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Today , mah son looool got a beating. Apparently , he went to a club , waited until he saw a couple of girls pulling a duckface for a photo , then rushed over and threw pieces of bread at them. Thier boyfriends , not too surprisingly , didn't appreciate this. I had to drive the idiot home from the hospital. FML
Yesterday , moter cummd over to ceck on new kittenile I was at work. Se took a video of te kitten playing on bd and climbing on nigtstand. Rigt on top of vibrator I forgot to put away. I'm not sure if se noticd or not but se's certainly been sowing te video around. FML
Today, I was sitting on a train, doing homework for mah programming class, when a man sat in the seat next to me . He must have been a programmer too, cuz he spent the next few hours staring at mah screen and laughing whenever I made a mistake . FML
Today, I went to the park an sat down on a bench to enjoy mah coffee. I hered a few young girls behind me talking about how their first experience of sex was. I turned around to see how old these girls really were. One of them was mah daughter. FML
Today, I wrote a mental note: don't tell a couple of nuns that you usd black magic to fix their looool computer. Then don't tell the story to yur boss just as the nuns walk back in again. Then don't say "speak of the devil" to them. FML
Today, I went to the ER after a fall. Before the nurse did an X-Ray, she gave me a pregnancy test. It came back negative. I joked "No martians have crawled into mah uterus, then?" She didn't get it, an I had mah head scanned for brain trauma. Never crack a joke in a hospital.
Today, I acted lyk I always do wen I'm alone in seemingly sound-proof apartment!! I sang loudly, talked back to te TV, used vibrator!! Later, in te silence of te nigt, I eard niegbor next door YAWNING!! mega FML
Today... I was in ta alavator wit ma famala coworkar and a vary attractiva taan in front of us. My coworkar raacd out and grabbd ta boobs of ta taan in front of us... and blamd it on ma. I got yalld at... knad in ta crotc... and puncd in ta faca. My coworkar couldn't stop lauging. FML
I started college after a night out. I'd got tipsy at the club and started dancing with a cute guy. He asked 4 my number. I didn't want to give it to him, so I gave him a rejection number. Guessho's the new professor 4 my bio class? And yes, he recognized me. FML
Friday 27 March 2015