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nachoriffic's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 10/04/2010 at 8:47pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
by uselessdad / 09/07/2010 at 7:48pm / Singapore / Kids
Today, my mother continued her lifelong habit of talking to anyone who isn't white in extremely slow, exaggerated "caveman" English. She insists that she isn't being racist, but rather is helping. FML
by notmuchfun / 07/20/2010 at 5:17pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
by Betchsadface / 07/13/2010 at 12:34am / United States / Animals
Today, I lost my phone. I tried to call it using my husband's phone, but couldn't figure out which of the three Kates in the contact list was me. Turns out, two are co-workers and one is his aunt. I was listed under Satan. FML
by Satan / 03/15/2010 at 7:22pm / United States (Washington) / Love
by Anonymous / 01/29/2010 at 2:25am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, at a bar, a woman approched me and tried to set me up with her friend. Looking around, the only people in the bar were a man reading the paper and a very ugly woman, looking at me and smiling. I worriedly replied, "I'm sorry, but I'm gay." Turns out her friend was the one reading the paper. FML
by awkward23 / 01/12/2010 at 5:26am / United States (Washington) / Love
Today, I went to the DMV to renew my license. When I gave the woman behind the desk my name and social security number she looked confused. She then called over her manager, who did the same thing. Getting nervous, I asked what was wrong. Apparently according to the state of Illinois I'm dead. FML
by driver / 01/06/2010 at 9:55am / United States (Illinois) / Transportation
Today, I came home from a year long backpacking trip in Europe. During my absence my parents divorced, dad took the house and most of the money, sister is seven months pregnant, brother was arrested for statutory rape, and my mom pawned all my stuff to buy booze to "cope." Oh, and my fish died. FML
by Anonymous / 12/28/2009 at 7:08am / United States (Washington) / Holidays
by Unsatisfied / 12/16/2009 at 1:15am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, someone at work was bragging that their son was high school valedictorian and offered a full college scholarship. 7 years ago, I was also valedictorian and got that same scholarship. All I said was, "Congratulations. Did you want fries with that?" and continued taking their order. FML
by John / 11/07/2009 at 11:04am / United States (District of Columbia) / Work
by Anon / 11/06/2009 at 7:32pm / United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire) / Miscellaneous
Today, my parents decided to visit me. When I first got my apartment I gave them a key "just in case" and today they used this key to enter when I didn't answer their knocking. I didn't answer because I was having sex with my boyfriend. My parents saw everything. They didn't know I was gay. FML
by gorgeousrenthead / 08/10/2009 at 7:41pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
by redbluegreen / 08/09/2009 at 5:26am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
Today, at the airport, my mom began talking about how useless the war in Iraq was, and how dumb the soldiers that serve there were for enlisting during the war. The soldier at the vending machine near us caught my eye. I mouthed, "Sorry" and he mouthed, slowly, "You fuckin' better be." FML
by ILuvYouSoldiers / 06/26/2009 at 3:57am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I screamed so hard during a nightmare that I developed Laryngitis. I work in a call center.… Today, I ran an experiment perfectly in lab. I was the last in my class to finish and proud of how… Today, I met the man of my dreams. Hot, funny, smart, sensitive, he guesses at what I need before I…