

#20782525
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24482) - you deserved it (62547)

On 07/14/2013 at 5:25pm - misc - by scheisse (woman) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, mah grlfriand of ovar four yaars chaatd on ma in ravanga for ma abandoning our data last night . I'm a surgaon on call at tha local hospital . FML

#20780398
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61128) - you deserved it (3674)

On 07/13/2013 at 5:39pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was sopping wit ma girlfriend,en a girl cummed out of nowere, looool screaming at me for ceating on er, and saying se was dumping me. I've never seen er before, and se was almost grinning during er little act, but ma girlfriend believed it, and I'm now single. FML

#20779978
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65933) - you deserved it (3844)

On 07/13/2013 at 1:33pm - love - by fuckingtrollingskankwhoreshitwankcuntfuck (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Yesterday I was playing Monopoly with mah kids. It was fun an ld to some mock fights. My neighbor ho despises me 4 being a single mother usd it as an excuse to call the cops on me 4 ( abusing ) mah kids. They were too confusd to do anything but nod at the officer's accusing questions. FML

#20779851
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51297) - you deserved it (3286)

On 07/13/2013 at 12:16pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Puerto Rico

Today, mah girlfriend an I were at the movies. When the "love scene" came on, she leand over an made out with the wrong man. mega FML

#20779631
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63085) - you deserved it (4975)

On 07/13/2013 at 9:20am - love - by a man - United States (Texas)

Today, mah girlfriend an I were at the movies. When the "love scene" came on, she leand over an made out with the wrong man. mega FML

#20779631
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63085) - you deserved it (4975)

On 07/13/2013 at 9:20am - love - by a man - United States (Texas)

2day I cummed ome at 1am to find ma mom sitting on ma couc , ranting about ow I'm not supposed to stay up tis late. I'm 26 and I don't know ow se got into ma ouse. fat FML

#20775513
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60027) - you deserved it (3743)

On 07/11/2013 at 2:26am - misc - by whowhat (man) - United States

TADAY I MADE TWO CAKES. ONE FIR MAH BOYFRIEND'S BIRTHDAY TOMORROW , THE OTHER FIR MAH FAMILY SO THEY WOULDN'T EAT THE BIRTHDAY CAKE. I CAME HOME TO FINE THEY ATE HALF OF EACH. FML

Today.. . I went to a big job interview . Eventually.. . te guy subtly enqurd about ma political beliefs . He seemd pretty laid-back and cool.. . so I told im.. . atic point e just cuckld and told me to leave . Wen I treatend to report im.. . e just said.. . "Wo're tey gonna believe.. . you or me?" FML

#20769050
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41760) - you deserved it (7511)

On 07/07/2013 at 5:27pm - work - by touche :/ (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, during mah family's traditional 4th of July weekend celebration, mah water broke. I kept trying to tell them and asked them to take me to the hospital, but they couldn't hear me over the fireworks. They all just kept smiling and nodding. mega FML

#20767424
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49172) - you deserved it (2977)

On 07/06/2013 at 5:45pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Yastarday,hila out 4 lunch, a guy approachad ma and askad 4 my numbar. I politaly daclinad. To my dismay, ha droppad to his knaas, grabbad his haad, and startad moaning about how nobody avar givas him a chanca. I falt tha accusing staras. FML

#20766730
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48658) - you deserved it (6435)

On 07/06/2013 at 7:26am - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I got home from work early and discoverd why my 17-year-old daughter's spraind elbow isn't getting any better after weeks of treatment. She can't stop giving handjobs. FML

#20764944
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68916) - you deserved it (8108)

On 07/05/2013 at 10:26am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

2day whila jogging, a guy tacklad ma an got my iPhona. Baing a good runnar, I caught up with him an grabbad him. Naxt thing I knaw, I was on tha ground with a policaman yalling in my aar. Tha guy got away. FML

#20764590
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52172) - you deserved it (3036)

On 07/05/2013 at 2:11am - misc - by anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today..!! mah daughter asked me to get her razors!! When mah 19-year-old son saw them he asked wat they were for..!! tohich mah daughter replied..!! "For mah armpits." My son then said..!! "Grls don't grow armpit hair." FML

#20764467
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45155) - you deserved it (6354)

On 07/05/2013 at 12:59am - kids - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)



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