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Today, a very good platonic friend of mine said he had a question to ask me. Jokingly, I threw my arms around his neck and said 'Oh yes, yes, a thousand times yes!' When I sat back down, I saw tears in his eyes, and he said 'You've made me the happiest man alive' as he pulled a small box out of his coat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14955) - you totally deserved it (58248)
On 08/06/2009 at 5:25pm - love - by dundundadumb (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, my boyfriend and I took a late night drive, and after a while he stopped at a gas station and asked if I wanted anything I replied "guess". He came out and gave me a box of tampons. Apparently I've been bitchy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8557) - you totally deserved it (39136)
On 06/22/2009 at 3:47am - misc - by tamp (woman) - United States (Montana)
Today, I was helping a couple come up with a name for the baby they just had. I suggested "Joshua" thinking that it was an okay name. All sudden, the room got quiet. Turns out I had forgotten that Joshua was the name of their 3 year old son who had died a couple months before. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21982) - you totally deserved it (52821)
On 06/11/2009 at 10:17am - misc - by 8reth72 (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I really get off on hearing her say my name so I was imagining her doing so more often than she actually was. I then proceeded to call out my own name by accident. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17804) - you totally deserved it (67000)
On 05/07/2009 at 10:45am - intimacy - by eeh (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today I was taking a piss at the urinal when a fly started buzzing around my head. It started getting all in my face so I tried to swat it away. After about 10 seconds of intense swatting at it I looked down to find I had pissed all over my shoes and down the front of my trousers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9095) - you totally deserved it (38419)
On 05/06/2009 at 10:07am - misc - by pissedoffandon (man) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I was eating a hamburger on the street when a pigeon came down to take a bite. I ran and got 30 birds or so chasing me. My legs were burning, half of my burger was gone, and an entire office building was laughing at me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39619) - you totally deserved it (5647)
On 04/22/2009 at 6:40am - misc - by fencernick (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was walking through the park eating fries. There was an old woman feeding a few pigeons. They didn't seem too interested, so I threw some fries down as I walked by to try and help her out. About 2 minutes later, I heard screaming. A huge group of pigeons were attacking the old woman. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39062) - you totally deserved it (11779)
On 04/14/2009 at 10:07am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend of 5 years getting intimate with my best friend. When they saw me they immediately stopped and said nothing. After about 5 seconds of silence my boyfriend yells "April fools!!" April Fools was 12 days ago. FML
I agree, your life sucks (71196) - you totally deserved it (2521)
On 04/12/2009 at 6:47am - misc - by Aprilfools (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for awhile, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML
I agree, your life sucks (158817) - you totally deserved it (10778)
On 04/06/2009 at 3:39pm - intimacy - by creepermagnet (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I tasted the rainbow. By that, I mean a homeless man hit me in the face with a bag of Skittles for not giving him money. FML
I agree, your life sucks (69286) - you totally deserved it (8883)
On 04/03/2009 at 5:43am - money - by rovery (man) - United States (California)
Today, I finally convinced my husband of 8 years to partake in a threesome with a guy that works with me and for which I have developed feelings. Everything was going well until in the heat of the moment my husband started performing oral sex on my colleague. I can't face either of them now. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27059) - you totally deserved it (205521)
On 04/02/2009 at 3:39am - intimacy - by Guilt (woman) - South Africa (Western Cape)
Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML
I agree, your life sucks (107204) - you totally deserved it (27561)
On 04/02/2009 at 1:13am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, while walking to class enjoying the warmer weather, a bee flew down my shirt. I'm allergic to bees so I freaked out and started ripping my clothes off. By the time I was done, I was half naked and there was no bee in sight. Turns out, it was the string on my jacket hood. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40070) - you totally deserved it (21273)
On 03/31/2009 at 2:45pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, while at the Golden Gate Bridge, I spotted a large group of Asians trying to take a picture. Trying to be a diplomat, I slowly say "You... want me... take picture?" while using hand motions. The man looks at me and says "No thanks asshole, I got it," in plain English. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14219) - you totally deserved it (183677)
On 03/26/2009 at 3:19am - misc - by Tourist (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was shaving off my beard for the first time in a very long time. I decided to have a little fun with it, and shaved my beard first into a goatee, then a handle-bar, then, finally, into a Hitler mustache. My electric razor dies. I don't have a normal one or an extra battery. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23093) - you totally deserved it (54958)
On 03/25/2009 at 10:13am - misc - by nomorebeard (man) - United States (North Carolina)
