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Submit your FML story

  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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ndawgg

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ndawgg
  • Town/Country : Marblehead, MA, USA
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 3 October 1994 (17 years)
  • Number of visits : 8526
  • Number of comments : 84
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

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ndawgg's favorite FMLs

Today, I had to explain to my 18-year-old daughter why she can't pull a duck face pose for her driver's license. She still doesn't believe me. FML

#18982251 (226)

I agree, your life sucks (8233) - you deserved it (1039)

On 02/03/2012 at 2:58am - kids - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I was masturbating while chewing gum. Halfway into the session, the gum flew down my throat, causing me to violently choke. My mom had to rush in and help me while I still had my pants around my ankles. FML

#17706134 (198)

I agree, your life sucks (4273) - you deserved it (13675)

On 09/09/2011 at 7:22pm - intimacy - by omfgnooo (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I needed to pay off a $35 parking ticket. To try and get some sort of revenge, I went to the bank and got 3,500 pennies, dumped them into a bucket, and refused to pay with anything besides the pennies. They called the police. I was arrested and cited $147. FML

#17701146 (362)

I agree, your life sucks (13285) - you deserved it (27940)

On 09/09/2011 at 12:04am - money - by not_you17 - United States (Georgia)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was giving a talk in class, when halfway through someone pointed out that my pubes were sticking out my trousers. FML

#17690152 (165)

I agree, your life sucks (8685) - you deserved it (3802)

On 09/07/2011 at 6:14pm - work - by Sammylad - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I asked my two children why they smelled like pee after we had gotten lunch at McDonald's. They told me that they were playing in the puddles in the play-place. FML

#17557352 (201)

I agree, your life sucks (26194) - you deserved it (2861)

On 08/23/2011 at 11:55am - kids - by Username - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, a hooker refused my custom. According to her, "Even whores have standards." FML

#17548776 (289)

I agree, your life sucks (15160) - you deserved it (27564)

On 08/22/2011 at 3:35pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out that instead of being stationed in Afghanistan, my husband of 9 years has been "stationed" at his other girlfriend's house. FML

#17526704 (308)

I agree, your life sucks (19422) - you deserved it (936)

On 08/20/2011 at 3:26am - love - by AlwaysGottaFML - United States (North Carolina)

Today, while riding in the car with my mother, we got into an argument, at which point she pulled the vehicle over, took the key out of the ignition and used it to turn off the passenger airbag. She then continued driving in silence. FML

#17526290 (123)

I agree, your life sucks (10876) - you deserved it (1250)

On 08/20/2011 at 2:23am - misc - by W1D0 - United States (Illinois)

Today, I discovered that my new college roommate not only makes casual conversation about his bowel movements, he also names them. FML

#17512711 (183)

I agree, your life sucks (7712) - you deserved it (718)

On 08/18/2011 at 7:44pm - misc - by Bill - United States

Today, while walking on the sidewalk, someone hit me with their car. They yelled at me for being in their way. FML

#17426296 (188)

I agree, your life sucks (24723) - you deserved it (2035)

On 08/10/2011 at 3:22am - misc - by TheKunitzShow14 - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my wife heard that wifi could be harmful for our newborn baby's undeveloped brain box. Her solution was to switch the wifi off on our laptops. She won't listen to the flaw in her plan. FML

#17411928 (239)

I agree, your life sucks (8143) - you deserved it (866)

On 08/08/2011 at 10:01pm - health - by anonymous - United States

Today, a fight broke out in a bar between several people, over some talk about one of their moms being somewhat inclined towards intercourse with her pets. I managed to slip out quietly with just a scratch from flying chair debris, despite having started the rumor. FML

#17376503 (43)

I agree, your life sucks (4832) - you deserved it (39382)

On 08/05/2011 at 10:05am - intimacy - by Username - United States

Today, I was taking a dump behind a dumpster. I suddenly heard a noise and a vibration against the dumpster. It was a garbage truck lifting it to collect the trash. The garbage men started laughing and took out their phones. FML

#17365713 (369)

I agree, your life sucks (2819) - you deserved it (20816)

On 08/04/2011 at 10:35am - misc - by jshi8 - United States (Maryland)

Today, my daughter wouldn't stop yapping on about not being able to register on the new Harry Potter website. The amount of whiny jibber-jabber emanating from her cake-hole made me want to boot her from our family tree, and I had to resort to booze to wash the pain away. I'm a terrible parent. FML

#17365411 (465)

I agree, your life sucks (9919) - you deserved it (38113)

On 08/04/2011 at 9:41am - kids - by makeitstop (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I arrived in Africa to start my new job. I agreed to come to a city with little to no electricity, and poor water for triple the money I was making in Canada. I just realized my boss and I negotiated in two completely different currencies, and I'm now making half of what I used to. FML

#17364992 (174)

I agree, your life sucks (7767) - you deserved it (9959)

On 08/04/2011 at 7:45am - work - by Depressed (woman) - Sudan