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naymyers1217's FML badges
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.
naymyers1217's favorite FMLs
Today, I was using a public toilet, when someone in the next stall reached under, grabbed at my low-hanging toilet paper and pulled at it at an insane speed, whispering some kind of weird chant. Then he suddenly stopped, screamed, and ran out. What the hell happened in there? FML
by Anonymous / 06/13/2013 at 12:01pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. She pulled down my trousers, saw my Poke-ball boxers, and absolutely lost it. I had to lie next to her in bed for the next 10 minutes hearing her howl with laughter while crying "Dickachu, I choose you!" FML
by Anonymous / 06/07/2013 at 3:10am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
Today, a woman at work was complaining about her weight. She looked pretty thin, so to make her feel better, I said that she looked small. She said "Well, you haven't seen me naked." For some reason, I replied, "Not that you know of." FML
by Anonymous / 12/24/2012 at 1:37am / United States (North Carolina) / Work
by poserpilot / 11/12/2012 at 10:10am / United States (California) / Health
by shorty4 / 07/13/2012 at 10:36am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
by winnerwinner / 05/02/2012 at 11:46am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I made a new friend. He seemed pretty cool, until we came to the topic of religion and the ancient alien theory. I'm seemingly now friends with a guy who thinks alien Jesus raped an Earth woman, and we're the resulting cross-breed. FML
by blueglover / 03/27/2012 at 3:40am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by daddy-o / 03/14/2012 at 3:51am / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous
by SocialAnxietyNightmare / 02/09/2012 at 11:42am / United Kingdom (London) / Health
by DoggyBlues / 11/28/2011 at 8:50pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, my five year old ran down the street wearing nothing but flip flops, Star Wars underwear, and a baseball helmet. He was swinging a badminton racket while screaming "THIS IS SPARTA!" My neighbors watched laughing as I had to run after him down the street in my pajamas. FML
by awesomekidsmum / 09/17/2011 at 9:20pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
by May / 09/04/2011 at 12:08am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, my husband went in for surgery and handed me an important document. It wasn't a will or anything similar, but a list of items and gold he wanted passed on to guild members on World of Warcraft. FML
by WoWWidow / 09/02/2011 at 4:02am / United States (California) / Health
Today, my dad told me I'm no longer allowed to see my boyfriend. Apparently there is a deer camera above my driveway that snaps pictures whenever it senses movement. Too bad I didn't know that when I was giving my boyfriend head in the driveway. FML
by Username / 08/31/2011 at 3:36am / United States / Intimacy
by Taylor / 07/30/2011 at 1:14am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
- Today, I was in church. After we were done praying, I quickly sat back down, accidentally crushing… Today, I sneezed seven times in a row. That's the closest thing I've had to an orgasm in months. FML Today, the office I work at put up a "No Masturbating at Desks" sign. I'm disappointed by this, not…
- Today, I’m in Thailand and I met a monk. The conversation was so deep and interesting that, without… Today, I live in Romania and my walls are particularly thin. After enduring my neighbor’s parties,… Today, I truly understood that I was in Germany when, in my workplace, during our lunch break, one…