newbieattech

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newbieattech

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 5336
  • Number of comments : 52
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

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newbieattech's page activity

Visits<b>artworkfartwork</b> - the 07/12/2015 at 1:30am<b>xman98</b> - the 07/08/2015 at 11:54am<b>GrimShade</b> - the 01/27/2015 at 5:58am<b>feedmankeynow</b> - the 04/30/2013 at 5:45pm<b>WizardJeremy</b> - the 10/02/2012 at 2:01pm<b></b> - the 03/10/2011 at 1:14am<b>moonlight_daze</b> - the 08/21/2009 at 11:06am<b>Peroxide</b> - the 08/10/2009 at 12:39am<b>spoo</b> - the 08/03/2009 at 2:03pm<b>mariokartwii</b> - the 07/24/2009 at 1:13pm<b>moutz</b> - the 07/20/2009 at 11:19am<b>nokiac_b</b> - the 06/07/2009 at 10:42pm<b>jmud</b> - the 06/07/2009 at 4:10pm<b>fgjh</b> - the 06/06/2009 at 3:30am<b>coloradodude12</b> - the 06/06/2009 at 12:25am<b>wairdt</b> - the 06/05/2009 at 11:56pm<b>tennisgirly</b> - the 06/05/2009 at 10:09pm<b>porcupunk</b> - the 06/05/2009 at 7:28am

newbieattech's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

newbieattech's favorite FMLs

Today, I was on a cruise and fell asleep next to the pool. I had an intense dream that I had fallen off into the ocean. I rolled off my sun chair into the water and woke up screaming uncontrollably, I thought I was in the ocean. I was in the kiddy pool. FML

by nick / 03/21/2009 at 8:06pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Holidays

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head while I was watching Star Trek and I accidentally called her Spock. FML

by Noname / 03/12/2009 at 5:30am / New Zealand (Canterbury) / Intimacy

Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor... and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML

by SpiderMan / 03/11/2009 at 8:23pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, I tried to prove to my dad that he snores by secretly putting a tape recorder under his bed. I soon found out my parents had sex that night. Apparently, my mom likes to talk dirty. FML

by Zack / 03/11/2009 at 2:57pm / Israel (Tel Aviv) / Intimacy

Today, I went on my porch for a late night cigarette. When I opened the door and took one step inside, all I remember is a big thud. I woke up 5 minutes later with my Father over top of me saying "nice right hook, huh?" Then he chuckled. He thought I was a burgler and he knocked me out. FML

by Noname / 03/11/2009 at 2:04am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom walked in on me masturbating. I minimized the porn on my laptop so she wouldn't see I was watching it. It turns out I was watching an old Beatles concert before I started masturbating. My mom thought I was masturbating to the Beatles. FML

by theassman / 03/11/2009 at 12:42am / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy

Today, I was going to a Harry Potter convention since I love the books so much. On my drive there I got lost, and it only got worse when my car broke down. Since I forgot my cell phone I decided to try and hitch a ride. I stood on the side of a road for two hours dressed like Ron Weasley. FML

by GrLifeusx / 03/07/2009 at 11:03pm / United States (New York) / Transportation

Today, I was pushing my 4 year old on the swing. I did what we call our "under doggie push": I throw her up in the air while I run underneath her before she hits me coming back down. I walked away to get my water and she yelled across the park "Can we do it doggie-style again?" FML

by Dang-ItsDanielle / 03/07/2009 at 1:28pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I was sitting on my 70 year old grandmothers bed with my older brother. I decided to snoop through the cabinet at the back of her bed, and I pulled out what I naively thought was a strange looking flashlight. When I twisted the bottom of it to see what would happen it started vibrating. FML

by You Wish / 03/07/2009 at 2:35am / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

Today, I realized that my roommate has been using my loofah to clean our toilet. I've been cleaning myself with the shit of four college boys for the last six months. FML

by arrrrggggghhhh / 03/04/2009 at 6:38pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was in spanish class, having a debate about the death penalty. When I went to make a point, I meant to say "La pena de muerte", which means "The death penalty". I said, "La pene de muerte". Turns out that means, "The penis of death". FML

by Señor Guapo / 03/04/2009 at 12:42pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was having sex with my wife when my 14 year old daughter from her room texts me, "Stop." FML

by dad / 03/03/2009 at 5:28pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, I was on my way home from a friends house. I called home ahead of time to let my parents know. My dad picked up and in a panting voice said, "Now isn't a good time, drive around the block for 15 minutes." FML

by hlev24 / 03/03/2009 at 11:20am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, I hit a parked car. I was walking. To make the scene more embarrassing, the car alarm shocked me and I backed up quickly into the parking meter, knocking me down once more. FML

by tracelee / 03/03/2009 at 4:22am / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, I was sitting in traffic for about an hour. I've heard stories about people doing the dirty in their cars and I never do anything risky so I thought, why not, I'll be here a while, no one can see me: I'll masturbate. Midway through I hear a tap on my driver's window. Its a police officer. FML

by imanidiot / 03/03/2009 at 1:29am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy