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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I went to buy beer underage for a party to impress a girl. I picked up the case of beer and went to the cashier, he ran it through without asking for ID. I left the store with a smirk on my face, I arrived at the party and showed the case to the girl. It was non-alcoholic. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7595) - you deserved it (70498)
On 04/05/2009 at 10:22pm - love - by Triedtobecool (man) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I was on a cruise and fell asleep next to the pool. I had an intense dream that I had fallen off into the ocean. I rolled off my sun chair into the water and woke up screaming uncontrollably, I thought I was in the ocean. I was in the kiddy pool. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46438) - you deserved it (9505)
On 03/21/2009 at 8:06pm - misc - by nick (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my girlfriend was giving me head while I was watching Star Trek and I accidentally called her Spock. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41355) - you deserved it (250561)
On 03/12/2009 at 5:30am - intimacy - by Noname (man) - New Zealand (Canterbury)
Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor... and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45921) - you deserved it (82036)
On 03/11/2009 at 8:23pm - intimacy - by SpiderMan (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I tried to prove to my dad that he snores by secretly putting a tape recorder under his bed. I soon found out my parents had sex that night. Apparently, my mom likes to talk dirty. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29428) - you deserved it (76005)
On 03/11/2009 at 2:57pm - intimacy - by Zack (woman) - Israel (Tel Aviv)
Today, I went on my porch for a late night cigarette. When I opened the door and took one step inside, all I remember is a big thud. I woke up 5 minutes later with my Father over top of me saying "nice right hook, huh?" Then he chuckled. He thought I was a burgler and he knocked me out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46269) - you deserved it (7148)
On 03/11/2009 at 2:04am - misc - by Noname - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my mom walked in on me masturbating. I minimized the porn on my laptop so she wouldn't see I was watching it. It turns out I was watching an old Beatles concert before I started masturbating. My mom thought I was masturbating to the Beatles. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19933) - you deserved it (63916)
On 03/11/2009 at 12:42am - intimacy - by theassman (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I was going to a Harry Potter convention since I love the books so much. On my drive there I got lost, and it only got worse when my car broke down. Since I forgot my cell phone I decided to try and hitch a ride. I stood on the side of a road for two hours dressed like Ron Weasley. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22592) - you deserved it (46614)
On 03/07/2009 at 11:03pm - misc - by GrLifeusx (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was pushing my 4 year old on the swing. I did what we call our "under doggie push": I throw her up in the air while I run underneath her before she hits me coming back down. I walked away to get my water and she yelled across the park "Can we do it doggie-style again?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (47959) - you deserved it (14814)
On 03/07/2009 at 1:28pm - kids - by Dang-ItsDanielle (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was sitting on my 70 year old grandmothers bed with my older brother. I decided to snoop through the cabinet at the back of her bed, and I pulled out what I naively thought was a strange looking flashlight. When I twisted the bottom of it to see what would happen it started vibrating. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19193) - you deserved it (54572)
On 03/07/2009 at 2:35am - intimacy - by You Wish (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I realized that my roommate has been using my loofah to clean our toilet. I've been cleaning myself with the shit of four college boys for the last six months. FML
I agree, your life sucks (63173) - you deserved it (3515)
On 03/04/2009 at 6:38pm - misc - by arrrrggggghhhh (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I was in spanish class, having a debate about the death penalty. When I went to make a point, I meant to say "La pena de muerte", which means "The death penalty". I said, "La pene de muerte". Turns out that means, "The penis of death". FML
I agree, your life sucks (21743) - you deserved it (35720)
On 03/04/2009 at 12:42pm - misc - by Señor Guapo (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I was having sex with my wife when my 14 year old daughter from her room texts me, "Stop." FML
I agree, your life sucks (25937) - you deserved it (66154)
On 03/03/2009 at 5:28pm - intimacy - by dad (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was on my way home from a friends house. I called home ahead of time to let my parents know. My dad picked up and in a panting voice said, "Now isn't a good time, drive around the block for 15 minutes." FML
I agree, your life sucks (83391) - you deserved it (4519)
On 03/03/2009 at 11:20am - intimacy - by hlev24 (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I hit a parked car. I was walking. To make the scene more embarrassing, the car alarm shocked me and I backed up quickly into the parking meter, knocking me down once more. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33792) - you deserved it (9806)
On 03/03/2009 at 4:22am - misc - by tracelee - United States (California)
Monday 17 June 2013
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