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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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neonoodle

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neonoodle
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 65633
  • Number of comments : 194
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

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neonoodle's favorite FMLs

Today, a very good platonic friend of mine said he had a question to ask me. Jokingly, I threw my arms around his neck and said 'Oh yes, yes, a thousand times yes!' When I sat back down, I saw tears in his eyes, and he said 'You've made me the happiest man alive' as he pulled a small box out of his coat. FML

#4340185 (358)

I agree, your life sucks (18892) - you deserved it (69767)

On 08/06/2009 at 5:25pm - love - by dundundadumb (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend and I took a late night drive, and after a while he stopped at a gas station and asked if I wanted anything I replied "guess". He came out and gave me a box of tampons. Apparently I've been bitchy. FML

#3112345 (231)

I agree, your life sucks (11077) - you deserved it (46674)

On 06/22/2009 at 3:47am - misc - by tamp (woman) - United States (Montana)

Today, I was helping a couple come up with a name for the baby they just had. I suggested "Joshua" thinking that it was an okay name. All sudden, the room got quiet. Turns out I had forgotten that Joshua was the name of their 3 year old son who had died a couple months before. FML

#2798038 (224)

I agree, your life sucks (25122) - you deserved it (58410)

On 06/11/2009 at 10:17am - misc - by 8reth72 (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I really get off on hearing her say my name so I was imagining her doing so more often than she actually was. I then called out my own name by accident. FML

#1714855 (244)

I agree, your life sucks (21071) - you deserved it (73913)

On 05/07/2009 at 10:45am - intimacy - by eeh (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was taking a piss at the urinal when a fly started buzzing around my head. It started getting in my face, so I tried to swat it away. After about 10 seconds of intense swatting, I looked down to find I had pissed all over my shoes and down the front of my trousers. FML

#1687586 (89)

I agree, your life sucks (10255) - you deserved it (42221)

On 05/06/2009 at 10:07am - animals - by pissedoffandon (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was eating a hamburger on the street when a pigeon came down to take a bite. I ran and got 30 birds or so chasing me. My legs were burning, half of my burger was gone, and an entire office building was laughing at me. FML

#1216393 (132)

I agree, your life sucks (43476) - you deserved it (6426)

On 04/22/2009 at 6:40am - animals - by fencernick (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was walking through the park eating fries. There was an old woman feeding a few pigeons. They didn't seem too interested, so I threw some fries down as I walked by to try and help her out. About 2 minutes later, I heard screaming. A huge group of pigeons were attacking the old woman. FML

#966989 (146)

I agree, your life sucks (43121) - you deserved it (13377)

On 04/14/2009 at 10:07am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend of 5 years getting intimate with my best friend. When they saw me they immediately stopped and said nothing. After about 5 seconds of silence my boyfriend yells "April fools!!" April Fools was 12 days ago. FML

#923154 (191)

I agree, your life sucks (94866) - you deserved it (4116)

On 04/12/2009 at 6:47am - misc - by Aprilfools (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for awhile, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML

#836792 (843)

I agree, your life sucks (228667) - you deserved it (19498)

On 04/06/2009 at 3:39pm - intimacy - by creepermagnet (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML

#761206 (480)

I agree, your life sucks (167934) - you deserved it (51051)

On 04/02/2009 at 1:13am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, while walking to class enjoying the warmer weather, a bee flew down my shirt. I'm allergic to bees so I freaked out and started ripping my clothes off. By the time I was done, I was half naked and there was no bee in sight. Turns out, it was the string on my jacket hood. FML

#724794 (150)

I agree, your life sucks (43656) - you deserved it (23585)

On 03/31/2009 at 2:45pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, while at the Golden Gate Bridge, I spotted a large group of Asians trying to take a picture. Trying to be a diplomat, I slowly say "You... want me... take picture?" while using hand motions. The man looks at me and says "No thanks asshole, I got it," in plain English. FML

#618013 (863)

I agree, your life sucks (43444) - you deserved it (360975)

On 03/26/2009 at 3:19am - misc - by Tourist (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was shaving off my beard for the first time in a very long time. I decided to have a little fun with it, and shaved my beard first into a goatee, then a handle-bar, then, finally, into a Hitler mustache. My electric razor dies. I don't have a normal one or an extra battery. FML

#597085 (122)

I agree, your life sucks (29090) - you deserved it (63582)

On 03/25/2009 at 10:13am - misc - by nomorebeard (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I fell asleep in class. As a joke, my professor used an airhorn to wake me up. I got so freaked out that I punched the girl next to me in the face. She got knocked out. FML

#553935 (201)

I agree, your life sucks (68304) - you deserved it (22844)

On 03/23/2009 at 3:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, after sex with my girlfriend, I thought it would be sexy to wear her underwear until we saw each other again. I found a pair in her bathroom, but they definitely weren't her sexy ones. Her mom walked in on me to collect the laundry and screeched "What are you doing with my panties!" FML

#483227 (185)

I agree, your life sucks (10646) - you deserved it (72003)

On 03/20/2009 at 1:37am - intimacy - by HughGorgy (man) - Canada (British Columbia)