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newburton13

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newburton13

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  • Number of visits : 8884
  • Number of comments : 748
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 55 posted

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newburton13's FML badges

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

Keen reader – Level: godlike ninja

You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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newburton13's favorite FMLs

Today, my 7 year old brother decided that it would be fun to cut off my hair. I woke from a long nap after working the late shift, to about 15 inches of my long blonde hair all over my bed and floor. I now have bloody bald spots and really choppy hair about 3 inches long. He got away with it. FML

#6120189
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47197) - you deserved it (3030)

On 11/02/2009 at 3:04pm - misc - by baldygirl (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, it was my 17th birthday. I didn't want my family to spend money on a cake, so my dad made this delicious apple ring. At least, it was great until my mouth began to itch and my throat closed. I have been allergic to nuts since birth, and my dad put walnuts in my birthday cake. FML

#6114128
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35042) - you deserved it (2215)

On 11/02/2009 at 1:12am - health - by UnluckyJulie (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I found out that my daughter is dating my boss' daughter. I found this out because my extremely homophobic boss told me and wants me to 'heal' them or get fired. I didn't even know my daughter was gay. FML

#6101041
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24237) - you deserved it (2789)

On 11/01/2009 at 12:51pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was hit by a car speeding through an intersection after the light had already turned red. Still partly blacked out, I crawled onto the sidewalk and I sat down. The woman rolled down her car window and yelled, "Watch where you're going!" as she drove by. FML

#6067303
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36595) - you deserved it (2150)

On 10/30/2009 at 4:06am - misc - by legotron (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. When I asked why, she replied with "You don't go out anymore. All you do is lay in bed." I've had the flu for the past week. FML

#6066680
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33373) - you deserved it (2118)

On 10/30/2009 at 2:25am - love - by ZPyRoGoDz (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I work as a cashier, and Iike always I asked the customer paying credit to sign the "sheet" of paper. I recieved a dirty look from one woman who apparently talked to the manager about me, saying I had asked her to sign the "shitty" paper. I have now been warned for "derogatory language." FML

#6057251
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25962) - you deserved it (2405)

On 10/29/2009 at 4:38pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I confronted my boyfriend, suspecting that he has been cheating on me during the past few months. He vehemently denied it. Then told me it would never happen again. What? FML

#6049453
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36750) - you deserved it (2707)

On 10/29/2009 at 12:09am - love - by clueless (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I cut my finger open with a spoon. After waiting for 4 hours in the emergency room, the doctor told me I was missing too much flesh to qualify for stitches. He then called 2 other doctors in to examine it. Apparently they had a contest for patient with most ridiculous injury. I won. FML

#6036159
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33283) - you deserved it (7111)

On 10/28/2009 at 4:03am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, a man came up to me asking for my name. Thinking he was trying to hit on me, I rudely gave him a fake name. He thanked me and walked away. I continued to watch him leaving until I saw him ask another woman for her name and took out a wallet and showed it to her. It was my lost wallet. FML

#6019106
134 comments

Today, while shopping for some bananas at my local grocery store, an old woman came up to me and started rubbing my stomach. She simply asked when I was due. I am a 43 year old man with a beer belly. FML

#5978415
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33002) - you deserved it (13528)

On 10/24/2009 at 6:24pm - misc - by fmlifetime (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, this guy who likes me accused me of cutting myself. I asked him what he was talking about, and he said, "Don't lie, I saw those scars on your thighs when we went swimming." I have stretch marks on my inner thighs, and now I have to explain them to him so he doesn't think I cut myself. FML

#5940932
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32008) - you deserved it (2752)

On 10/22/2009 at 3:41am - misc - by tessykins - United States (California)

Today, some thug tried to mug me. I panicked and ran. As they chased me with their knife out, I heard a slip and a shout behind me but kept running. Six blocks later I was spotted, arrested and held for questioning by the police. The mugger fell, stabbed themselves and told a cop that I did it. FML

#5911952
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52835) - you deserved it (2381)

On 10/20/2009 at 11:57am - misc - by BobbyHutchinson (man) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I started my first day at work, I've been unemployed for a while and am in college, so naturally I have no money. At the end of my shift, I ask what we do with the extra bread, and they tell me to throw it away. Being poor and hungry, I decide to take the bread home. I got fired for stealing. FML

#5892629
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43314) - you deserved it (8887)

On 10/19/2009 at 4:46am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I told my 13 year old daughter that she was grounded from using her phone. Later on, I get an important call regarding a job that I have been after. After I'd picked up the phone, my daughter starts screaming "HELP! RAPE! HELP!" on the other phone. I don't think I'll be getting the job. FML

#5887611
257 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38638) - you deserved it (7822)

On 10/18/2009 at 10:33pm - kids - by MGZ (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I told my 13 year old daughter that she was grounded from using her phone. Later on, I get an important call regarding a job that I have been after. After I'd picked up the phone, my daughter starts screaming "HELP! RAPE! HELP!" on the other phone. I don't think I'll be getting the job. FML

#5887611
257 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38638) - you deserved it (7822)

On 10/18/2009 at 10:33pm - kids - by MGZ (woman) - United States (Georgia)



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