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newburton13

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newburton13

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  • Number of visits : 12383
  • Number of comments : 752
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 55 posted

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newburton13's favorite FMLs

Today, I applied some things I learned reading a "How to please a woman" book. My wife was in heaven until it was over, then she started crying and yelling about the only way I would learn those things is if I was having an affair. I explained but she doesn't believe me. FML

#6363732
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26146) - you deserved it (2252)

On 11/19/2009 at 12:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, a woman cursed me out, called me a perverted freak, and said I should be ashamed of myself because I had asked her "How much for one night?." She works in a toy shop, I was with my five year old daughter, and was pointing to the sign, "Rent A Helium Tank!" FML

#6354900
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41224) - you deserved it (2894)

On 11/18/2009 at 2:52pm - kids - by whatthewhat - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was the paramedic at the scene of a car accident. One lady was hurt, and we had trouble getting any information from her as she was sobbing. I radioed in the details and said "...a lady in her mid 30's, ETA 10 minutes." She stopped crying, slapped me, and said, "I'm 28." FML

#6338943
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35728) - you deserved it (3900)

On 11/17/2009 at 6:16am - work - by Paramedic (man) - United Kingdom (Rochdale)

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend whom I love dearly because he doesn't share his feelings and won't commit. Yesterday, he wrote me a long love letter telling me he wanted to marry me. One of my kids had shoved it under my printer and I didn't find it until after he had moved out. FML

#6335376
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31911) - you deserved it (9875)

On 11/16/2009 at 11:13pm - misc - by lynxstorm - United States (Illinois)

Today, I woke up to a phone call from my boss' wife. She demanded to know how long we'd been sleeping together. When I denied her allegations, she screamed that she knew all about my "history of sleeping with married men". I'm a virgin and I have to work with him tomorrow. FML

#6335196
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31738) - you deserved it (1834)

On 11/16/2009 at 11:05pm - misc - by bad_day_in_hell - United States (Montana)

Today, I had a surprise birthday party thrown in my honor. All of my friends and family had been invited, and all of the details were perfect. Who threw the party for me? My ex-girlfriend who I dumped last week for "not being thoughtful enough." FML

#6333617
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7215) - you deserved it (51697)

On 11/16/2009 at 9:40pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was shopping with my baby daughter when an older woman came up to me. She glared and said, "You know, if you kids learned how to keep your legs closed, you wouldn't be a mother at 16." I'm 25. FML

#6288438
265 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37793) - you deserved it (3562)

On 11/13/2009 at 3:26pm - kids - by notateen (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I returned home for the first time in a year, and found my entire computer missing. I asked my grandma about this, and she told me that she threw "the TV" away because it "no longer responded to the remote control." FML

#6270812
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37790) - you deserved it (2677)

On 11/12/2009 at 9:36am - misc - by missmycomp (man) - Singapore

Today, I started talking to a friend about how he needs to stop overreacting and getting angry very easily. He kicked sand up in the air, and it came back into his eyes. He started getting angry, and when I told him this is what I was talking about, he hit me in the nose. FML

#6268731
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26638) - you deserved it (6785)

On 11/12/2009 at 1:58am - misc - by angrymadman3542342 (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, everyone was telling me a girl I like wanted me to ask her on a date. I approached her, and asked if it was true. She said yes, but only because she wanted to reject me in person. FML

Today, I went on blind date with a guy because both our moms thought we'd like eachother. Things were going really well until I got up to go to the bathroom and he says: "My mom was right, you do have perfect breedin' hips!" FML

#6255110
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35960) - you deserved it (3623)

On 11/11/2009 at 7:21am - love - by Starchyld (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, at school, I got stuck in the elevator and was about to panic before I remembered I had my phone. I called my mother and she called the school to tell them that I was stuck. They got me out in a few minutes and then confiscated my phone and gave me two detentions for using it in school. FML

#6252337
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48566) - you deserved it (3025)

On 11/11/2009 at 12:16am - misc - by noexceptions (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was at a Remembrance Day service when an old widow told me I had my "grandad's" medals on the wrong side of my coat. I told her that I was an Afghanistan veteran and that they were mine. She then berated me in front of the WHOLE service for "lying". FML

#6251729
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40531) - you deserved it (2467)

On 11/10/2009 at 11:36pm - misc - by Danners88 (man) - Australia

Today, I was teaching a ten year old how to play piano. Halfway through the lesson, she made a minor mistake, which, trying to be a good tutor, I corrected her. She smiled up at me, paused, then slammed the key cover down onto my fingers. FML

#6245178
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36256) - you deserved it (3010)

On 11/10/2009 at 4:41pm - misc - by PiaNO (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my roommate's boyfriend told me he would be driving the several hours EVERY weekend to come see his girlfriend. As a couple, they are constantly all over each other, and can't seem to break out of the annoying baby talk voice. Plus, they like to kick me out of the room to do stuff. FML

#6242295
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27952) - you deserved it (5230)

On 11/10/2009 at 12:04pm - misc - by ughhhh (woman) - United States (Virginia)



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