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newburton13

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newburton13

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  • Number of visits : 11780
  • Number of comments : 752
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 55 posted

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newburton13's page activity

Visits<b>kelseysking</b> - the 11/15/2014 at 2:52pm<b>taintedtruffle</b> - the 10/18/2014 at 11:35pm<b>EimP</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 8:12pm<b>KimmieHappyKat</b> - the 06/05/2014 at 12:51am<b>ArmenMM</b> - the 05/28/2014 at 12:43pm<b>SurfingPichu</b> - the 05/09/2014 at 6:29am<b>PierceTheSabrina</b> - the 05/05/2014 at 9:18pm<b>Hildy93</b> - the 04/29/2014 at 2:41am<b>Federgirl</b> - the 04/28/2014 at 6:58pm<b>hi_mynaneisslec</b> - the 04/20/2014 at 3:12am<b>Rizzen</b> - the 03/24/2014 at 9:08pm<b>Fatwahhh</b> - the 03/07/2014 at 6:10pm<b>sammyjo06</b> - the 02/22/2014 at 12:27am<b>Fidge86</b> - the 02/10/2014 at 1:40pm<b>ImposterDitto</b> - the 02/06/2014 at 5:03pm<b>alexmac222</b> - the 01/19/2014 at 6:20am<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 01/16/2014 at 9:11pm<b>rocker_chick105</b> - the 01/11/2014 at 8:59am

newburton13's FML badges

Inception

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Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

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newburton13's favorite FMLs

Today, I walked in on my brother smoking weed. He immediately tried to hide it by dropping it down his pants, still lit. Screaming in pain, he pulled down his pants. The ashes burned his knob. I had to take him to the emergency room. FML

Today, I broke into tears at work after being told my aunt had a stroke. My boss told me to "suck it up, no one is that close to their aunt." My aunt adopted me when my mother passed away. FML

Today, I got fired from my job at an age care facility because I was too nice to my residents. My boss told me "They're deaf, blind and about to jump head first into the grave. We don't pay you to be kind." FML

#20842873
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48725) - you deserved it (2712)

On 08/18/2013 at 7:43am - work - by sweet23 (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I went to a store. I was wearing a shirt that I'd bought from the very same store, and was accused of stealing. When I tried explaining, the manager said I was lying because I'm a teenager and "all teenagers are full of shit." FML

Today, I was visiting my cousin's farm. Going out for a morning stroll, I took an apple with me to munch along the way. As I was eating it, I heard a distant thumping sound and was suddenly slammed into the ground. When I looked up, a horse was eating my apple. I got mugged by a horse. FML

#20836718
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54383) - you deserved it (6182)

On 08/14/2013 at 5:11am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got a call from my son's kindergarten teacher. Apparently my son asked a girl to marry him. After she said no, he stabbed her with a fork. FML

#20829995
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59436) - you deserved it (5435)

On 08/10/2013 at 12:02am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I let a friend read a draft of the novel I'm writing. She claimed the antagonist is blatantly based on her, and threatened to sue me if I don't pay her royalties. The antagonist is an ancient, insane goblin witch. I guess I see now how this confusion could arise. FML

#20829558
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44225) - you deserved it (3170)

On 08/09/2013 at 6:53pm - work - by pardon my English :$ (woman) - France

Today, at the pool, a kid no older than 8 was sitting on the diving board, not letting anyone else use it. I went over and tried to reason with him, but he wouldn't listen. My uncle stormed over, said "I got this!" and punted him over the edge. We both got thrown out for "bullying" the kid. FML

#20827779
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46400) - you deserved it (6215)

On 08/08/2013 at 7:03pm - kids - by JuggaloSlasher15 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend was suspended from work after she was caught fucking one of her co-workers. FML

#20827542
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63353) - you deserved it (4716)

On 08/08/2013 at 4:20pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Slough)

Today, my apparently braindead and now ex-boyfriend asked me if "this period thing" is going to happen a lot, and said that if it is, "we're so done." FML

#20824199
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50508) - you deserved it (4409)

On 08/06/2013 at 5:55pm - love - by Crouching Tiger, Hidden Retard (woman) - United States

Today, I went to my boss's dinner party. My sister, who also works with me, sat across from me at the table. I felt her kick me so I kicked her back. Then I heard something start crying. It was the boss's baby crawling under the table. FML

#20823157
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54202) - you deserved it (18206)

On 08/06/2013 at 1:07am - work - by offuckingcourse - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I dislocated my shoulder. I was screaming and writhing in pain, and my eyes were shut for most of the ride to the hospital. We stopped, and I was thrilled because I thought we were at the ER. I was wrong. My dad had stopped to order a cheeseburger. FML

#20823062
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55543) - you deserved it (4325)

On 08/06/2013 at 12:11am - health - by mcdonalds - United States

Today, my boss suspended me for laughing too hard at my desk and causing a big scene in front of our customers. I was laughing because he'd forwarded me a hilarious email. He was practically smirking as he handed me my official warning. FML

#20815357
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43512) - you deserved it (4032)

On 08/01/2013 at 2:25pm - misc - by hangman (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my 18-year-old daughter texted me and told me that she got in a car crash. She texted, "I forgot wich way wus left lol" and then quickly added "yolo right? Lol". FML

#20814697
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59107) - you deserved it (10586)

On 08/01/2013 at 2:21am - kids - by father of the year - United States

Today, while taking a walk in the forest, someone approached me and asked to borrow the knife I had clipped to my pocket. I happily obliged, assuming he just needed it as a tool. Instead, he used the knife to mug me, taking my cellphone and my wallet. I was robbed with my own knife. FML



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