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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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mysterynmayhem

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mysterynmayhem
  • Town/Country : meridale, ny, united states
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 26 March 1976 (35 years)
  • Number of visits : 737
  • Number of comments : 8
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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mysterynmayhem's favorite FMLs

Today, I overheard my best friend's wife telling their kids to pay attention in school and stay focused on their goals so they don't end up a failure in life like their father's friend, Matt. Hi, my name is Matt and I'm the friend. FML

#6182274 (62)

I agree, your life sucks (19223) - you deserved it (3361)

On 11/06/2009 at 1:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I drove three and a half hours to surprise my long distance boyfriend for our anniversary. He was out of town. Where was he? Three and a half hours away trying to surprise me. FML

#6153235 (246)

I agree, your life sucks (34167) - you deserved it (5657)

On 11/04/2009 at 4:42pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I was at the McDonalds drive-thru getting my morning coffee, when some guy slammed into the back of my car. I'm so happy I was holding the cup between my legs at that very moment, because now I have 2nd degree burns on my lady parts. FML

#6151302 (172)

I agree, your life sucks (28991) - you deserved it (5083)

On 11/04/2009 at 2:02pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, I got a phone call from my dad that I haven't heard from in months. I didn't answer, but it left me an accidental voicemail saying "Oh s***, I didn't mean to call her!" FML

#6145553 (51)

I agree, your life sucks (22233) - you deserved it (1322)

On 11/04/2009 at 12:15am - misc - by assdialed. (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, my boyfriend of 3 months and I finally had it off. He sounds like Chewbacca when he comes. FML

#6126776 (96)

I agree, your life sucks (12048) - you deserved it (2350)

On 11/02/2009 at 9:17pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I received a 4 page text message from my mom explaining what she was going to do to me tonight in full detail. I am one name below her boyfriend on her contact list. FML

#6094317 (69)

I agree, your life sucks (19274) - you deserved it (1334)

On 11/01/2009 at 12:35am - intimacy - by Nomoretexting (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. After about five minutes, he sneezes violently on me. I don't know what's worse, him getting snot all over my intimate bits or the fact that the sneeze felt better then what he was doing. FML

#6089895 (61)

I agree, your life sucks (13721) - you deserved it (1577)

On 10/31/2009 at 8:22pm - intimacy - by thornrose22 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I decided I'd take a nap in my car because I got to work very early. As I was waking up from my nap, I saw a cop looking right at me. Turns out, a lady who'd parked her car right next to mine after I was asleep had called the cops on me because she thought I was dead. FML

#6046125 (61)

I agree, your life sucks (19994) - you deserved it (2705)

On 10/28/2009 at 9:09pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I bought a nice new dress for a work party. But when I went in, a coworker hurried me into the bathroom saying, "Don't worry we can fix this." She thought someone had been sick on me. Thanks. That was just the pattern of the dress. FML

#6023107 (57)

I agree, your life sucks (18746) - you deserved it (4766)

On 10/27/2009 at 12:43pm - work - by yper (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I got home from work and heard the shower in my bathroom running. Thinking my wife was taking a shower, I got completely undressed and walked in. My wife wasn't in the shower, instead I found my daughter and her boyfriend in the shower, making out. There was an awkward moment of silence. FML

#5974378 (181)

I agree, your life sucks (22286) - you deserved it (5730)

On 10/24/2009 at 1:35pm - intimacy - by sad_dad (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was written up because my manager heard me insulting a customer. How did I insult her? I called her grandma. Who did I say this to? My grandma. FML

#5873619 (38)

I agree, your life sucks (30048) - you deserved it (1136)

On 10/18/2009 at 12:06am - work - by booste (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, it was my first day at the fire station. Naturally, we all went out and got lunch together. I normally don't handle spicy food well, but sucked it up. About ten minutes after we finished, I got up to do rookie duties when someone slapped me in the back. I forcefully vomited all over my new Lieutenant. FML

#5862404 (46)

I agree, your life sucks (20633) - you deserved it (3084)

On 10/17/2009 at 4:20am - work - by PukinFireman (man) - United States

Today, I realized that I broke up with a man that loved me and was great in bed but was afraid of commitment, to be with a man that loves me, that is great in bed, and wants to be with me forever. So what's the problem? Now that we are committed, he won't get it on with me anymore. FML

#5720583 (62)

I agree, your life sucks (4834) - you deserved it (10569)

On 10/08/2009 at 11:29am - intimacy - by OnlyMe (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, on my break, I decided to be friendly and chat with a co-worker that everyone else always seems to avoid. He spent the next ten minutes telling me all about his abcessing sebaceous cysts. Apparently, "The scars look just like gunshot wounds." FML

#5707882 (79)

I agree, your life sucks (19788) - you deserved it (3800)

On 10/07/2009 at 6:36pm - work - by loverofstrife (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my parents asked if they could borrow my car. Why? Because they were going to see someone about a Craig's List ad and wanted to look poor. FML

#5657528 (49)

I agree, your life sucks (26374) - you deserved it (2200)

On 10/05/2009 at 3:38am - money - by poorcar (woman) - United States (Minnesota)