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nelesia

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nelesia
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  • Number of visits : 120
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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nelesia's favorite FMLs

Today, we finally got wireless Internet. My mom won't let us open any doors or windows in fear that it might "let the Internet out". It's 103 degrees in here. FML

#16464662
342 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52828) - you deserved it (4073)

On 06/02/2011 at 5:45am - health - by meyo555 - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I had to give a reference for a former employee. I tried to say he was always willing to give us a hand on the job. Instead, I said he was always willing to give us hand-jobs. FML

#16448858
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13235) - you deserved it (20299)

On 06/01/2011 at 8:35am - intimacy - by Username - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I were taking a shower together. We were fooling around when she takes the shower head and starts spraying my penis with it. I asked her "what are you doing?" Her response: "I'm watering it to make it grow." FML

#16399874
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53270) - you deserved it (9957)

On 05/29/2011 at 10:04am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up to a mosquito feeding on my morning wood; probably the only thing that will ever suck my penis. FML

#16277810
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52234) - you deserved it (7877)

On 05/21/2011 at 5:07am - intimacy - by no one - United States (Alaska)

Today, I had my new girlfriend over for dinner. Halfway through the meal, my dad started poking her with his fork. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he barked back, "Just making sure she isn't a blow-up doll!" FML

#16271302
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37869) - you deserved it (3941)

On 05/20/2011 at 7:30pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I finished working a 70 hour work week. I'm a lineman for the electric company, and worked extended hours all week getting people's lights back on after a wind storm. When I got home, my power was out. FML

#16032358
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35860) - you deserved it (2608)

On 05/03/2011 at 1:58pm - work - by LightsOut - United States

Today, while being robbed, a man heroically chased down the robber and got my purse back. He then looked at the distance between us, turned the other way and ran off with it. FML

#15974140
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42484) - you deserved it (3197)

On 04/29/2011 at 2:29am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was out shopping. It was fine until my dental crossbow broke as I was laughing. The springs locked, and I couldn't close my mouth. The orthodontist couldn't see me for two hours, leaving me to walk around town with my mouth hanging open like a psychopath. FML

Today, I found out the hard way that I'm the "lucky" type of woman who can experience intense orgasms in certain positions: in the middle of group yoga. FML

#15896670
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41004) - you deserved it (6672)

On 04/23/2011 at 10:55am - intimacy - by nightDREAMERms (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I picked up on a telemarketer and started speaking in Portuguese. It turns out that this particular telemarketer spoke it as well. Every time I hung up, he called back. Telemarketers get really excited when they find out someone else speaks their language. FML

#15853054
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26885) - you deserved it (9079)

On 04/19/2011 at 11:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend compared my penis to an ewok from Star Wars. She says it's short, stubby, and fuzzy. Now she sings the Star Wars theme when we hang out. FML

#15817034
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40473) - you deserved it (7980)

On 04/17/2011 at 1:56am - intimacy - by rastafarimon (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I freaked out when the remote wouldn't unlock my car. I stood in the rain trying to open the door. Unsure of what to do next, I called my boyfriend. He told me to "put the key in the door". I had forgotten about that option. FML

#15772637
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7236) - you deserved it (56371)

On 04/13/2011 at 5:44pm - misc - by andimanastudent (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my dad set my hair on fire while cooking. He then tried to convince me that it spontaneously combusted. FML

#15748072
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24541) - you deserved it (2252)

On 04/11/2011 at 11:07pm - health - by ILiveWithMorons (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I finally found a reason to quit smoking. I threw my cigarette butt out the window and it blew back in, went down the back of my pants, and burnt my butt in 3 different places. FML

#15693395
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10880) - you deserved it (47091)

On 04/08/2011 at 11:30am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my 3 year old daughter decided to put black nail polish over the webcam lens on my laptop because "It wasn't all black, so I decided to fix it." FML

#15650612
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28802) - you deserved it (5215)

On 04/05/2011 at 12:48pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)



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