mutantcow

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mutantcow

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 9 March 1994 (22 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 20603
  • Number of comments : 49
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About mutantcow : hello. :D

mutantcow's page activity

Visits<b>Death_The_Kid15</b> - the 07/23/2016 at 7:50pm<b>Wontonfon</b> - the 05/01/2016 at 1:38pm<b>helenthepanda</b> - the 01/11/2016 at 2:51am<b>raaron773</b> - the 12/20/2015 at 10:40pm<b>kindleh09</b> - the 11/18/2015 at 8:54am<b>elsabeth</b> - the 08/28/2015 at 12:36am<b>RawrPancaked</b> - the 08/18/2015 at 4:38pm<b>ki087</b> - the 08/04/2015 at 2:37pm<b>sdlr32787</b> - the 12/15/2014 at 1:57pm<b>eddie367</b> - the 12/09/2014 at 2:58pm<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 12/07/2014 at 8:30am<b>datuglykorean</b> - the 05/31/2014 at 7:19pm<b>king_of_LA</b> - the 03/24/2014 at 9:24pm<b>KyngJulian</b> - the 01/18/2014 at 3:27pm<b>FamousPeace</b> - the 10/13/2013 at 10:31am<b>kingtice</b> - the 08/04/2013 at 12:04am<b>Torrixx</b> - the 07/02/2013 at 6:20pm<b>AGB10</b> - the 06/03/2013 at 1:16am

Fucked!<b>ki087</b> - the 08/04/2015 at 8:37pm

mutantcow's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

mutantcow's favorite FMLs

Today, I was walking on the track when this really cute guy shows up. I was hot and sweaty, and wanted to impress him by pouring water on myself. Instead of being turned on, all he saw was me wiping my face on my shirt screaming. It wasn't water, I forgot I had brought Sprite. FML

by gymbob / 05/06/2009 at 7:36am / United States (Indiana) / Love

Today, I was at a bar talking to a very attractive young woman. I began to see that she wanted me as she pulled closer and closer. Eventually she pulled me in and licked my ear lobe sensually. She then said, "I wanna break your collar bone." in a seductive tone. FML

by Jinthebar / 05/06/2009 at 12:13am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I went to the eye doctor and they used dilating eye-drops on me. After I left, my vision was still pretty blurry. I walked to the subway and when I went to step onto the train, I missed and my whole left leg got stuck in the gap. The train was delayed 10 minutes because of me. FML

by kraussy / 05/04/2009 at 2:28am / United States (New York) / Transportation

Today, I was about to lose my virginity with my girlfriend of 2 years, when I got an urgent phone call from my 9-year-old sister, telling me I had to come home immediately. My grandma fell off the toilet and got stuck between the bowl and the wall. I'm not making this up. FML

by Anonymous / 05/03/2009 at 7:22pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, my family threw me a surprise party. I was so surprised I punched my mom in the face when she screamed SURPRISE! FML

by Em / 04/30/2009 at 12:45pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I gave my sister a stun gun for her birthday since she recently had a couple "close calls" walking home from work late at night. She was so excited and thankful that she wanted to express her gratitude by shocking me to see if it really worked. FML

by PoopTart / 04/29/2009 at 1:39am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, my house got broken into. My brand new laptop was stolen, along with my flatscreen TV, digital camera, external hard drive and some clothes. Wanting to drown my sorrows in the Ben and Jerry's Phish Food ice cream in the freezer, I opened the door to find that it too had been stolen. FML

by Sad / 04/28/2009 at 6:13pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Money

Today, an ant bit my penis. That was the first 'mouth' to ever touch it. FML

by hjgjh / 04/27/2009 at 2:14am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was walking through town when I saw a plastic bag on the ground. Trying to be a good citizen, I picked it up, intending on throwing it in the trash. When I looked up, there wasn't a trash can for another hundred feet. So I put it back down. Now I've got a $200 fine to pay for littering. FML

by fml / 04/24/2009 at 9:55pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got pulled over while dancing to crazy techno beats in the car. The officer RAN out of his car and up to mine and pounded on my window. He thought I was having a seizure. FML

by bdutton / 04/24/2009 at 4:10pm / United States (Connecticut) / Transportation

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I woke up to go to school. I was unbelievably tired, but I gathered the courage to go take my shower. I then took a long shower, cleaned up my room, got dressed, and ate breakfast. Going back to my room, I looked at the clock, which read 3:22 AM. FML

by vinniesuckmadack / 04/24/2009 at 1:53pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, my alarm went off. I reached to swat it, missed, slipped, smacked my face on my dresser, and fell on the floor. As I picked myself up off the floor, I hit my head on the open top drawer of my other dresser. In 30 seconds of consciousness, I was attacked by two pieces of furniture. FML

by DBR / 04/23/2009 at 6:45am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my alarm went off. I reached to swat it, missed, slipped, smacked my face on my dresser, and fell on the floor. As I picked myself up off the floor, I hit my head on the open top drawer of my other dresser. In 30 seconds of consciousness, I was attacked by two pieces of furniture. FML

by DBR / 04/23/2009 at 6:45am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I pulled over to help a girl with her car. I thought my limited mechanic skills would help look like a hero. She only needed her coolant cap unscrewed. With top down, shirt off, I was confident as I got out of my car. 10 minutes later I left because I couldn't unscrew the f***ing thing. FML

by edhalen / 04/23/2009 at 3:47am / United States / Transportation

Today, my friends and I were celebrating Spring Break by going out to a club. I saw a very, very cute girl sipping a drink at the bar all by herself. Trying to be a stud I walked over and said "What are you doing Friday night?" Her response: "Not you." FML

by rejected / 04/23/2009 at 12:20am / United States (Nevada) / Intimacy