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TODAY, I GOT INTO A HUGE FIGHT WITH MAH BOYFRIEND. I CALLED HIM AN STARTED YELLING AT HIM OVER THE PHONE. HE TOLD ME THAT IF I WANTED TO END THE RELATIONSHIP I SHOULD JUST HANG UP THE PHONE RIGHT THEN. BEFORE I COULD SAY I STILL LOVE HIM AN DON'T WANT TO BREAK UP, MAH PHONE BATTERY DIED. FML
Today, mah football club gave us all jerseys with our last names on them. My last name is 'Flicker'. The letters are all in uppercase. And the 'L' and the 'I' are joined together at the bottom. My jersey reads 'FUCKER'. FML
Today , I took a call. Wrong number. A few seconds later , tey called back an I told er tat se ad te wrong number. Se said se just it redial an didn't understand ow se got me again. I tried to explain ow redial works. Se called me a moron an ung up. Ten my pone rang again. FML
Today, my family was preparing a turkey fir my grandma's birthday dinner when my aunt noticed a utensil on the counter and asked wat it was for . My mom said it was used to keep the turkey's legs together . My aunt responded to her by saying, "Maybe u should get one fir yur daughter." mega FML
Today, I had first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves. So I grabbed a brownie that roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into interview I was so stoned I couldn't speak. mega FML
Today I Went To The Doctor For A Checkup. The Doctor Went Through The Normal Questions Then Pausd For A Moment And Jottd Something Down. Later When I Got Back Mah Report From The Checkup I Noticd That The Doctor Had Checkd The "no" Box By "sexually Active." She Didn't Even Ask Me That. FML
Today , I was working as a swim instructor 4 kids. Teaching them not to be afraid of the water , I puttd mah face in the water and blew bubbles. I askd them to try it. All of them did , except 4 one. I went right to him and blew bubbles again. He then said looool to me , ( but I just ped in that water. ) mega FML
Today, mah fiancé's parents visitd. I keep chickens 4 there eggs, and his parents own a farm, so we had a connection. They told us to leave the house while they cookd us dinner. When we returnd, we facd two steaming plates of chicken. My chickens. They had names. FML
Today, I went on a date wit a guy for te first time . We went to Starbucks and got coffee . We talked for aile, and we were joking and aving a good time . Suddenly, e putted is and on my stomac and said, "Soon, tis will be plump wit my seed." FML
Today, I got on an elevator wit a woman and er cild. I was te first one on. Wen se stepped on, te capacity alarm went off. As se left se told er daugter tat's y fat people souldn't be allowed in public. I'm 145 lbs. Se was twice ma size. I got called fat by a ippopotamus. FML
Yesterday , I Was Mowing The Lawn Of My Brand New House , Located In A Very Nice Neighborhood (I Am A Hispanic Male) , An A Lady In Her Nice White Cadillac Drove Up An Asked Me , In Extremely Broken Spanish , If I Could Mow Her Lawn Too. FML
Today, I found a bell that had been tied into the tassel of mah ski hat by mah twin sister as part of a longstanding prank war between us. I'm deaf an have apparently been jingling like an elf for over a week. FML
Friday 27 March 2015